Doing Marriage Well

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (June 26, 2026), Paul examines how unspoken wedding‑day messages and cultural pressures promote sexual selfishness and quietly damage marriages. He explains sexual generosity—how it applies to both partners, why sometimes saying no is loving, and when yielding or pulling back can be the kinder choice. Paul challenges common narratives that encourage entitleme...

This episode presents research on marital generosity, reporting a survey of 1,365 couples and related studies that show generosity is linked to higher marital satisfaction, lower conflict, and a reduced perceived risk of divorce. Generosity is defined as small acts of service, expressions of affection, displays of respect, and a willingness to forgive. The episode also notes religiosity and person...

Using the "marmalade trap" as a metaphor, this episode explains why giving what you prefer can fail to bless the person you care about. True generosity means learning your spouse’s tastes, wants, and what will actually make them feel valued. The episode also covers common obstacles — people who won’t ask, who hide or don’t know their desires — and offers practical advice: watch what makes your par...

In this episode Paul explains why steady generosity—not just when you feel like it—is one of the most powerful practices in marriage. He urges listeners to set a minimum standard of kindness and give even when tired, stressed, or when the other person seems undeserving. Grounded in a Christian perspective, the message encourages calling on God’s help, protecting your limits, and deciding to be gen...

Paul and Lori revisit the roots of their message, defining generosity biblically and reflecting on the parable of the unmerciful servant to show why grace demands generosity toward those closest to us. They explain that generosity is joyful, sacrificial, and willing sharing of time, talents, and resources, and challenge listeners to evaluate where they are generous at home and to change their marr...

Paul challenges cultural and Freudian myths about male and female sexuality, explaining how anatomy — not moral failure or poor technique — often determines whether a woman orgasms from intercourse. He dispels harmful stereotypes, describes the role of clitoral vaginal distance, and offers a simple, practical suggestion (using a small vibrator between partners during face-to-face intercourse) to h...

This episode looks at a common false image some women have of their husbands—treating them like a child or calling them a “man-child”—and explains how that perception can harm him, the marriage, and the children. Paul explores why men’s playfulness and women’s higher daily stress can create misperceptions, and offers practical guidance: challenge your assumptions, communicate gently, and ask for r...

This episode explores how a heartfelt but false view of a wife as fragile—shaped by culture or past experiences—undermines marriage. Paul explains how projecting weakness can lead to secrecy, imbalance, and justification of sin. Listeners are urged to compare their inner assumptions with their spouse's reality, confess distortions, and pray for a truthful, honouring vision that strengthens partner...

This episode explores how past experiences and social stories cause us to 'gender profile' our spouse, letting fear and prejudice colour our view of their actions. Paul explains the difference between our reactive heart (Mr. Hyde) and our rational mind (Dr. Jekyll), and urges listeners to challenge their feelings, look for alternative explanations, and give their partner a large benefit of the dou...

Host Paul explains that we perceive our spouse in two ways: the mind (facts, behaviour) and the heart (feelings shaped by past hurts). When the heart is driven by old wounds, it creates a ‘Hyde’ version that magnifies faults and erodes grace. The episode offers a simple solution: work to get your heart to see what your mind already knows—address past influences and choose the Jekyll view of your p...

In this episode Paul explains how silence, pretending, and failing to ask for what you need damage sex and marriage. He covers why people fake orgasms, why foreplay and clear feedback matter for both partners, and how embarrassment or fear of rejection keeps couples stuck. Paul urges listeners to open the dialogue about desires and needs so sex can be better for both partners and the marriage can...

This episode explores what to do when a spouse refuses to forgive, exaggerates past wrongs, or uses them to manipulate and gain sympathy. It explains common patterns—blown-up accusations, assigned intentions, and repeated rehashing—and why these behaviors harm the relationship. Practical guidance includes apologizing and repenting when necessary, setting calm boundaries, refusing to be drawn into...

