Cut & Retie

This week, Captain Ross Robertson teaches us how to pick the perfect Yeti products for a baby shower, we yell at old men who are watching fish porn while missing actual fish on the line, slug a Four Loko before unveiling a bite so secret it doesn't actually exist, and chew bubble gum while chewing out everyone who's following us around the lake. 

Guide Jacob Ott explains how tennis balls and river rocks don't mix, then follows up with naked trout stream fury

This week, Riverhorse Nakadate takes a cold plunge with Johnny Utah and makes Dairy Queen sound better than ever, we nearly die trying to reach brook trout that we decide not to cast too, get rowdy at the Barnes & Noble with INXS after fighting a car thief, and cure food poisoning with a 9-inch worm and homemade blueberry pie. 

This week, artist, sculptor and angler, Ben Keating, makes perfect chicken Parm and gets rappers to give up their bling for charity, we lose in a fishing tournament but win for most diapers reeled in, launch flip-flops at the Verrazano Bridge and then go pheasant hunting in a dirt lot, and get our jean jackets airbrushed while attacking fluke with a cane pole.

This week, Kevin Blinkoff from "On The Water" cozies up under an afghan and tells us about catching snook that are actually catfish, we pop a Xanax and pray our boat will be fixed in time to score a bite under the fillet table, eat sandwiches under a bridge as downpours dash our glide bait hopes, and pledge to make fishing in mumus cool again. 

This week, veteran Florida captain Ed Zyak gets turned off by crackers and turned on to homemade sun protection paste, we threaten to burn down the house of all the fish unwilling to smash a live croaker, get the shoulder pat of glory after gawking at massive resident dock pets, and lose the brakes on our truck just as we're trying to make a good impression on a legendary fishing writer.

This week, Tim Romano beams in to tell us about his favorite alpaca mousing sweater, we wrap ourselves in wet bed sheets and take a drive with the mayor of Gunnison Canyon, cry about the lack of water in the West and rejoice over the film "Spring Breakers," and opt into being total weirdos at the bass club and ghetto continental breakfast.

John Frazier abandons his fly rod, saves the baby, pays the pole dancer, and suffers the long-term consequences

This week, veteran captain Frank Campbell drags a Chinook behind his truck on the way to buy organizational storage bins, we drop a pile of loose crankbaits on the floor of boat and then refuse to use them, insist we know better than the guide when it comes to screaming at no one like a YouTuber, and fill a shopping cart with rancid fish in the name of charity. 

This week, "BigWater Adventures" host, Mark Davis, mops up liquid attractant after getting denied a dream muskie trip, we stick a state-record red horse in the wrong hole just before screwing up our pole dance, pull our truck out of the river in time to smack a few gale force smallies, and force our kids to eat fish that taste like sadness. 

This week, guide, author, and actor Ken Baldwin gets drunk and disorderly on the set of "Rudy," we suffer through Yoo-Hoo and bourbon to stick smallmouths in a gale, bring a hundred pounds of chum salmon home to our ungrateful wives and children, and give our clients some hot air so their bear spray doesn't blow up in the tent. 

This week, fly guide Miles Marquez teaches us to fold T-shirts and cast only one direction on an English chalk stream, we explain how catching one rainbow trout can almost get you court martialed, throw our skateboards in a rented car we shouldn't have and drive to Trout Town U.S.A., and strong arm innocent tourists on a street corner into fishing with us by pretending to be their best friends. 

This week, West Virginia fly guide Jacob Ott teaches Jamie Cermele how to ask the most annoying client questions, we run the Saturday palomino gauntlet until a whiskey double becomes the only cure for insanity, flail dry-dropper combos into every tree within 20 feet of 600 hungry rainbows, and harvest wild ramps after netting the brook trout of a 7-year-old lifetime. 

This week, artist and guide Joe Forrestall of 603 Glass takes us mousing for browns with Wesley Pipes, we drop a molten sphere into our nether region and pass explosive diarrhea on to our good friends, stalk turkeys at the craft fair during a government sting operation, and explain that bowls are only for cereal and you may not hot box the pop-up ice shelter. 

This week, veteran TV angler and Bassmaster emcee, Dave Mercer, explains why Canadian anglers won't wave at you if your truck's on fire, we get featured on the news and blame Joe Montana, offer one-minute tips to people who can't spend 30 seconds soaking cut bait, and Hawg Craw our way to amazing underwater footage of fish choking to death. 

The week, Obedie Williams of "Rippn Lipps" tapes a muffin topper to his steering wheel and cooks a stocked trout feast, we make guerrilla fishing DVDs and pass them out around the hot tub, get too drunk to chase younder stripers, and punch mats so hard we have to make them sign a waiver. 

This week river rat Paul Cain revs the "Shit Runner 2" for big-water trout redemption not involving anything chartreuse, we fail to impress our parents with our fire breathing skills, discuss the joys of auto anchor deployment when hunting trophy "inlands," travel back to 1982 for wings, and refuse to back down on proving fish like to eat live minnows. 

This week, striper legends Billy "The Greek" Legakis and "Crazy" Alberto Knie argue over parking tickets and the patrol schedules of Long Island state troopers, we stick 60-pound bass while dodging drunk drivers and saving our new hats, explain why there's more art in soaking bait than making sushi, and cast eel skin plugs on weed whacker cable during non-human hours.

This week, Jimmy Fee, Matt Haeffner, and Nick Cancelliere from "On The Water" mark their calendars for the tarred line perch fishing seminar, we let sexy ladies fill our mouths with fiberglass while jigging snake mackerel, lose the striper of a lifetime during a Swiss cheese incident, and donate a kidney to a woman with tired feet who doesn't care at all about fishing. 

This week, veteran fish taxidermist Jimmy Lawrence uses plumber's foam to silence morbid K9 requests, we catch massive bluegills where people are still proud to be your neighbor, explain why Teddy Ruxpin eyes are a bad choice for your trophy walleye mount, and pack a record snakehead up for deployment to Gloryland. 

This week, veteran captain Gene Quigley covers himself in pickled herring before the bilge pumps fail 100 miles offshore, we hunt giant bluefin tuna with yellow 4-weight Fenwick fly rods, say the very wrong thing during a very right mahi-mahi bite, and score swordfish on a party boat filled with South Philly zombies.

This week, Nate P. and veteran guide Tim Moore rescue idiots in short boots from the New Hampshire slush of doom, we use LiveScope to check the consistency of a nice burbot chowder, jig massive white perch with gear we didn't need to bring, and get into a scissor fight over the most evil and disturbing live bait known to man. 

This week, Miles Nolte jumps in a helicopter and flies right to the Cricket Wireless store, we find 8-pound trout on dries but can't locate the whiskey we buried, slog through nipple deep costume jewelry dilemmas, and sing nu-metal songs instead of the reciting the Hail Marys a priest told us we really need to say.

This week, big bait maestro Oliver Ngy drops in to exchange vows about not buying unproven lures off Facebook, we make sure everyone at the outdoor show knows our opinion of whatever they're touching, destroy a perfectly good lobster dinner by wearing basketball shoes to the boat, and ruin bass fishing by casting seven whole farm raised trout into a tree. 

This week, Rio fly designer and veteran guide, Brita Fordice, passes on GTs to perform triggerfish home invasions, we whip up some killer mantis shrimp and feed them to a life-sized Nut Cracker, get chased by creepers as we try to grab an endangered animal, and explain why the bugs you tied are just too special to lose so maybe try her patterns instead.