Heart Work After Betrayal | Infidelity, Marriage, Forgiveness, Loneliness, Trust

How many times this week have you asked yourself, "How do I fix this?" Do you find yourself solving, researching, or replaying conversations, but still not moving forward? Are you tired of circling around the same blame, toward him or toward yourself? YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH... Why "How do I fix this?" keeps you stuck, even when it feels productive How survival mode pulls you into self-protection, a...

Since the betrayal in your marriage came out - have you been scrolling for hours, cleaning at midnight, or checking his phone one more time, and wondered why you can't stop? When friends and family check in with you, do you say "I'm fine" so everyone else is "fine" while your own heart feels heavier every week? Are you past the initial shock of finding out about your husband's infidelity but still...

Have you been wondering how much longer this pain is going to last? Do you want to feel "normal" again, even though you're not sure what that means anymore? Have you noticed some days feel better than others, but underneath it, you still feel stuck? YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH... A clear, non-shaming answer to what survival mode actually is The four common ways survival mode shows up: numb (freeze), bus...

Do you feel like it's all on you, you are responsible for your healing and moving on after the betrayal in your marriage? Do you wonder whether loving him again automatically means reconciliation? Are you confused on what it actually looks like to respond from a place of feeling rooted and grounded in the love of Christ when all you know right now is pain after the betrayal? Do you wish for a comm...

Have you been telling yourself that healing alone is safer, easier, and more controlled only to end up stuck in the same loop? Do you feel like no one can really understand what you're going through, so why even try to explain it? Do you keep the hardest parts of your healing entirely in your own head, journaling in private but never saying it out loud to another person? YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH... W...

  Have you been given contradicting advice that seemed all across the board about how to respond to your husband's betrayal or unfaithfulness?  Do you find yourself doing all the "right" things, forgiving, serving, loving but you still end up resentful and exhausted? Have you ever wondered if peace is even possible while you're still deciding whether to stay or go? YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH... The dif...

Have you ever felt your heart start racing before you even finished the thought that set it off and it felt like your body reacted before you even had a chance to choose? Have you ever felt like a prisoner to triggers, panic, or a spiral you couldn't out-argue no matter how hard you tried? Do you assume a spiraling thought will take just as long to undo as it took to go down the spiral in the firs...

Have you ever caught a lie, examined it, knew it wasn't true and picked it back up anyway, because the truth just didn't feel as good yet? Do you assume something's wrong with you when change feels harder than it "should," instead of expecting it to feel that way? Are you stuck trying to just stop thinking the old thought, with nothing ready to actually replace it? YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH... A clear...

Have you ever felt a single thought hijack your whole afternoon before you even realized what happened? Do you ever agree with a fearful thought out of habit, without ever stopping to ask if you actually wanted to? What if the way out of a spiral wasn't a longer fight, but one simple word? This is Week 3 of the CROWN series. If you haven't listened to Heart Checks 56 and 58 yet, start there first,...

Have you ever felt like a triggered thought didn't just visit, it moved in and tried to take over the whole house? Do you ever white-knuckle your way through an anxious thought because it doesn't feel like you have any real say over it? What if the thought that's been ruling you this week was never actually in charge to begin with? Last week we started the identity teaching in the CROWN series, ba...

Do your thoughts after betrayal feel so real and so certain that you automatically believe them even when something inside you suspects they might not be telling you the whole truth? Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between a thought that is actually true and one that only feels true because the pain attached to it is so intense? Have you been catching yourself in the thought spir...

Have you looked at yourself since the betrayal and barely recognized who you are anymore? Does it feel like the person you used to be has gotten lost somewhere in the pain and confusion and survival mode? Do you find yourself interpreting your husband cheating on you as evidence about who you are as if his choices somehow say something true about whether you are enough, whether you are lovable, wh...

Does one frightening thought quickly turn into ten and leave you imagining the worst-case scenario? Do spiraling thoughts after betrayal or infidelity make it difficult to sleep, eat, breathe deeply, or stay present? Do you know you need to “take your thoughts captive,” but struggle to recognize the thought that started the spiral? In this Monday Heart Check, I’m sharing one simple practice to hel...

Are you finding yourself feeling stuck trying to rebuild trust with your spouse and wondering why nothing seems to produce the lasting change you are longing for? Do you find yourself so triggered in certain moments that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore and then feeling ashamed or guilty why you cannot hold it together or why you are not further along? Are you stuck in your head, thoughts...

Have you ever walked into a room with your husband and felt your whole body tighten, even before anything was said, even before anything happened? Have you wondered why you cannot just decide to relax and trust? Do you find yourself lying awake at night with your heart racing even when nothing has happened and maybe even feeling guilty about it like you are being unfair or not trusting God enough?...

Have you been asking yourself whether you will ever be able to trust your husband again after the betrayal and wondering where you even begin to answer that question? Have you been watching his every move, waiting for him to prove himself, tracking whether he follows through and secretly wondering why that approach is not bringing you the peace or the clarity you were hoping for? Do you find yours...

Have you been so focused on watching what your husband does, whether he follows through, whether he is telling the truth, whether he is proving himself, that you have completely lost touch with what you actually want? Have you become so organized around avoiding pain and protecting yourself from what might hurt you again that you have also stopped moving toward what is good and life-giving? Do you...

Have you been doing everything right, maybe you are praying, trying, working on the marriage, but you still feel stuck in a way you cannot fully explain? Do you find yourself waiting for your husband to finally change, finally apologize the right way, or finally understand before you feel like you can begin to be okay? Have you ever had a moment where what came out of you in the middle of the pain...

Have you opened your Bible after a hard day after the betrayal in your marriage and read the words on the page and couldn’t even really comprehend them?  Do you feel guilty that Scripture does not seem to be landing the way it used to or you even wonder if something is spiritually wrong with you because you cannot seem to receive comfort from the words you know are true? Are you longing for a way...

Do you find yourself replaying conversations with your husband trying to figure out what you could have said differently to finally get the response your heart was longing for? Does his bad day become your bad day, his silence your panic, his healing your project and no matter how hard you try to stop this pattern it just keeps showing up? Have you tried every strategy and every technique to get b...

Are you replaying conversations with your husband, wondering what you should have said differently? Do you feel disappointed when his response leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, or misunderstood? Are you exhausted from trying to find the "right" words, hoping they'll finally change his response? After betrayal, one of the hardest moments isn't always the conversation itself but it mostly is what...

Are you struggling with rebuilding trust after betrayal in your marriage? Do you wish you felt confident again in your own voice? Do you wonder how to reconnect with others again even if you feel like retreating or isolating because of the pain? In this episode I am building on last Thursday's story of the four false beliefs and turning it toward you. Because the renewal of the mind is not the des...

Have you been second guessing yourself constantly after the betrayal doubting what you feel, doubting what you sense, wondering whether your perception of reality can even be trusted anymore? Do you find yourself dismissing your own instincts telling yourself you are being paranoid or oversensitive or dramatic even when something deep inside you knows what it knows? Have you been waiting for one b...

Have you been exhausted from trying to fix your marriage doing everything you can to hold it together and quietly wondering why nothing seems to be working no matter how hard you try? Are you battling the shame of being another Christian couple with infidelity in the story telling yourself this was not supposed to be your testimony and desperately trying to fix it before anyone finds out how broke...

Have you become so focused on your husband after the betrayal that you've stopped paying attention to your own heart? Do you spend more time monitoring everyone else's emotions than noticing your own? What if one small daily practice could help you reconnect with yourself and with God? After betrayal and/or infidelity, it's easy to believe your job is to keep being on the alert. Watching for warni...