Apocrypals

For the first time in ten years, Theophiloi -- and the first time ever during the lifespan of this very podcast -- Chris and Benito are in the same place, actually hanging out with each other! What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than by playing three full courses of Bible themed mini-golf?  Join us as we recount our experience at Lexington, Kentucky's own Fairway to Heaven and pit...

Yes, Theophiloi, that quote at the top of the show is actually in Bible. Like, full canon Bible that you can find in the back of the pew or the hotel room drawer. I was surprised too, but you know who wasn't? Our special guest Aaron Higashi, who returns to the show from his Multipals appearance to help us through the seemingly endless slog that is 2 Chronicles! Will he be able to rescue us from th...

O come, all ye Theophiloi, joyful and triumphant, to the final Apocrypals episode of 2024! We two kings of podcasting are reading a story about a talking star as we dive into the Revelation of the Magi. Sure, you may think you know the story of Caspar, Balthazar, and Melchior journeying to meet the baby Jesus, but did you know that there were actually a bunch of wise men and that they already talk...

CONTENT WARNING: Our discussion of St. Christina includes mention of self-harm and mental illness.  It's Halloween, TheoKILLoi, and that means it's time once again for our annual tradition of Haints and Saints! This year, we're covering St. Christina the Astonishing, who certainly lives up to her epithet, although possibly not in the way that her hagiographer was intending. We dive into the life o...

If you learn nothing else from our show, Theophiloi, let it be this: Never send a cow to do a leopard's job. This, for the record, is not a metaphor, it's the lesson that we learn from the passion of Perpetua and Felicity, who -- spoiler warning for a text with the word "Martyrdom" in the title! -- meet their fate at the hands of the Roman Empire after a pretty lackluster attempt to see if herbivo...

Grab your turtledoves and get to stranglin', Theophiloi, because we're taking another trip to the Seventh Firmament, and this time we're bringing good ol' Father Abraham in the years before he had his many sons. We've got divine vengeance, the fires of Hell, Benito almost swearing on the mic, and a truly wild amount of DragonBall discussion, even for us as we tackle a major piece of apocrypha. Plu...

Leave cookies and milk for the werewolves and a thorn bush on your doorstep for St. Benedict, Theophiloi, because it's Approximate Week once again! We're celebrating the eight nights between our birthdays by indulging in one of the least canonical texts we've ever covered, in our mutual favorite medium. It's an extra-sized look back at a three-issue Marvel Comics miniseries about Illuminator: The...

Open your ears to hear, Theophiloi! Your humble Sons of Thunder are back in style with a return to the show and to Canon Bible, just in time to kick off your Approximate Week celebrations! As promised, we're back with an in-depth look at 1 Chronicles, and while that may be the most boring part of the entire thing, we're doing our best to make it interesting. Or possibly to tear it down and debunk...

It's 2024, Theophiloi, and a new year means new friends for your humble sons of thunder! This time, we're chatting to Dr. Justin Sledge about Biblical esoterica and Qabalah, and you know what that means: we finally find out if  Promethea or  Persona 5 is a more accurate depiction of real-world theology. It turns out Sephiroth ain't just a dude with a big sword and some deep-rooted issues with his...

You know, theophiloi, the topic of trauma in Bible might not seem like something that would lead most people to an extensive discussion of James "Logan" "Wolverine" "Patch" "Lucky Jim" Howlett, but, well, you know how we are. In this special installment of our Multipals series, we're joined by Dr. Alexiana Fry for a delightful discussion that is wide-ranging even by our standards. Join us as we tr...

Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?),  The Lock-In , in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare d...

You there, Theophiloi! What day is to-day? Wait, what? OCTOBER?! Well, I guess we did miss it, then, and the spirits took their sweet time teaching us the true meaning of Approximate Week. Oh well, time is an illusion and regular publishing schedules are a prison. Either way, we're back with a brand new episode covering the Didache and talking about our mutual birthsday!  Topics of Discussion:  In...

Don't worry, Theophiloi! You still have some time to leave coffee out for a werewolf and decorate your anti-arousal thorn bush for Approximate Week (observed). We're bumping back our celebrations to once again bring you a Chill Hangout Sesh with some of our multipals! This time, it's the oft-mentioned Drs. Janet Spittler and Tony Burke, a pair of experts in New Testament Apocrypha that I personall...

