After The Quiet

It was Thanksgiving weekend in October 2022. My family had gathered at my mom's house, and before my eldest son left, someone suggested we take a quick picture together at the front door. It was completely spontaneous. Just a mother and her son standing side by side. In the picture, he towers over me, and I can still see the little boy I raised inside the young man standing beside me. I had no ide...

Labour Day weekend had always meant one thing in my family: our annual birthday celebration for all the Virgos. In September 2022, we gathered at my mom’s house to celebrate my birthday, my sons’ birthdays, and several other family birthdays. We swam, laughed, celebrated, and took countless pictures. I had no idea it would be the last birthday I would ever celebrate with my sons. One photograph fr...

The summer of 2022 gave me another reason to believe everything was going to be okay. My middle son called me constantly asking to go to the amusement park—we went 11 times that summer . Sometimes his siblings came, sometimes friends and cousins joined us, and every trip made me believe our relationship was getting stronger. My oldest was driving, working, and becoming more independent, while my d...

In July 2022, after months of growing tension and distance, I took all three of my children on a week-long vacation to visit my extended family. For a little while, everything felt normal again. We took pontoon boat rides, spent time at a tiny beach, attempted paddle boarding, squeezed together into a little bunk house, laughed with family, and made memories. I came home believing that maybe we we...

It didn't happen overnight. It happened in inches. By early 2022, getting my teenage sons to school during my parenting time had become such a struggle that I made a decision I would later regret: I told them they could decide when they wanted to stay with me. I thought removing the fight would protect our relationship. Instead, our everyday time together slowly began disappearing. Then, after sim...

After separating in 2019, I had finally become comfortable being alone. Then, during COVID, a spontaneous $9.99 Tinder purchase led me to the man who would become my partner. My children welcomed him, our families blended easily, and for the first time in years, life felt genuinely happy. But beneath the amusement-park trips, skating nights, rides home from school, and new family memories, somethi...

Can an abusive relationship ever seem peaceful again? In Episode 100 of After the Quiet , I reflect on a surprising chapter during the COVID-19 pandemic when the conflict between my ex-husband and me appeared to quiet down. We co-parented more peacefully, he showed unexpected concern for my health, invited me to Christmas dinner with our children, and for the first time since our separation, I bel...

What if one of your greatest fears after leaving an abusive relationship never comes true? In Episode 99 of After the Quiet , I share the emotional story of attending my former husband's grandfather's funeral and the unexpected support I received from the family I thought I had lost forever. As I navigated co-parenting challenges, grief, and continued post-separation abuse, I discovered that the p...

What happens when you're trying to rebuild your relationship with your children while navigating post-separation abuse? In Episode 98 of After the Quiet , I share the challenges of parenting after separation as my sons began living with me 50/50, the heartbreaking morning battles to get them to school, and the emotional toll of being told I was failing as a mother. I also discuss the reunification...

What happens when false reports to Children's Aid become another form of post-separation abuse? In Episode 97 of After the Quiet , I share the emotional impact of being investigated twice by Children's Aid Society after anonymous allegations claimed my home was unsafe, I abused alcohol, and I neglected my children. Despite both investigations finding no concerns, the experience left me questioning...

What does it really mean to start over after leaving an abusive relationship? In Episode 96 of After the Quiet , I share what life looked like after selling our family home and moving in with my mother while my ex settled into a new house. I talk about the heartbreaking reality of trying to reconnect with my sons, believing I had to spend money to earn their love, the challenges of qualifying for...

What do you really lose when you leave an abusive relationship? In Episode 95 of After the Quiet , I share the emotional experience of returning to our family home after separation to pack my belongings—only to find the primary bedroom locked, treasured keepsakes inaccessible, and many of the household items we had agreed to divide already gone. I reflect on the grief of losing irreplaceable memor...