This episode explains how sidetracking and deflecting derail communication in marriage, with common examples like counter-questions, “you did it too,” and unrelated attacks. Learn simple, practical steps to redirect the conversation, assert your right to be heard, and lead by example so both partners can resolve issues respectfully.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (June 9, 2026), Paul explains how allowing manipulative tactics—anger, threats, the silent treatment, or emotional blackmail—to work damages marriages, using a personal story to illustrate the dynamics. He outlines clear responses: refuse to tolerate harmful tactics, set firm boundaries (walk away or get help), involve trusted third parties when threats or da...

This episode examines "broken behaviours"—patterns where one spouse tolerates mistreatment instead of setting limits. Using the image of a man calmly walking out when his wife attacks him, Paul explains that leaving is sometimes a healthy, loving choice that teaches boundaries. Listeners will learn why accepting bad treatment is not loving, how broken behaviours form, and one practical step to sto...

This episode explores the steady decline in sexual frequency among married couples, the surprising role of solo relief, and why the lack of sex can harm relationship satisfaction. Paul emphasises communication and practical strategies—talking openly about desires, treating sexual drives as a shared issue, and simple steps like mutual masturbation to help couples understand each other and make more...

In this episode Paul urges couples to take ownership of their marriage by recognising that staying passive is itself a choice. He explains how unhappy marriages worsen over time and encourages listeners to identify their personal deal-makers (must-haves) and deal-breakers to decide what they will tolerate and what requires change. Practical steps include making a list, reflecting on it, and then a...

In this episode Paul explores how one person's choices and reactions can reshape a marriage. He explains that changing behaviours, responses, and engagement—rather than demanding changes from a spouse—can shift dynamics and invite healthier interactions. He also emphasises setting boundaries against unhealthy behaviour, practising self-reflection, and offering consistent acts of kindness to encour...

In this episode Paul outlines five common reasons we resist change in relationships: feeling undeserving, identity tied to current behaviour, fear of failure, fear of loss, and comfort with the status quo. He shows how these barriers can lead to sabotage, pushback from partners, and long-term stagnation and invites listeners to reflect on which patterns they recognise in themselves or their spouse...

In this episode, Paul and Lori encourage listeners to stop living other people’s lives or reacting in rebellion, and instead take responsibility for their choices—especially within marriage. They explain how most adults have the power to change their circumstances, despite fears and perceived barriers. Listeners are asked to reflect on what they dislike about their life and marriage, identify real...

This episode examines the relationship between sex and love in marriage, highlighting that neither can solve the other's problems. Using Mary McCarthy's insight—"You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex"—Paul explains why good sex and a healthy relationship are distinct but both necessary. Practical guidance is offered: maintain a functional sexual routine while y...

A recent observational study found that romantic partners who feel uncertain about their relationship tend to experience more negative emotions during everyday conversations. Researchers used recordings of couples rather than surveys, which revealed interaction patterns that surveys miss. People who are unsure where they stand often do not give their partner the benefit of the doubt and feel confu...

Host Paul explores how neurodivergence — especially ADHD but also autism, dyslexia, prosopagnosia and others — shapes emotional needs and perceptions of support within marriage. He discusses a study showing many adults with ADHD feel they don’t receive the emotional help they need from partners and explains how different cognitive and emotional patterns can create relationship gaps. The episode em...

This episode helps couples distinguish dreams, goals, aims, ambitions, targets, and quests—and shows why labelling and communicating your desires matter for a healthy marriage. Paul and Lori share how a personal dream became a shared RV goal, offering practical steps to align visions, plus a mention of supporting the Humphrey family as they seek a home for eight foster children. Speaking of foster...

Doing Marriage Well — May 25, 2026: This episode examines whether venting actually helps with anger and why many studies show it keeps us stuck in a fight-or-flight state instead of calming us down. Paul explains the difference between healthy reflection and harmful venting, and offers practical alternatives to reduce arousal—breathing exercises, long hugs, and slow walks (especially without rehas...