BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS

I used to think hope was something you had to earn: proof things would turn out fine before you were allowed to feel okay about them. So when my anxiety about the world my kids are growing up in got loud, I didn’t reach for hope. I reached for control. More research. More doom-scrolling disguised as diligence, as if memorizing every wildfire statistic would somehow keep the world from catching fir...

The Mistake I Keep Making (And Maybe You Do Too) I used to think my biggest problem was saying too much. I’m Carissa. I’m bad at keeping secrets — literally, it’s the name of my podcast — and for a long time I low-key believed that my tendency to overshare was something I needed to fix. Like if I could just learn to hold back a little more, I’d seem more polished. More put-together. More professio...

Persuasion (n.) : The act of causing someone to do or believe something through reasoning or argument. From the Latin persuadere — to advise thoroughly. Note that nowhere in the definition does it say anything about the other person actually wanting to be advised. I have spent years trying to get Josh to exercise. Not in a controlling way. Or — okay, maybe in a slightly controlling way, but for go...

‘I don’t make content for you.’ I was reading something Gabby wrote recently and it stopped me in my tracks. We both feel it — the world is a lot right now. We see it the same way, we respect each other deeply, and yet we find ourselves responding to it all very differently. That contrast has been sitting with me. How are you responding to this moment? So I reached out to her. Not for answers exac...

Let’s be real, happy endings mean what again? In today’s episode of Bad At Keeping Secrets, I’m sitting down with Rachel Hochhauser , author of Lady Tremaine — a stunning reimagining of Cinderella told through the eyes of the stepmother herself. But this conversation goes so much deeper than a fairy tale retelling. Rachel opens up about becoming a single parent while her husband was ill, how that...

Recently, my dear friend, artist and author, Lisa Solomon asked me if I would write about the color grey. I told her I was bad with color, so gray was perfect. It was for her book, Art Craft Color - where she asked 20 artists/crafters to come up with ideas that would make your life more colorful and also blur the line between artist and craftsperson. All the projects make you feel like you got thi...

Almost everything will work again if you unplug for a few mintues inclduing you. -Anne Lemott Hey, it’s Carissa, and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets. Today, we’re diving into something I think we all feel but struggle to name: digital exhaustion . You know that feeling when you’ve been switching between instagram, tictok, email, and three different tabs, and suddenly you’re just... depleted? My gue...

In celebration of darkness, this week I want to revisit my chat with Katherine May, a best-selling author and podcast host, of whom I adore in so many ways. I first heard about her with her book, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times during the height of the lockdown in 2020. In so many ways, this book helped me let go of control and step back. That there is comfort in restin...

Hi, it’s Carissa, and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets . For the past few months, when people have asked what I am reading, I have replied a book about a mommune. I swear, everyone I told was interested in hearing more. I’m sitting down with writer Domenica Ruta, author of All the Mothers —a stunning, raw, and deeply human novel about women whose lives intersect in unconventional ways. She created a...

Today I’m joined by Jessica Baum, a psychotherapist and the author of Safe: A New Way of Looking at Attachment . Her book comes out next week! I promise you will love it. Or I hope you like it as much as I did. How to Know When to Leave - Part 2 of my conversation with Jessica Baum Lately, it feels like everyone is talking about attachment theory. I scroll online through articles and essays about...

More Than Love: A Conversation on Grief, Legacy, and Becoming Ourselves There are some stories that never stop unfolding, they just shift shape as we move through life. This week, I am talking with Natasha Gregson Wagner about her memoir More Than Love. QUESTION: Who expanded your understanding of love? Margaret did for me. Why, I think it was entirely biological/magical. Natasha writes about her...

Today I’m joined by Jessica Baum, a psychotherapist and the author of Safe: A New Way of Looking at Attachment . In our conversation, Jessica opens up about her own journey from anxious attachment to a place of safety, and she helps us explore the deeper forces that shape our relationships: from the hemispheres of the brain and implicit memories, to the ways our bodies hold trauma and longing. Tog...

Before we start I just wanted to invite you to come hang with Ruthie Ackerman and I at Womb House Books on Wednesday, September 24 · 6:30 - 8:30pm PDT. It is a small gathering where we will do some exercises from my book, and have some time to explore motherhood and ambivalence, together. Space is limited, sign up here! It’s free. We just want to make a space to talk about these things if they are...

