Good Grief

How does a life change when the person you're closest to in the world dies? For Paul Linke, that person was his wife and the mother of his three children. When she died of breast cancer at 37, he entered a new landscape. As an actor and writer, the natural outgrowth of his loss and mourning was the creation of a one man show about the loss and his response to it. This then led to continued perform...

AnnE O'Neil buried her grief in alcohol, following the model she witnessed in her family. Only when her life fell apart did she begin to see that she would have to develop a program to stay clean and sober. That would only be possible if she was willing to grieve. When her husband died, this commitment deepened and led to her life's work, to help people heal from grief and addiction, and to see th...

How can we use technology to reduce the isolation and alienation that often comes along with grief? When Kimberly Libertini and Robynne Boyd were facing profound loss, a friend connected them to exchange text messages and support each other through their hardest moments. They were both amazed at how helpful it was, even though they didn't know each other before that. This is the experience that fu...

This week we turn the tables to talk about Good Grief host Cheryl Jones and her novel, An Ocean Between Them. The story is about a mother and her lesbian daughter estranged and alienated. It is also a story of deep redemption and transformation, as they work together to repair what has been broken. Dawn Gross, radio host of Dying to Talk and palliative care physician at UCSF, will turn the tables...

What does it mean to forgive the person who has injured you in your life more than any other? There was no thought of forgiveness when Stephanie Cassatly's mother was murdered before Stephanie had even fully launched into adulthood. It was many years before she considered that it was possible and more years before she realized that she was imprisoned along with the person who killed her mother. Ta...

Alua Arthur was an attorney working with the most difficult problems we could imagine; abuse, poverty and assault. But she had done the work with energy and joy until she suddenly found herself depressed and uninspired, lacking any joy in the work. Knowing she would have to leave the work she had loved, it took some time to find her true life's calling; helping people prepare to die and then accom...

What would you do if you were wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to an indeterminate period in prison? Marvin Mutch served 41 years before he was finally exonerated. But instead of losing himself to bitterness or violence, over time he began to discover how he might support his fellow inmates. There was a high rate of suicide among his fellows, and the ones left behind didn't have the skill...

What has compelled you after a loss? When Susan Hayden lost her husband it was sharing time and space with writers and musicians. Beginning as a way to focus on something besides grief after her loss, her Library Girl series offered comfort and inspiration, re-engaging her with her new normal. As time has gone by, she has been especially interested in sharing the writing and music of artists who c...

What draws a person to the funeral industry and then to green burial? For Elizabeth Fournier, it was many early losses and a fascination with how people said goodbye. But it was her clients who inspired her to seek greener practices when it came to burial. Maybe we could be buried on our own land, or by the people who love us. Maybe a community could take control of the process and create it in a...

Losing three close people in quick succession brought Martin Keogh into a period of intense mourning. He was quickly aware that close people in his life had no idea how to support him. His curiosity and depth of feeling led him to a deep investigation of what people can do when someone they love is mourning. His book, As Much Time as it Takes, condenses what he learned from many experts on grief a...

On a day like any other, Jonathan Santlofer was suddenly dropped into the chaos of intense grief when his wife of 40 years suddenly died. His losses before this did not prepare him for his upended life. It did not prepare him for the insensitive and alienating things people said to him when he was too vulnerable to respond. It did not prepare him for the internal conflict of whether and how much t...

When Jay Perry's father was diagnosed with cancer, Jay's natural rhythm was thrown into chaos. Wasn't he too young to be faced with whether to continue on his life path or interrupt everything to be with his dad? Making the choice to have that time with his father and help him navigate his final days was radical, difficult, and not to be missed. From diagnosis to death, Jay shares the story of the...

Pain is a signal that something is wrong. But what if the cause of that pain cannot be relieved? What if we must learn to live with it? Sarah Shockley found herself in just this situation. The condition which was causing constant, debilitating nerve pain could not be completely corrected. So Sarah set out to learn all she could about ending the battle she was in with her pain, and finding a way to...

Danna Schaeffer's life was good. She and her husband were happy with their work, and especially happy about the rising stardom of their daughter, Rebecca. But their world fell apart when their daughter was murdered by a stalker. It would be many years before Danna, a playwright, would create You in Mid Air, and play about loving, and losing Rebecca. Described as both honest, poignant and funny, Da...

When Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with a virulent brain tumor, she investigated what might help her and how the end would look if nothing helped. What she learned about how that end would likely unfold scared her more than anything. She searched for a way to stay in her home state of California and still experience a gentle, pain free death when the time came. But there was none. With the suppor...

The prison population is aging and with the longer sentences of recent years, more and more prisoners are dying without ever being released. How are they cared for? Is there anyone there to comfort or witness them in the final hours of their lives? There is a movement afoot to train other prisoners to offer care and compassion at the end of life. The impact on the ones who are doing this work, bot...

What does it take to forgive and then form a relationship with the man who murdered your father? Margot Van Sluytman lost her dad in an armed robbery when she was 16. She immediately wanted to know the man who had taken him from her. But she had many miles of grief to travel before that day would come. She needed to walk her grief and she used her writing to do that. It was 30 years later when the...

Laura Davis has written about pain and healing her whole life. From her book The Courage to Heal to I Thought We'd Never Speak Again, she has offered help and hope to a wide community of people determined to find their way through their challenges. But what did she experience when her own loss, the decline and death of her mother, demanded more of her than she could have imagined? As she supported...

What finally causes us to begin to explore the impact of death in our lives? For Cathy Zheutlin it was the deaths around her. As her mother's partner and several friends moved towards the end of their lives, she watched how they found their way to full living regardless of their failing health. As a person who seeks answers she became curious about how this was possible, how they could become comf...

In the western world in the past 30 years, conversation has opened up about grief, illness and death. On the front lines, Susan Barber has witnessed it all and been behind the scenes for its major milestones, including many years producing events for Stephen and Ondrea Levine (Who Dies, Healing into Life and Death). What does she have to tell us about the evolution of hospice care and death conver...

Losing a loved parent leaves us feeling displaced and unmoored, unsure where home is. But what if that parent has died a world away, soon after you have left her? Not long after Uma Girish moved to the U.S. her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in India. Navigating her illness and death, and then grief was especially challenged at such a distance. What does support look like when you are new...

What is it about deep loss and devastating life circumstance that sometimes hones our compassion? Perhaps we become aware of others who suffer as we do. Perhaps we come to feel there is nothing left but opening to compassion's mysteries. And perhaps compassion finds us at a desperate moment where nothing else works. For Virginia Sampson, it was all of the above. In compassion she found a balm she...

With life experience, particularly loss experience, do we sometimes become more interested in connection, communication and compassion? For Barbara Gaughen-Muller, this is true. Her life work in facilitating meaningful conversation has sustained her through many of life's most difficult trials, including the death of her beloved husband. Join us to talk about how revolutionary conversations have i...

When John Brooks daughter jumped to her death from the Golden Gate bridge, his grieving mind searched for answers. He had thought she was a well-adjusted, normal teen, successful and getting ready to go to college. But how could she have done this if that was true? He set out to try his best to understand what had driven her and, in the process, learned about the potential impact on development of...

After many other losses, Brent Green prepared to lose the last member of his family of origin, his sister. As the family sat with her, a wise chaplain introduced questions that opened up a new way for Brent to think about loss, death and its impact on living. During his grief, these questions continued to occupy him and led to his latest book, Questions of the Spirit: The Quest for Understanding a...