Flying Free

Many years ago I paid $150 an hour for counseling. If you do the math, that comes down to $25 for every ten minutes of her time. Yes. I was paying $25 for someone else to listen to me for ten minutes.  I would tell her what new horrors I had experienced the week before, and then she would validate and empathize with me, and then I would go home. That’s expensive. $25 is a lot of money to pay for s...

Books are like buses. When you open up a book, it will take you to a new place. It will take you on a new adventure. Sometimes the book will take you on a journey of the imagination to a new country or a science fiction place.  Sometimes the book will take you on a path of learning you've never explored before, and that path will lead you down other paths, and then those paths will lead you down e...

We read an incredible book in our book club that is a part of Flying Higher, my program for divorced Christian women. This book healed me in ways I didn’t expect, and I think the women in our book club would say the same. Our discussion on this book was so powerful that I just had to let you all listen to a portion of it, so that is what today’s episode is all about! Read the show notes and/or ask...

“Do I have C-PTSD? Surely not—it’s not like I was a prisoner of war or something.”  If you’re a victim of emotional abuse, you very well could have C-PTSD. In today’s episode, I want to introduce you to C-PTSD, how emotional and spiritual abuse can cause C-PTSD, what the symptoms are, and some practical ways that you can move forward and heal if you determine that you do have C-PTSD. I also want t...

I’ve been busy doing all the things recently, so I wanted to give you all the inside scoop on what I’ve been up to. This includes going to an intense Personality Hacker conference, running a twelve-week coaching intensive, and helping women in the private forum (which is a part of the Flying Free program - we’d love to have you join us !) with some parenting quandaries. Read the show notes and/or...

Have you ever dealt with a Bible counselor who just doesn’t get it ? Or maybe an elder from your church? Or have you ever been excommunicated from your church? Sister, I’ve been through all of the above, and I write about bits and pieces of it in my newest book, All the Scary Little Gods .  In today’s episode, I’m going to read three chapters from my book, and they all have to do with the differen...

Have you ever felt guilty about taking care of yourself?  “I don’t deserve to be taken care of, plus I have too many other responsibilities, how am I supposed to make time to take care of ME?!” Let me help dismantle this belief and show you that you do deserve some self-care, and, in fact, need it.  I also received an interesting question in the Flying Free private forum about IFS (Internal Family...

One of our listeners submitted a heavy question asking about how long she has to let the abuse continue. The snagging point? She had an affair. So, what does one do if they have an affair while in an emotionally abusive relationship? Does that mean they now deserve to be in an abusive marriage until they die? What are their options, and how can we think about this? Join my candid conversation with...

“Does God really hate divorce? And why haven’t my years of praying brought any fruit?”  Abuse survivors ask me these two questions regularly, and today, I’m going to use Malachi 2:16 as well as a chapter from my newest book, All the Scary Little Gods , to answer them both. Beautiful butterfly, I pray this episode is an encouragement to you as you wrestle with these important topics. Read the show...

Joining me for today’s fascinating episode is Dan Koch, podcaster and spiritual abuse researcher. Dan has created an incredible tool called the Spiritual Harm & Abuse Scale, and he breaks it down for us as we talk about spiritual abuse and the heavy impact it has on people’s lives. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Check out Dan’s Spiritual Harm & Ab...

Sometimes a woman will say, “I decided to leave, but now my abuser is being so nice to me! What should I do?”  Unless an abuser has found a new source of supply, the abuser will want to maintain control over you. He’s been observing what makes you tick for a long time. He's been observing what works and doesn’t work to emotionally manipulate you. He knows how to both push all your buttons AND pull...

“In this book, I want to share parts of my journey paired with reflections based on my background as a biblical scholar to make available forgiveness paths different from the harmful ones so often proffered in the name of God .”  Susannah Griffith’s book, Forgiveness After Trauma , does exactly that, and it is now my absolute favorite book on forgiveness. In today’s episode, Susannah and I sit dow...