Selling a family home after separation should be straightforward—but when coercive control is involved, even a real estate transaction can become another form of abuse. In Episode 94 of After the Quiet , I share the emotional story of selling our home after I left my marriage. From intimidation and manipulation to a smear campaign targeting our realtor, this episode explores how post-separation ab...

What happens when an abuser doesn't let go after you leave? In Episode 93 of After the Quiet , I share how the abuse changed after separation through a devastating smear campaign. False accusations of affairs, lies told to my children, family, friends, neighbours, and coworkers, and years of retaliation became the next chapter of coercive control. I also discuss the lasting impact these lies had o...

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? In Episode 92 of After the Quiet , I answer one of the most common questions survivors are asked: "Why didn't you leave sooner?" I share the complexities behind my decision to stay—from the happy years at the beginning of my marriage, to blaming stress and myself for his behaviour, to the comfort of a close-knit extended family, financial stability, and...

What happens when even reading a book, saying hello to a neighbour, or enjoying a quiet moment becomes a reason for punishment? In Episode 91 of After the Quiet , I share the everyday acts of emotional abuse and coercive control that slowly stripped away my identity. From humiliation disguised as a joke to false accusations of affairs, this episode explores how coercive control invades every corne...

In Episode 90 of After the Quiet , I share the day I finally left my marriage after years of coercive control, emotional abuse, and psychological manipulation. Following another sleepless night of interrogations and phone searches, I reached my breaking point. What began as a simple drive to get a coffee became the moment that changed the course of my life. Wearing our pajamas, my young daughter a...

In Episode 89 of After the Quiet , I share the moment that changed everything. While I often say a Dr. Phil episode helped me recognize the signs of coercive control, it was a heartbreaking Ontario news story that made me realize something even more frightening—I was no longer convinced I was safe. After learning about the tragic death of a young girl during a custody visit, I was shocked by my hu...

In Episode 88 of After the Quiet , I share the moment I realized that nowhere felt safe anymore. After secretly documenting months of coercive control, gaslighting, and emotional abuse in a notebook hidden in my car, it suddenly disappeared while I was attending an MRI appointment. To this day, I don't know how he knew it existed, but it reinforced the overwhelming feeling that I was constantly be...

In Episode 87 of After the Quiet , I share one of the most difficult chapters of my story. As the coercive control in my marriage intensified, I began keeping a notebook to document the accusations, late-night interrogations, and gaslighting because I no longer trusted my own memory. I was living in survival mode, losing weight, experiencing constant anxiety, and waking each day unsure of what emo...

What happens when someone repeatedly forces you to imagine losing everything you love—only to pretend the conversation never happened the next day? In Episode 86 of After the Quiet , I share one of the most psychologically damaging forms of coercive control I experienced. My husband would wake me in the middle of the night, hand me a laptop, and make me create lists of what each of us would get "i...

In Episode 85 of After the Quiet , I share how my husband's paranoia and need for control escalated into relentless surveillance. The constant text messages never stopped. My phone was regularly searched, my privacy disappeared, and every interaction became something I was forced to defend. When suspicion becomes a tool of control, exhaustion becomes a way of life. This episode explores the hidden...

Can emotional abuse follow you into the workplace? In Episode 84 of After the Quiet , I share how my husband threatened to contact my employer unless I took a leave of absence from teaching. What appeared to be concern for my mental health was, in reality, another attempt to control my career, independence, and future. This episode explores coercive control, workplace intimidation, emotional abuse...

Can your partner control you through money? In Episode 83 of After the Quiet , I discuss discovering thousands of dollars missing from my bank account, the financial abuse that followed, and the terrifying threats made after my husband learned I had contacted a lawyer. Through therapy, I began to understand that abuse isn't just physical—it can include financial control, intimidation, and making s...

What happens when you finally recognize your own story in someone else's? In Episode 82 of After the Quiet , I share how watching a television program about a controlling marriage led me to recognize the signs of coercive control in my own life. From relentless accusations of cheating and panic attacks to seeking therapy and hearing the words, "You're being abused," this episode explores emotional...