What if you had a magic 8 ball… but it actually knew you? And instead of spitting out “Ask again later,” it handed you a question so sharp, or so tender, that you couldn’t help but see yourself differently. Today, I’m talking with designer and author Vicki Tan about her new book, Ask This Book a Question . It’s part fortune-teller, part behavioral science, and part mischievous friend who calls you...

Hi. It’s Carissa and this is bad at keeping secrets. How do you feel sad? What does grief look like? This week I have the pleasure sit down with Carla Fernandez to talk about something we all carry but don’t really know how to hold: grief. Her book, Renegade Greif , demands space for loss, offering tools, rituals, and language for navigating our sadness in a world that too often tells us to move o...

Need permission to share your story? This episode is for you. This week, I talk with psychologist and author Dr. Jessica Zucker about grief, vulnerability, and her new book Normalize It. Got something you’re spiraling on? If you’re human, you probably do. In Normalize It , Dr. Zucker makes a powerful case for speaking up, and offers a framework for how to actually do it. I first found her work whe...

Proof of Life. Proof of Enough. This week, I had the joy of talking with Jennifer Pastiloff , bestselling author of On Being Human , about her powerful new book Proof of Life — and wow. This book is a reminder that being messy, tender, and still here is more than enough. It’s a kind of miracle. Lately, I’ve been giving small bundles — fresh food, flowers, a handwritten note — and realizing they’re...

Hi, it’s Carissa, and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets . Are you an anxious person? I am. So when I saw the headline “This book is for anxious women,” I had to get it. I feel oddly calmed and understood by the complex social dynamics of Curtis Sittenfeld. It is almost like she is in my head in the moments of cringe when I find myself saying the exact wrong thing for the moment I am in. In our conver...

Wanting Both: Motherhood, Art, and the Questions That Linger Hi, it's Carissa, and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets . For the longest time, I believed I’d just know whether I wanted to be a mom. Like a bolt of clarity would strike. But the truth is, I didn’t know. Not really. And for a long time, I thought I had to choose—between being an artist and being a mother. But here’s the thing: I’m greedy....

Hi, it's Carissa, and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets . Before I had a kid, my garden was my holy place. Still is, just things are a little more wild now. This week, I talk with Debbie Millman from Design Matters about her book Love Letter to a Garden —a quiet, beautiful reflection on what it means to grow something, and to be changed by it. That gardening offers us relief and connection in the fac...

Hey everyone, it is Carissa and this is Bad at Keeping Secrets. What to do when you get dumped? There is no real guide, telling you how to actually just be. Today I am talking to mother/daughter collaborators Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman about finding meaning and connection in difficult experiences. There is something so universal in our heartbreak that connects us all, this is truly a guide in...

I am what they call a runner. I felt a connection with Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride —the idea that if you don’t like your situation in life, you can just leave. If you get fired from a job, there’s always a better one out there. If you’re not in love with your partner, you’re doing them a favor by calling it quits. Are you unhappy now? There’s something better out there—you’re just missing out…...

We can control whether we merely endure our days or experience and enjoy them. We can control whether we arrive on our deathbeds feeling like we've wasted our time or end up satisfied with how we've spent our brief moment in the sun. -Catherine Price During my darkest moments in the pandemic, my therapist told me that I had to find joy to keep going. These days, I feel deeply hollow inside. I am n...

Hi, it’s Carissa, and welcome to Bad at Keeping Secrets ! Today, I’m chatting with Liana Finck, an amazing cartoonist, author, and regular contributor to The New Yorker . Liana’s known for her sharp, thoughtful work, including her graphic memoir Passing for Human , and I found her on instagram ages ago - her work is SO relatable, and funny, and just real. BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS is a newsletter tha...

What is your stress telling you? Just curious… Mine is that I need to change my expectations for myself… Before we got sick, and then my business shapeshifted, and the globe felt increasingly less safe, I recorded this podcast with Dr. Aditi Nerukar, stress expert and author of The Five Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience. I swear I was not always this way, so st...