The Franchise

First, we are forced to cover a cartoon pasted together with spaghetti and play-doh, and then JJ Abrams shows up to try to put the whole thing back together. Henry, we're home.

Skin is better than sand and Revenge of the Sith is better than Attack of the Clones. These are the two truths we will now live by.

It's The Franchise Holiday Special! Merry Christmas and Happy Life Day! And R2-D2 as R2-D2!

The Ewoks brutalize the Star Wars saga. Then, 16 years later, Jar Jar eats its remains. Yippee!

Here it is! The Franchise to end all Franchises! Hear an early recording of George Lucas discussing The Star Wars with Steven Spielberg! Then, stay for Henry and Daniel discussing one for the pantheon. 

Joe Johnston cobbles together something that resembles a movie. Then, the franchise reboots to the tune of a one and a half billion dollars. Might there be merit in one or both? 

Mike Bloom (@AMikeBloomType, of Rob Has a Podcast, Parade.com, Survivor Historians and lots of other great podcasts) takes us all the way back to the Jurassic age! Meaning those Spielberg dinosaur movies from the 90s. We're gabbing Goldblum and jabbering Jackson and one of us even knocks Neill! Hang on to your butts.

Christian Toto (@HollywoodinToto), from the Hollywood in Toto podcast and website, joins us to discuss a tale as old as time: Ancient Egyptian white lady vanishes into thin air, meets aspiring sculptor, bones him after he builds her to be a department store mannequin. We've all been there. Then, it happens again! The only thing tying these two events together? A flamboyantly gay black man named Ho...

Special guest Jan Martino joins us to discuss the cult classic Blade Runner (at least 2 versions!) and its belated sequel. Is one of us a Replicant? Is there voiceover? Did any of us watch Soldier? Tune in to find out. 

DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES AND SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY DRAGULA!!! LIVING DEAD GIRL!!! Henry and Daniel review the motherfucking Rob Zombie Halloween movies, you peckerwood son of a bitch. 

Steve Miner returns from 3-D Crystal Lake to helm the return of Laurie Strode. Then, Busta Rhymes helms a reality show. 

Everything goes to shit! Druid Princes! The Dad from Dharma and Greg! Paul Stephen Rudd! Baby kittens! It's all here. 

First, an alcoholic contends with robots and TV stations. Then Moustapha Akkad brings Michael back to battle his, I guess, niece or whatever. 

SPOOKIEST MONTH OF THE YEAR! SHOCKTOBER! Time to discuss John Carpenter and Halloween. And, uh, Rick Rosenthal I guess. Bleeding mouth kid forever.

We wrap up our Fast and Furious coverage with James Wan's gonzo Furious 7, featuring the most macho Robert Frost reference ever, and F. Gary Gray's The Fate of the Furious, which tries to keep a franchise from coming apart with the injection of some class.

We smell what The Rock is cooking, aka Daniel and Henry Fall In Love With The Fast and the Furious Franchise.

Justin Lin shows up for a romp across Tokyo. WHAT'S DRIFT!!!!!!!!!!! Mhmm. Say hello to Han. And also goodbye?!!! Say it isn't so! Then, Diesel's back, Brian is finally cool and it's Death Wish, Toretto Style. Metallic pornography!

We embark on a new behemoth, with Rob Cohen's dunderheaded classic, followed by John Singleton's Vin Diesel sabbatical. 

We wrap up our Resident Evil coverage with a reunion of old friends, followed by a reunion of old foes. Paul W.S. and Jove Lo wrap up the franchise. Plus, Daniel ranks every video game movie he's ever seen and Henry really loves Lincoln.

There can only be one Russell Mulcahy and he's the guy who gets the honor of directing a Tyrant-infested Mad Max ripoff. Then, Paul WS comes back and slo mos up a killer 3D extravaganza starring a giant axe.

We enter The Hive. And Raccoon City. And the Umbrella Corporation. And the Nemesis Project. And other such nonsense. Paul W.S. Anderson presents us with our first ever video game adaptations. Survive the horror.

A trio of Bernie newbies tackle the defining corpse comedy of a generation. Aaron Farinelli (VHSHits.wordpress.com and Velodrome Lions) comes on to chat about a movie that's either a classic or an unwatchable piece of shit depending on who's asked, plus a sequel which involves voodoo rituals and jizz-filled chickens. 

Charlie Sheen is boring. Corbin Bernsen owns the team. Dennis Haysbert is a buddhist. And Wesley Snipes is Omar Epps. Then, get ready for a movie that feels like a nap in a hammock! Scott Bakula leaps into the Minors, and Ted McGinley ensures that Major League jumps the shark.

We venture into the world of sports with a little comedy about the Cleveland Indians. PLUS, what the fuck happened at Comic Con?

A couple of relics from the bygone era of nudity-laden sex comedies! A jolt of nostalgia or a total bummer? Well...a little of both.