Abusers will project their own inner identity and issues onto their victims. Let’s talk about what that means, how it impacts a survivor, and what you can do about it. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: The YouTube video that inspired this episode, “ Projective Identification Explained .” The book by Tina Swithin I mentioned, Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s...

Dr. Christy Bauman has written yet another beautifully rich book, and in today’s episode, you will get a sneak peek! Her Rites: A Sacred Journey for the Mind, Body, and Soul takes you on a journey through each of a woman’s six rites of passage and empowers women through words, art, and music.  In today’s episode, we discuss What does birthright mean for Christian women? What is God’s legacy throug...

I have been learning and reading and going to conferences and doing ALL the things recently, and I want to tell you all about it! This episode is a fun one where I let you in on what I’ve been up to and share a few golden nuggets I’ve found along the way. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Book I’ve been reading recently: After by Dr. Bruce Greyson, It’s Not...

We talk about the abuse so much, we sometimes forget about the actual healing process. That’s why I’ve invited my long-time friend and seasoned guest Bob Hamp back on the Flying Free Podcast. Bob knows how painful and necessary the healing journey is, and he has some incredible golden nuggets of wisdom to share today that you do not want to miss. Some key points include  How Bob found himself in t...

Today I’m going to teach you how to use the same CBT triangle tool I use with the women I work with, my kids, and even myself to help us all understand and gain self-awareness around our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  This CBT tool has three parts that can assist you in changing the way you think, and as a result, change your life and the lives of your kids. Read the show notes and/or ask Nat...

Ryan George grew up with a father who abused him, a church that hurt him, and a heart that needed healing. Even after learning he wasn’t the only one being abused at the hands of his father, Ryan still found healing he desperately needed, and he’s on a mission to help others heal, tell their story, and live life to the fullest.   Together, Ryan and I talk about Ryan’s story growing up in Independe...

BILL! My friend, Bill, wrote a little comment on my site that I wanted to share with you all. It wasn’t a nice comment, but honestly, that’s what makes this episode fun! Let’s take a look at what our little gaslighting friend said and examine more closely where he got it wrong. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods , is...

Once upon a time, I dared to write a letter to the pastor of a church I was attending at the time (after having been excommunicated from another church for telling the truth about my life, requesting help, and then acquiring a divorce to protect myself). In my letter, I wrote that his sermon that morning did not take into account abuse survivors' experiences—survivors who were probably sitting in...

Today's podcast episode features a chapter from my new book, All the Scary Little Gods. It's an analogy I wrote several years ago when I was trying my darndest to explain my situation to people who couldn't wrap their brains around it. In the years since that time, I've heard from countless Christian women how much it helped them understand what they were going through.  Today you can listen to th...

Author, Tiffany Yecke Brooks has done it again with her new book, Holy Ghosted: Spiritual Anxiety, Religious Trauma, and the Language of Abuse . (Don't you absolutely LOVE that title? She's an amazing writer.) Have you ever been ghosted by someone? They disappeared from your life, seemingly into thin air? Have you ever been worried that God might ghost you, especially if you don’t dot your “i”s” a...

“ Why do you keep bringing up the past?” “You can't have boundaries with me. You're my wife.” “You're too sensitive.” “I said I was sorry. You need to accept that. Let's choose to have a good day now.” “You think you're so perfect.” Do these phrases sound familiar? They certainly sound familiar to me. I want to show you some ways you can combat these words your abuser throws at you, even if you’re...

Gretchen Baskerville joins me in today’s episode to talk about a survey she recently conducted on peoples’ personal experiences with marriage intensives. In her survey of 330 people, what she found was shocking, fascinating, and not at all what she expected (mostly).  Listen to today’s episode to find out the twelve biggest surprises in this survey and what they mean when it comes to the effective...

In today’s episode, I answer more listener questions from women just like you who are trying to figure out what is happening inside of their painful and confusing marriage. If you want to leave a question for me to answer on the Flying Free Podcast, I would love to hear from you! Here are the questions being addressed today: Is my husband emotionally abusive or is it possible that he’s just emotio...