Handing the Shame Back

Encouragement Your survivor may feel weary and down at times about their history of child sexual abuse. Though expected and normal, they may need some encouragement at times. An effective way is to come up with 3 things that would help lift and shift their mood thereby giving them something else to focus on. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are...

Luke Wiersma Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman as a teenager, and used drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. Eventually he got fed up with drinking and passing out everyday, so began using advocacy as a way to out of the vicious cycle. You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.   HELP NZ ...

Self Advocacy Is one way of having your own back and looking after you The three components to this are: to understand what your needs are,  to know what might help to support to those needs. and lastly to be able to communicate those needs. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.hand...

Luke Wiersma Meet this brave Survivor who runs Leaderboard Meetings for Survivors of child sexual abuse. Luke was abused by an older woman when he was a teenager, he was manipulated and controlled and began using drugs as a way to cope. The abuse continued until he was 18 years of age, at which time she considered him to be too old. You can contact Luke through email on wiersmaluke33@gmail.com.  ...

Survivors As it wasn't safe to use your voice as a child, it can feel very important to you to use it today. Honour that within you, there is a part of you that wants to, No, needs to be heard.  This will always be a subliminal desire whether you know it or not.  This is also a crucial and non negotiable part of the healing process. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our fo...

Brinn Langdale continued... Therapist. Speaker. Writer  Abused by her brother 2 and a half years older than her, from 4 till age 15, Brinn was 18 before the truth finally came out. Her mother chose to support her brother over her, partly due to his heroin addiction. As a result, Brinn felt less supported. You can reach Brinn through the wholistic approach to healing podcast. www.brinnlangdale.com...

Leading a double life As children who were being abused,  we still had to go to school, play sport and carry on as though everything was fine.  No one could know what was going on, so in essence we were leading a secret or double life.  As adults this can sometimes still be present, in us. Please check in with yourself by responding to this question: Is who you are able to be authentic and genuine...

Meet Brinn Langdale Therapist. Speaker. Writer  Abused by her brother 2 and a half years older than her, she had thought they were best friends. The abuse began when she was 4 years old and continued till she was 15. The disclosure at age 18,  was to change her life and that of her whole family.   You can reach Brinn through the wholistic approach to healing podcast. www.brinnlangdale.com HELP NZ ...

Holding the Space This is about you. When supporting survivors we can end up depleted or overwhelmed or even fed up. That's okay, and to be expected. Allow yourself to have some space for you, a bit of time away or some self care. EG, Playing footy, doing an art class. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're feeling refreshed and repleted.  Go to our website (see below) for...

Meet Neil Milton - Part 2 GM of Child Safe Australia, and founder of the Table Talk Project. Neil was abused by an older child at his school, which carried on from 10 to 13 years of age. He never felt he had a voice growing up, and eventually realised, later in life, that he always chose work which reflected 'looking to have his voice heard'. Don't miss this, very powerful Part 2 wi...

I am enough We struggle with this, because what was taken from us among other things was: pride, self-love and feelings of self worth. What arose instead was a feeling of deep lack, as in 'I am not enough'.  But please note: You were always enough, You always have been enough. You are still enough. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are...

Meet Neil Milton - Part 1 GM of Child Safe Australia, and founder of the Table Talk Project. Neil was abused by an older child at his school, which carried on from 10 to 13 years of age. When it first began, he told his mother what was happening, but because she responded with 'they were just experimenting', Neil felt he had no option but to accept it, and actually believed this is what...

Dilworth Exposé Meet Neil harding who is leading the class action against Dilworth school for the deliberate and planned sexual abuse of boys in their care. Self described as father, grandfather, Dilworth survivor, Chiropractor, crusader for justice accountability and a safer world, finalist NZ Herald “Heroes for 2023”, Neil has been trying for 6 years to get justice.  HELP NZ    Sexual Harm Helpl...

Survivors If for any reason you carry guilt about what happened to you, you are not alone, we were all conditioned to feel this. Whichever way you were groomed into thinking it was your fault, was done with one goal in mind, to have you carry the responsibility so they didn't have to. Their intent was to make sure you held that load, and as a child you did! It's time to let go now. Handi...

Tess Gonzales - Part 2 Christian. Survivor. Advocate. Tess suffered  incest at the hands of her mother, who drugged her. She was eventually abused by her brother as well. Throughout her childhood, she felt unable to fit in. She was close to her grandmother,  and found that volunteering at a local rest home was key in helping her to navigate her way through it all.  You can find Tess:  https://www....

For survivors everywhere, we can sometimes we feel we don't fit in with others, in part because our experience was very different to theirs, and trying to explain it is challenging. This was also true of us as children, and is to be expected. If you are struggling with this and it's feeling big, maybe consider that: 'In the not fitting in you are teaching people something.' Go...

Meet Tess Gonzales - Part 1 Christian. Survivor. Advocate. Tess not only suffered prolonged Incest by mother but was drugged throughout as well. Her brother, 41/2 years older than her, was also abused by her mother. Unfortunately he then chose to sexually abuse Tess ensuring home was never a safe place for her. Watching this story will not leave you unmoved. You can find Tess: https://www.facebook...

Its' not their fault The survivor in your life, may still feel its their fault, that somehow they caused the abuse to occur. Although to you , it may seem unusual they feel that, please understand: as children they were conditioned to believe they were wrong, and actually caused it. They didn't have ability to understand they were being lied to and deceived.  Help them to see that! Go to...

Meet Scott Beard at NZ Police He is a Detective Inspector with the New Zealand Police, leading several teams including: the child protection team, the child exploitation team, the child sex offender management team and the adult sexual assault team in Auckland city. His insights and knowledge help support survivors and children everywhere within NZ, so this feature interview is a must see!. You ca...

Meet Mike Chapman - Part 2 From the age of 3, he was abused by his father and then trafficked to others. Through research and dedication Mike was able to find a 12 step group which he found helpful, as well as using the arts which access right brain neural pathways. Dealing with shame and guilt were some big challenges for him as is common in most survivors, but he was able to master those. For in...

It's not your fault! For some survivors, they still carry a feeling that what happened to them was their fault. No! It was never your fault. The adult who abused you knew exactly how to groom you: threaten, bribe, manipulate and target. The fault 100% belongs to them. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivo...

Meet Mike Chapman - Part 1 From the age of 3, he was abused by his father who had other victims as well. His mother had never wanted children, his father convinced her to, and up until Mike was 8 the abuse continued. Mike believes he was conceived for this father's purpose of abuse,  until he aged out, at which point his father left the family.  You can reach Mike on Facebook - https://www.fa...

Survivors Before any action is taken, lies the thought that precedes it.  Before any thought occurs, lies a feeling. Doesn't it make sense then to maximise that and feel as good as you can? Everything comes down to how you feel, and for survivors that can be a challenge in itself. How do you manage feeling good when you are feeling triggered??  How can you have your thoughts and feelings impa...

Meet Cathy O'Brien - Part 2 Healed and vocal survivor of CIA MK Ultra mind control. Cathy's story all began with being born into a multi generational incest based family. Both parents were sexually abused as children. As an adult recovering from this trauma, and at times being overwhelmed by the pervasiveness of child sex trafficking, Cathy found that releasing onto paper tapped into the...

The 3 R's Regulate Relate Reason If you are self regulated; calm and centred, you are then able to relate to a person or idea in a more measured way. If not,  you wont! You will then be able to reason logically and clearly with others. Just know you have to have mastered that whole concept of regulation or self regulation and not be in a triggered or reactive state, in order to do so. Makes s...