Handing the Shame Back

Survivors  Cognitive Dissonance Describes the mental discomfort people feel when their beliefs clash with reality. With CSA they want to believe that people are good and children are safe. When confronted with your story, it messes with their minds and leaves them conflicted. This translates to you not being validated the way you had hoped. Go to our website (see below) for more information on res...

John Callas Filmmaker. Survivor. Author John's trauma began when he was 3 and his dad died. His sisters friend tried to rape him when he was 11, this deeply impacted his trust of women, and was solidified when his mum sent him to military school at 13. Once there, his headmaster took a liking to him and began grooming him, coming into his room at night. This was to continue until he was 15 ye...

Survivors  Trusting your instinct is something we constantly need to revisit. It will be difficult, as we couldn't follow our instinct during the abuse, we were powerless children. Right there is the premise for not trusting ourselves as an adult!  Quick tip: Before you make a decision on anything important; check in with how you feel. If you feel anxious or concerned, that is your instinctua...

Meet Emma Jane Taylor Survivor. Campaigner/Founder Project 9010  90 being the percentage of abusers known to child, the other 10 being the percentage of strangers, therefore unknown to the child. At age 9 years, Emma Jane was abused, and this was a one off occurrence. Two years later, her Dad left the family when she was 11. She was then groomed and abused by a family friend during her early teena...

For Survivors of sexual abuse: Feeling confident doesn't happen naturally, the fear and paralysis can be so strong, it can re-traumatise us if ignored. It is to be expected that we would  struggle with people in positions of power and control and this is what underlies the abuse we suffered. Some things to try that may help: Establish clear boundaries  Become more assertive Build a support ne...

Survivors at times: We feel blocked. There is a massive elephant in the room, because we know others don't  want to know what happened to us, but we actually need them to, for our sake. Quick tip, try messaging before meeting them, to check in the temperature on you being honest and real. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coa...

Meet Greg Evans Survivor. Survivor Advocate. Vlogger. He survived Dilworth School, and the physical sexual and emotional abuse by teachers and older boys. He understandably had repressed these memories. He recommends to other survivors; Dont be afraid to open yourselves up to opportunities that may take away the pain. What helped him were finding creative outlets like, blogging and developing inne...

Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors. Did you know there are 4 main Love languages and they include: Kindness, Spending time with, Physical touch or Gifts. Your survivor's love language may not be yours, as we are all different.  But....By understanding what theirs is, you can start to use that with them, then watch them blossom!!  Make sure to share yours as well, this will hel...

Survivors  Feeling Triggered is something we will experience throughout our lives. This is especially  hard in situations where we have to do an introduction to new people eg here is a couple things about me, so I've come up with a couple of things that may help navigate that. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whethe...

Meet Mekaela Nance Dog mum. Survivor. Musician She is from North Carolina, and the youngest of 4 children, the only girl. She was abused by her brother 5.5 years older than her. This began when she was 9 and even occurred with her other two brothers in the room. When she told her mother the response was: 'He wouldn’t do that to you'. Her message to survivors: Dont ever give up. You yours...

Survivors  Its time to think about connection. Connection with people that matter: friends and family who know what you went through but don't know what to do about it or they know something, just not the full story, so struggle to understand you and your behaviour at times. The main point being, you must be protected, and resourced around them, it is not your job to try and make it easy or p...

Meet Sam Troth Back again, this time walking the width of NZ to raise awareness for the male survivors of child sexual abuse. He is passionate, dedicated and motivated. Join me in supporting him! We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@handingtheshameback...

Meet John-Michael Survivor. Athlete & Advocate John survived years of sexual abuse and grooming both within and outside of the home. He was  Abused by those entrusted to get him to the Olympics, instead he became a trafficked teenager and was auctioned at silent bids. He states as a child: 'I cant tell you about the abuse, but if you ask me, I am free to tell you'. He also advises su...

Survivors: How and when should you tell your kids about your abuse? First check in with yourself, is this your need to share, or is it going to be helpful for your children? Under 16's I don't advise telling them anything in detail, you  need to be age/stage  appropriate. When they are older you can talk more freely, but remember, to them: you are their beautiful mum or dad and this will...

Meet Lisa Cameron Mother. CSA Survivor. Warrior. Lisa was abused for years, from the time she was 2 years of age, until she was around 23. The abuse was far reaching and yet somehow she made it through. She believes that validating your emotions is important, and that they need to be felt. She also feels that grounding techniques work, and are valid as well.  She can be reached on lisacameron829@g...

Survivors: Let's Celebrate How far you've come and what you've managed to achieve . Look at what you are now able to do in your life. We tend to beat ourselves up for not doing enough, or that we should do more. STOP, Take the win, believe you deserve to celebrate where you are at. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for...

SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING. Disturbing Content - Viewer Discretion Advised Lake Alice Hospital, was a rural psychiatric facility in the South Island of NZ. Former patients suffered extreme abuse during the 1970s, including the use of electroconvulsive therapy and paraldehyde injections as punishment. With me are two survivors Malcolm Richards and Karilyn Wildbore. Their stories though harrowing are tr...

Before you launch into telling your children about your abuse, some valuable questions to ask yourself first is why? Why now? Who will this benefit? How can you do this safely? If the answers are more about you than them, you may not be ready to share this.  If, however, it is the right time: here’s some things to consider: Before discussing this, make sure you have processed your own emotions and...

Survivors: It is time to realise that guilt about younger siblings being abused, has no place in our lives anymore. If you had a younger brother or sister there is no way you could have protected them from the abuse. You, yourself were a child, and it was not possible for you to defend against what the adults had already chosen to do. You were a child they were in charge. They had all the power, y...

Meet Chris Tuck Activist. Survivor. Author. Chris survived sexual abuse at the age of 9 and then again at 15. She also endured physical and emotional abuse while living in both her mother and fathers homes, where domestic violence was the norm. She believes that Survivors should honour themselves enough to take things at their own pace. Her website is: Charity website Http://www.survivorsofabuse.o...

Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors. This month is on intimacy and sexual relationships, and the challenges that can emerge. Be real with the survivor about what your experience is, the gift of truth cannot be underestimated.  At the same time try to be open to hear what the challenges are for your amazing partner. Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and book...

Survivors - We Need to: Give ourselves permission to struggle at times with intimacy and intimate relationships. This is a topic not often discussed as once again shame can be a factor. Because of the sexual abuse we endured; we can often feel triggered, sometimes even anxious and unsure. This is all perfectly normal. As soon as we can accept those feelings, and begin to work through them, they ca...

Meet Kane Brisco. Survivor. Dad. Husband. Farmer Kane was abused between 8-9 years old by a teenager known to his Uncle.  He didn't tell anyone for years and wishes he had done so earlier. He believes if you can open the box you can start to heal, and the weight that is lifted is phenomenal.  You can reach out to Kane through farmfitnz@hotmail.com or follow him on IG or FB at https://www.inst...

Survivors - We Need to: Consider how we deal with Medical appointments specifically smear tests for women and prostate exam for men. Even going to the dentist can be challenging for us as survivors, at times. These appointments, by their very nature, can trigger us, so we need to be aware of how we want them conducted, for example; whether we want every aspect discussed with us, or if we prefer ju...

Meet Jodie Herlihy. Survivor.  Jodie survived 28 years of relentless targeted sexual abuse from her stepfather. Her son is the product and the most amazing gift, as a result of this horrendous, ongoing and targeted abuse. She feels that what helped her was forgiving herself, stopping judgement of herself and connecting with herself. Her advice to survivors is to unapologetically Just Be You!     ...