FBC Minneola

Secular - During children’s church, the Sunday school teacher asked the kids, “Why is it important to be quiet in church?” One little girl raised her hand confidently and said, “Because people are sleeping!” Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a…

Secular - One Sunday morning, the Sunday school teacher was trying to explain how people get to heaven. She thought she’d make it simple, so she asked the class: “Kids, if I sell my house and car, have a garage sale, give all the money to the church, and spend every day helping the poor… would that get…

Secular - Sam was hiking with his friend Jake when they came to a wobbly rope bridge dangling over a canyon. Jake said, “Don’t worry, Sam. Trust me—it’s totally safe!” Sam looked down at the frayed ropes and creaking wood. “Why should I trust you?” Jake shrugged. “Because I’m standing behind you.” Historical/Cultural…

Secular - Two men hired the same contractor. One insisted on the sand—“cheaper and faster!” The other insisted on the rock—“takes longer, but stronger.” The storm hit. The sand house became beachfront property… without the “house” part. The rock house? Still standing, and the contractor said, “Told you—solid…

Secular - I once told myself, “If you take a deeper look, you’ll find the problem.” So I leaned closer… then closer… until I was nose-to-nose with the situation. That’s when I realized— the only thing staring back at me… was my own reflection. Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew,…

Secular - There is an old saying, money can’t buy happiness. This is True— but it can buy first-class tickets on a plane, and that’s basically happiness with free meals. Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who was a former tax collector. It was most likely…

Secular - At church one Sunday, Pastor Jim gave a sermon on forgiveness. Afterward, little Tommy tugged at his mom’s sleeve and whispered, “I’m ready to forgive Uncle Bill now.” His mom smiled. “That’s Great! What did Uncle Bill do?” Tommy frowned. “He hasn’t done it yet. But I know he’s coming to Thanksgiving……

Secular - After church, Brother Caleb proudly told everyone, "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other too!" Just then, grumpy old Larry walked by and slapped him. Caleb calmly turned the other cheek. Larry slapped that one too. Caleb paused, then said, "Okay… now the Bible’s out of cheeks.…

Secular - Old Brother Harold decided to get in shape after the pastor’s sermon on "Walking with God." So every morning, he put on his best sneakers, grabbed his Bible, and marched up and down the church parking lot. After a week, the pastor asked, “Brother Harold, how’s your walk with God going?” Harold…

During Sunday service, the pastor said, "A good attitude is like a clean shirt—people notice when you're not wearing one." Brother Larry shouted, “Amen!” His wife whispered, “Maybe you should try both next time.” Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written by Matthew, also known as Levi who…

Dave asked his friend how he stay so positive every morning. he said, “Simple. I wake up, smile at the ceiling, and whisper: ‘Let’s see what nonsense we’re pretending doesn’t bother us today.’” Then I drink coffee until my optimism kicks in… or until I’ve faked it well enough to pass for a functional…

A pastor asked the congregation, “Who wants to go to heaven?” Everyone raised their hand—except one man. The pastor asked, “Brother, don’t you want to go to heaven?” He replied, “Oh, I thought you meant right now . I am helping with Fellowship Dinner after the service.” Historical/Cultural Context -…

Jacob was having one of those mornings—late for work, cranky from no sleep, and of course, the coffee machine stopped working. He stood in the kitchen, eyes half-shut, and muttered, “The enemy is attacking my joy through caffeine withdrawal.” He laid hands on the machine and prayed, “In Jesus' name,…

During a Sunday service, the pastor was teaching about patience and waiting on God. He said, “Sometimes, God’s timing is perfect, even if it feels like we’re waiting forever.” From the back pew, an old man grumbled loudly, “Yeah, I’m still waiting on my wife to understand that ‘waiting’ part!” Historical/Cultural…

During his first sermon in Africa, a new missionary was thrilled when the whole congregation loudly said “Amen!” after everything he said. Excited by their enthusiasm, he preached passionately. Later, he learned that in the local dialect, “Amen” sounded like “What?” They weren’t agreeing—they were just…

One Sunday morning, a pastor woke up and decided he just needed a break. He called in sick, told the associate pastor to cover for him, and drove out to a distant golf course where no one would recognize him. Up in heaven, an angel saw what was happening and said to God, “Are you going to let him get…

A minister is baptizing people in the river. A drunk man stumbles by, and the pastor asks, “Do you want to find Jesus?” The man says, “Sure.” The pastor dunks him in the water and asks, “Did you find Jesus?” “Nope,” the man says. So he dunks him again. “Now?” “No.” He dunks him a third time, longer this…

A young missionary was practicing baptism techniques in preparation for an upcoming service. With no one around, he decided to use a plastic bottle for practice in a nearby river. A local villager walked by, saw him dunking the bottle repeatedly, and shouted, “Pastor! If you're baptizing today, could…

One Sunday morning, Pastor Bill decided the church needed a fresh, attention-grabbing sign to draw in new visitors. He came up with a bold one: "Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back." He proudly put it up Monday morning. Later that week, an elderly lady walked in and…

A parishioner approached the minister after the Sunday service. “Preacher, I’ve been meaning to ask—why do we sing hymns so loudly?” The minister thought for a moment, then said, “Well, when you sing loudly, you’re filling the church with joy!” The parishioner nodded, then asked, “And if I’m off-key?”…

Sunday School Teacher: “Okay, kids, what do we say when we do something wrong?” Little Brian (without blinking): “Blame Satan.” The teacher laughed, but Brian continued: “Because last time I said it was my fault, I lost tablet time. Now I just say, ‘Satan made me do it.’ Mom gets mad at Satan instead.”…

Secular - A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about faith and always being ready to give an answer for what we believe. She decided to test the kids. Teacher : “Alright, kids, let’s see who can answer this question. What’s small, furry, has a bushy tail, and climbs trees?” The kids sat there…

I heard a joke once about a man who was stuck on his rooftop during a flood. He prayed for God’s help, and soon a neighbor came by offering to help. The man waved him off, saying, ‘No thanks, I’m waiting for God!’ Then came a boat, and he turned it down too. Finally, he drowned. When he met God, he said,…