Do you wanna party, Theophiloi? I sure hope so, because the Multipals series continues with another of our rowdy friends: Anne Thériault (from Ontario), who joins us to talk about her work writing about St. Dymphna and the podcast And Also Some Women, focusing on the women of the Bible. Sadly, I don't believe we get around to talking about a certain saint who called down lightning and completely w...

Don't be jealous, dear Theophiloi; just because we have some new friends doesn't mean we still don't love you just as much! In this episode, we're talking to another luminary of Biblical TikTok, Aaron Higashi! And look: I'll read the Didache eventually. I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and we have to find out what the Biblical scholarly consensus is on Wolverine's best costume! Check out...

Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome (uh, back?) to a brand new sub-series: Multipals! In these episodes, we're going to be sitting down with guests to talk about Bible and, most likely, Wolverine from the X-Men. To kick things off, we've got the Main Dude of Bible Studies TikTok, Dr. Dan McClellan, here to talk to us about how he tries to clear up misconceptions about the Bible and theology,...

Look, Thephiloi, you don't actually have to skip this one (it's actually one of my personal favorites, tbqh) but I'm gonna warn you up front: we were in a PRETTY SILLY MOOD when we were recording this one. Come for the discussion of Hosea's prophecies of ruin for the iniquitous and faithless houses of Israel and also how much he just really hates his own wife, stay for our extended discussion of t...

You there, Theophiloi, what day is to-day? What? It's mid-November? Well, we keep the spirit of Halloween in our hearts year round on this podcast, so we're going ahead with our annual tradition of Haints 'n' Saints with a second pair of stories starring Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer, the Master of the Good Name! Join us as the Besht Around takes on an evil antisemite with an army of dinosaurs and Nint...

Welcome to Season 2 of Apocrypals, dear Theophiloi! You know, like how every podcast does 103 regular episodes and then takes an extremely planned break of several months before returning, refreshed and renewed? It happens all the time, and it's honestly weird that you haven't heard of it. Anyway, what better way to celebrate our return than with 2 Kings, a book that is more wildly violent than ev...

No spoilers, Theophiloi. It's our birthday we're covering a text that listeners have been requesting for five years.  Hymnal: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, "The Winner Takes It All" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church  (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45) Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the wor...

And what more can I say, Theophiloi? By faith, we recorded a podcast about the Epistle to the Hebrews, which some dweeb thought was written by Mr. Paul even though it doesn't start with a lengthy introduction about how Paul wrote it. We tackle a mostly yikesless text that pretty much recaps the entire Book up to this point by summing up the Justice League of the Bible!  Topics of discussion: The W...

I suspect, dear Theophiloi, that there is no stepfather in all history more overshadowed than poor Joseph, the humble carpenter whose competition for his Son's affection was in fact the Almighty God. It's a pretty rough role to fill — especially when the kid you're raising keeps using holy ghost powers to murder and/or resurrect your neighbors' kids — but the tradeoff is a long life in which one i...

The Book of Job is famously one of history's biggest bummers, Theophiloi, so in this episode, we're going with something that always brings us joy: women fighting dragons. It's Martha of Bethany and Margaret of Antioch, two blessed saints with adventures worthy of the airbrushed side of a custom van! Topics of Discussion: A review of a bad review, a review of Chris's mom, Martha Wayne's pearls, th...

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people, Theophiloi? Well, we've found the answer in the Book of Job, a literary classic and/or utter failure, and it's pretty simple: God's indifference is indistinguishable from God's wrath. That's... kind of a weird idea to show up in Bible, though, so join us as we spend an hour unpacking it along with the long-suffering title character and t...

No man   knoweth the hour or the day, Theophiloi, but our 100th episode is at hand! In celebration of our centennial, we take on one of our most requested texts: the recently discovered Gospel of Judas! Join us as we settle the argument about Judas Iscariot once and for all. Is He Man or Monster or…. is he both?     Topics of Discussion: The Crime Bible, Who Picked Acts?, Irenaeus of Lyon, GEORGE...