Britt and Sax

So, back in my car in the parking lot, unsure of what to do, trying all the things that aren't working this time. Is this hormones or grief or the holidays or winter disorder or exhaustion or something worse? Is this depression? I can't really do any of this. I can't stop crying, can't clean, can't get warm, can't get good dreams, can't even get the house in order to get the Christmas tree. Is it...

Britt, Seylah and Nya hang out on the living room floor doing crafts and trying to remember all the things - like Nya breaking her ankle at soccer, Seylah going to try out 3rd grade for two days but choosing to stay in 2nd with her friends. And the cat is sick. Britt does therapy at 7;30am on zoom but had to hide from the girls who sleep next to her. Which she loves. And more. It’s been a time of...

At Children's Hospital (Uptown Denver) the "nurse" Maja sawed the cast off Seylah's arm, and sawed Seylah's arm in the process. We're in discussions with the grievance department about how to rectify the situation and ensure Maja never touches another child again. When you can't protect your kids, that's one thing. But when health care providers don't care for your child, hurt your child, and don'...

Britt checks in for the first time in a while, processing her anger towards her mom and aunt for making fun of her "27 jobs" and signing up to be a death doula....along with questions about rest, neighbors, marriage, safety, security and anxiety that he might win. Seylah tries 3rd grade for 2 days. Some girls are being mean to Nya. Britt starts progesterone and gets hot. Saxon gets in a car accide...

Woke up to our dead fish. So sad. The heater malfunctioned and it got to 110 degrees. How does that happen? He burned to death in water. Boiled fish. We are so sad. Nya and I cried. Saxon made jokes. Seylah tried to not go to school. Allergies and asthma and new germs are impossible for this child. Seylah sprained her wrist yesterday at the bike ramp park to try and celebrate a birthday. So many b...

Britt and Nya talk about the unplanned road trip (field trip), mommy hurting herself getting some rage (outrage) out at the Rage Room with a metal baseball bat, Gracie the dog died,...and more!

Britt sits at City Park and tries to remember where she's been and what's happened since May, including her Feeding Your Demons retreat, being offline, cancelling airplane trips, the end of year busyness of school, talent shows and poetry - and now - summertime with camps and insomnia and mountain trips. Her mom passed away July 13th - somehow Britt's made it through this year. She has a new thera...

Britt misses her mom, immunizations for Philippines, marriage changes, and they stole the free sign from the front yard. Britt wishes she could laugh about this with her mama, so she records this instead. Winter is thawing out and the girls are riding bikes and becoming more and more of who they are. Britt tries to give herself grace and time around her creative projects and Saxon's at the gym. We...

Before Britt goes to LA and Saxon joins her, Britt puts life on record in advance of flying tomorrow. For the record, she needs her kids to be cared for by Jaja and Pa. And she needs the godparents to step into the role. And if you don't know or aren't sure, let's talk. It will take a village. It already does. This is Britt's first birthday without mama. Nya doesn't want her to go. She is hella em...

Britt has Covid as soon as she slows down. The universe will sit you down. Saxon and Britt's 8th anniversary (since they met in Palm Springs) is Dec 31st. Kuumba is the 6th day of Kwanzaa - Creativity - this is fitting for us, our life, what we are constantly creating and evoling and uncovering together. Looking forward to making and creating miracles in 2024.

On the train, en route to the airport in the snow with numerous flight delays, to see Britt's dad (Pa) on Dec 26th, Britt breaks down, flight is cancelled, Pa is called, we turn around and go home.

Britt cries in her car again. Saxon decides to stop doing the podcast. Our life is not content, may we find contentedness in being present more than recording. But I also really believe in recording and time stamping as a way to create culture and history and stay present and listen. A bit of a puzzle but we are figuring it out. Is it helpful to me, to our marriage, to our listeners? It's not help...

Britt and Saxon talk about what happened on 11/9/2023

Britt and Saxon talk about what happened on 11/8/2023

Lots going on - talking to kids about death and funerals, tears, slideshows, playlists, tasks, anxiety, gratitude, tapping, regrets, anger, resistance, love and family members. All of it's going down as we prepare to fly to Oakland to have this memorial/service/celebration of life - like a surprise party because you don't know who's coming - and a wedding in the size and scope of planning and prep...

We've all been sick (except Saxon) for two weeks. Kids are coughing so much they have to stay home. Saxon's pitching me a horror film where a kid coughs for a year and the parents slowly descend into madness....

It's couple's therapy with no therapist! We finally sit at the same table to check in about what's been happening. Grief is the main attraction. Also work, non profits, money, poop, shame, farts, medical issues, horror films, bodies, botox, wrinkles, love, marriage, sex therapy and lots of trucks drove by. Thanks for your patience and flexibility with us as we move through this intense season of g...

high recommend - Tibetan Imports - Sarita will tell you what's up in the stars. It's spectacular, helpful, healing and calming.

Britt finally spits in the cup, in 2 weeks she'll know what's happening in her genetic body. Scared but needs to know. Saxon and B went to Vail for an adult's only birthday weekend. Talked about money, investment, love. We got our horoscopes done. Britt's so bloated the kids asked if they were going to be big sisters. Lots of grief and stress around the memorial and going through old photos of Bri...

I can't cook for my mom anymore, but I can cook lots of chili, vegan tacos and meatballs for my family. All alive. Always hungry. Instead of making a long list and plan and calendar events I am forced to adhere to or else I feel tremendous guilt, what if I did wake up and see how I felt and what I felt like doing? Why does that feel so irresponsible?

Britt finally has a moment alone at home to feel into what is actually going on and faces her anxiety and realizes making plans is for the birds. I'm anxious, just like my mom. And - rebirth. I don't have to be like her to love her and miss her. I can pick up where she left off....growth instead of repetition.

Britt and Saxon talk about what happened on 9/6/2023

Britt and Saxon talk about what happened on 8/31/2023

Britt and Saxon talk about what happened on 8/24/2023

SAXON talks about what happened on 8/23/2023