Below The Circle

What happens when you decide to celebrate yourself, but things don't go as planned? It's my birthday week, and I decided to give myself a gift: beautiful yellow roses, balloons, and a personal birthday message. I was excited about choosing joy in the midst of my caregiving responsibilities. But the flowers never arrived. What began as a disappointing delivery experience became an unexpected opport...

Stop Waiting for Permission: Choose Who You Want to Be Today | Episode 163 What are you waiting for before you give yourself permission to experience your life differently? For many of us, it's the hope that things will finally settle down. That responsibilities will ease, disappointments will fade, or we'll have a clearer picture of what comes next. But what if you don't have to wait? In this epi...

Living With Purpose vs. Living On Purpose: You Don’t Have to Push Through Everything In Episode 162 of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis reflects on how years of “pushing through” responsibilities can make it hard to know when it’s okay to stop and truly experience life. She explores the difference between living with purpose (goal-driven, committed, productive) and living on purpose (intentional, pre...

How Did I Get So Far Into My Life—and Lose Myself? | Below the Circle Ep. 161 Dr. Phyllis explores why so many women look up after years of doing everything “right” and wonder where they went. Drawing from her own journey through academics and medicine, she explains how external evaluations can quietly shift from measuring performance to defining personal worth—and how that same measuring system f...

What if the thing you are holding onto so tightly is not yours to carry anymore? When you are used to caring for others, solving problems, anticipating needs, and making sure everything stays on track, letting go can feel uncomfortable. It can even feel irresponsible. But releasing control does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on teaching her son to drive dur...

What if the quiet you’ve been craving is not a sign that you’re tired of your life, but a sign that you need space to finally hear yourself again? When you are used to answering questions, solving problems, caring for others, and keeping everything moving, stillness can feel unfamiliar or even selfish. But quiet does not mean you have stopped caring. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on the un...

What if you have become so good at managing your life that you no longer feel fully present in it? There are seasons when caring for others, meeting responsibilities, and simply keeping everything moving can leave you feeling like you are circling above your own life. You are present for everyone and everything, but somewhere along the way, you may stop feeling present in your own days. In this ep...

What if something you have believed about yourself for years is no longer true? Sometimes we carry old beliefs, assumptions, and stories into the present without stopping to ask whether they still fit. They may have come from a hard season, someone else’s words, or a decision that once helped us survive. Over time, those stories can begin to sound like facts. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares ho...

What if you do not need to start over, but simply need to regroup? Sometimes life moves so quickly that we keep doing what we have always done without stopping to ask whether it still fits. We keep working, caring, serving, and showing up. But somewhere along the way, habit can begin choosing the direction for us. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares why regrouping is not a sign of failure. It is a...

What are you still holding on to from the past that no longer fits the life you are living now? Sometimes we keep things because they carry memories, love, grief, or a connection to someone we miss. Letting them go can feel like we are letting go of the person too. But there comes a time when holding on can begin to take up the very space we need for the life in front of us. In this deeply persona...

If your life looks good from the outside, but underneath it all you feel worn through, this episode is for you. You can be deeply grateful for your life and still be tired inside it. Both can be true. The people you love matter to you. The work you do matters. You would choose much of this life again. But when you spend years noticing what everyone needs, picking up responsibilities, and carrying...

If you’re the one everyone calls — the one who picks up, who shows up, who holds it together when everyone else is falling apart — this episode is for you. We’re not going to diagnose why you do it. The people who call you love you, and every yes you have given was real. But love and need come down the same phone line, and after enough years it gets hard to tell which one is ringing. This episode...

You've got three things open on your screen, a half-written email, a conversation you've been meaning to have for three days, and a phone that keeps buzzing. You're not behind. You're not ahead. You're just in all of it — at the same time. You craved this life. You prayed for it. You got it. You just never learned how to live in it. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis doesn't just talk about landing — sh...

She was at the dinner table. Fork in hand. Nodding at the right moments. But inside? She was three days ahead — running the list, managing the room, tracking everyone else's needs while her own life passed through her hands. She was in the room. But she wasn't IN the room. If you've ever felt that quiet ache — the sense that you're showing up to your own life and somehow missing it — this episode...

You paused. You gave yourself a moment before you answered. And then — almost immediately — guilt showed up like you'd done something wrong. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams sits with the feeling that shows up after the pause — the guilt that comes the second you try to choose yourself. She names it plainly, teaches the difference between two kinds of guilt, and gives you one question you...

You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability, and worth has become linked to usefulness. But every automatic yes can pull you further from your center...

You did a hundred things for the people you love today. So why does it feel like you barely saw them? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the quiet trade so many big-hearted women have made without meaning to: becoming the most useful person in the family instead of the most present one. She shares her own years of doing everything for the people she loved and hardly ever being with them — and the...

What if the weight wearing you out was never yours to carry? You can carry all of it. You’ve proven that. But in this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and ask a deeper question: how much of what is on your plate was ever truly yours? She speaks to the big-hearted woman with a full schedule, a tired soul, and a quiet fear that she has been so busy carrying everyone else’s life that she is...

What are you afraid would fall apart if you stopped holding it all together? You have been the one who remembers, covers, fixes, plans, and carries what everyone else forgets. You call it responsibility, strength, love, and loyalty. But underneath all that holding may be a quiet fear that if you let go, everything will crash. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis gently speaks to the woman who feels like t...

Have you been holding everyone else together so long that you fear you’ve missed your own life? You’ve cared deeply, said yes from love, and kept going even when your own heart needed room to breathe. Maybe your full plate is not what is breaking your heart. Maybe it is the quiet fear that while you were taking care of everyone else, you lost touch with yourself. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis share...

What weight are you still holding that God has been asking you to release? You’ve been capable, responsible, prepared, and strong for so long that putting something down may feel like failure. Maybe it’s a role, a title, a seat at the table, or the quiet need to keep proving yourself. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a personal story from 2020, when she was transitioning out of a leadership rol...

What grief have you been carrying that you’ve been calling strength? You’ve been busy, capable, dependable, and strong for so long that no one may have noticed how heavy it has become. Maybe even you forgot to ask what pain has been hiding underneath every yes, every role, every title, and every “I’m fine.” In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a tender story of disappointment, loss, and the moment...

Who are you when you take off every name tag you wear? You’ve been so many things to so many people for so long, the woman underneath has gotten quiet. You can’t remember the last time someone asked who you were — not what you do, not who you take care of, not what role you fill — but who you ARE. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis sits with you at a threshold she’s stood at herself. She tells you the s...

When was the last time you were truly present, not planning tomorrow or replaying yesterday? In this heartfelt episode of Below the Circle , Dr. Phyllis invites you to slow down, breathe, and notice where your mind has been living. Through personal stories, scripture, and honest coaching truth, she shares how autopilot can quietly steal our peace, our joy, and the moments happening right in front...

What if the exhaustion you feel is not weakness, but a warning signal asking you to be honest? In this heartfelt episode of Below the Circle , host Dr. Phyllis speaks to high-achieving women who look fine on the outside but feel empty, numb, and worn down inside. She shares the difference between normal tiredness and deep depletion, reminding listeners that constant pretending can cost them joy, p...