Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast

Do you feel like you're always the one doing everything in your relationship, yet somehow still end up feeling unappreciated? In this throwback episode of Codependency Alchemy, I'm revisiting five warning signs of a codependent relationship that can be easy to overlook, especially when you've spent your life taking care of everyone else. From needing to be needed and struggling to identify your ow...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com How do you know when you're making a healthy compromise versus abandoning yourself? What happens when you're doing the inner work, but your partner isn't? And why can something as simple as hearing "no" bring up so many feelings of rejection? In this month's live Codependency Alchemy AMA, we're exploring unme...

Why do we sometimes get emotionally attached to someone so quickly? In this throwback episode, we’re going underneath anxious attachment to explore what you might actually be attaching to when someone starts to feel impossible to lose. We’ll talk about why someone pulling away can trigger the urge to chase, fix, or overgive, the questions that can help you uncover what’s underneath your attachment...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com Have you ever gotten into an argument wanting to feel understood, only to find yourself getting defensive, explaining yourself, or trying to prove your point? In this month's guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice, we're exploring the fears beneath our protective responses, the younger parts of our...

Have you ever looked back at the way you acted in a relationship and thought… oh my god, was I the toxic one? In this throwback episode, I’m sharing one of the most vulnerable stories I’ve ever told on the podcast: the situationship that exposed some of my deepest patterns around anxious attachment, codependency, overgiving, fear of abandonment, and trying to control connection. We’re talking abou...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com What do you do when you can't tell if you're being triggered... or if something actually isn't working for you? In this members-only AMA, we're talking about unmet needs, resentment, boundaries during conflict, being misunderstood after a breakup, grief + relief, fear of being alone, family estrangement, and...

Are you really good at taking care of everyone else... but wildly uncomfortable when someone tries to take care of you? In this episode, I'm sharing what happened when Justin told me, “I'm going to take care of you,” and instead of simply feeling loved, it brought up fears around dependence, losing my freedom, being a burden, and eventually being resented. We talk about hyper-independence, overfun...

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com Do you ever feel like you just need to know what’s going to happen before you can finally feel okay? Maybe you're waiting to know if they'll come back, how much space they need, whether you made the right decision, or what happens next. In this members-only Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice, we turn...

Have you ever had a stressful week and suddenly everything your partner does starts getting on your nerves? In this episode, I’m sharing one of the hardest weeks Justin and I have had in a long time and the two shifts that helped us stop treating each other like the enemy and start acting like teammates again. We talk about stress, unmet needs, changing plans, self-abandonment, and how curiosity,...

Have you ever chased connection until you felt rejected one too many times... and then suddenly found yourself pulling away? In this episode, we’re exploring the push-pull pattern that happens when our attempts to feel safe accidentally keep the cycle going. I’m sharing how I learned to use distance to get connection, why we can move between chasing and withdrawing, and the question that helped me...

Have you ever had one of those days where you just don't feel like yourself? Maybe you're more emotional, more sensitive, or more irritable than usual, and your first instinct is to wonder what's wrong with you. In this episode, I'm sharing the simple practice that completely changed my relationship with myself. It helped me stop judging my emotions, recognize my patterns, and communicate my needs...

Have you ever felt jealous in your relationship... even though you genuinely trust your partner? In this episode, I’m sharing one of the most vulnerable stories I’ve told on the podcast. A moment with Justin that brought up unexpected jealousy, led to one of the biggest ruptures we’ve experienced, and ultimately taught me that jealousy is rarely about what we think it’s about. Together, we’ll expl...

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t let go of someone even though you knew the relationship was over? In this episode, I share one of the most powerful shadow work questions I’ve ever used to help uncover why it’s so difficult to move on after a relationship ends. Together we’ll explore: * why we attach our dreams to people * how codependency keeps us trying to control the outcome * what it reall...

Have you ever caught yourself spiraling and thought, "Why am I doing this again?" This episode is about what happens when we stop trying to get rid of the pattern and start listening to what it's trying to tell us. We explore why self-sabotage isn't actually the problem, how triggers point us toward unmet needs, and the powerful question that can completely change the way you relate to your patter...

Why does silence feel so uncomfortable in relationships? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I explore the hidden reason many of us rush to fill the space when our partner gets quiet, withdrawn, or dysregulated. In this episode, we explore: - Why silence feels triggering - The urge to seek reassurance - External vs. internal processors - How space creates deeper connection - Emotional regulat...

Have you ever done something “nice” for someone… but secretly felt exhausted, resentful, or unseen afterward? This episode is about the hidden relationship dynamic underneath that pattern. After a conversation with my grandma about boundaries, family dynamics, and generational relationship patterns, I realized how many of us confuse self-sacrifice with love. In this episode, we explore the subtle...

Have you ever pushed away support… even when you really needed it? This episode is about why receiving can feel so hard and what changes when we allow it. This episode is a little different. I’m showing up in real time, without a script, in the middle of a season that has completely shifted me. After losing a close friend and navigating multiple family health scares and loss, I found myself face t...

Have you ever wanted something from your partner but didn’t actually say it? This episode is about why we do that and how it slowly breaks trust in our relationships. This weekend, I caught myself in a pattern I’ve done many times before, and didn’t even realize I was doing it in the moment. I was trying to get a need met without actually saying what I needed. I was hinting, sweetening the deal, l...

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “If they would just do this differently, everything would be fine” ? This episode is about why that pattern keeps us stuck and the three questions that can shift the entire dynamic- and how it's completely changed the way I move through conflict in my relationship. In this episode we explore: * Why we hyperfixate on our partner during conflict * The hidden a...

Why do we create conflict when life is actually going well? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy , I unpack the “upper limit problem” — the unconscious pattern of sabotaging joy, abundance, and peace when they start to feel unfamiliar. I share a real story of catching myself mid-spiral after an expansive workshop and the simple question that stopped me from creating unnecessary conflict. In thi...

You’re clear on what you want, so why aren’t you getting it? There’s a painful in-between many of us find ourselves in: knowing what we want, and still not receiving it. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy , I revisit a simple but powerful analogy (we’re going to the ice cream shop) to explore why clarity alone isn’t always enough, and how settling for what doesn’t truly align can keep us stuc...

There’s a moment many of us know well: your partner says no, and you really wanted them to say yes. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy , I walk through a real-life moment from my relationship with Justin where his “no” triggered old patterns of control, guilt, and self-abandonment. I share more about what I wish I had done differently. This isn’t about forcing agreement or suppressing your ne...

Should you get back together with your ex, or is this just familiarity pulling you back in? Before you say yes, there are a few questions worth slowing down and asking. This episode is for anyone who’s considering getting back together with an ex and wants to do it differently this time. As someone who did get back together with her ex and rebuilt a relationship rooted in repair, accountability, a...

What if nothing is wrong with you, you’re just being asked to hold two truths at the same time? In this episode of Codependency Alchemy , I explore polarity : the embodied experience of holding joy and grief, love and loss, fulfillment and longing—without collapsing, numbing, or forcing resolution. Through a deeply personal story involving my great-grandmother, my fertility journey, and stepping o...

Check out full book list post on Substack here: My go-to healing book list for winter Thank you so much, everyone, for letting me walk alongside you this season. I have a quick favor to ask as we close out this season: If the podcast has supported you in any way it would mean the world to me if you would take just a moment to leave an honest rating or review on the podcast, wherever you listen. To...