Midnight Crisis

"Teenage angst has paid off well, now I'm bored and old" - Ben wants to know more about the science experiments that Nobody would perform during a time loop. - Ben tackles the Hollywood trend of casting the hottest people in the world as ugly characters. - Helen Mirren sheds a tear over the fact that Kurt Cobain never got to use GPS. - Nobody argues that US politics boils down to guessing what the...

"Drive boy, dive boy, dirty numb angel boy." - Ben doesn’t understand baby oil. - Nobody recounts the glow in the dark lube escapades from her honeymoon. - Ben wonders if Nobody is okay after a few too many questionable incidents lately. - Ben has yet another run in with his old nemesis, traffic lights on his way to a concert. - A recent article about a man with three penis’s makes us wonder if th...

"You gotta keep 'em separated" - Ben gets judged for using bar soap. - Nobody is left without toilet paper in the work bathroom. - Ben previews the videogame Squat Ops. - We get asked a direct question and immediately go blank. - Ben gives Nobody a lesson in urinal etiquette. - Nobody discovers her views on bathroom windows are not shared by those around her. - We’re conflicted about the appropria...

"I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed" - Ben is perplexed by the settings on his dryer. - We still haven’t forgiven our friend Alex for shooting an unarmed man in the head, fourteen years ago (in a videogame). - We discuss ending a relationship and immediately regretting it. - Ben feels closer to Nobody after their recent apartment inspection. - Ben needs an impartial judge for his compet...

"I guess you didn't know it, but I am a fiddle player too..." - Ben has a life hack for a free a margarita. - Ben requires arbitration on his mum’s birthday text. - We discuss safe words and staying clear of people with clipboards. - We reminisce about the lost art of squeezing a text into 160 characters. - Nobody proposes post-wedding ‘f you’ cards for the worst guests. - We discuss Nobody’s husb...

"F-f-f-f-f-freestyler. Rock the microphone." - Ben has a business idea for Zooey Deschanel. - Kirsty faces a kiwi conundrum. - We reflect on the many dead wives of Henry VIII. - Nobody thinks that kids these days have too much entertainment to learn pub trivia. - Ben is stuck waiting in the shower for the babes to show up. - Nobody reinvents the justice system in her dreams. - Nobody reflects on h...

"Hot damn, hot water, hot shower" - Ben reviews Belle’s Spicy Chicken. - We revisit the concept of the best way to wear a towel after a shower. - We discuss crappy bathrooms, falling through the floor, Alfa Romeo accidents, door to door battery salesmen and patting strange dogs. - Nobody hates shower curtains and immovable screws. - Nobody’s latest Japanese trip makes her question her anatomy. - N...

"You see, me and my homies like to play this game" - We debate what qualifies as ‘walking distance’ and discuss waking up the car. - Nobody’s dad refuses to backtrack when travelling. - Ben makes his annual Active Your Read Receipts Day PSA. - Emoji audit: Hot face and pussy emoji’s. - Ben provides a dating app update as he gets stuck with the bill again. - Nobody proposes a follow up question ser...

"Blackpink in your area" - We name a dead person. - Ben’s new TV has kicked off an obsession with Korean television. - We answer Blackpink's hypothetical questions about death and zombies. - Nobody wants to establish some public bathroom etiquette. - Nobody awkwardly smiles at couples.

"My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea" - We discuss great taglines and getting heated playing board games. - Ben’s annoyed that overalls don’t actually go ‘over all’. - Nobody analyses the misheard song lyrics of My Bonnie lies over the ocean. - Ben visits Emporium and gets trapped in Rebel Sport. - Nobody has a rare but disappointing experience inhaling mouthwash. - Ben find...

"Bounce" - We want sweat proof headphones and devise a bouncy new gym playlist. - Ben reveals his million-dollar idea for the OCD light switch. - Nobody invents an app that shames people for not replying to her texts. - Nobody has been binging Monk and her viewing habits still infuriate Ben. - Nobody’s husband takes a flight with a man does nothing for an entire nine-hour flight.

"Well, I guess this is growing up" - We debate whether it’s best to eat cake with a fork or a spoon? - Nobody upsets her neighbours by not putting her ironing board away properly. - Ben’s dating app saga continues as he matches with a girl who thinks she recognises him from a wedding. - Ben wants to know what the ‘bonuses’ are for when donating sperm. - We discuss our actual age versus our mental...

"She leaves me with jelly legs. Where did all my good luck get to?" - Ben wants to scoop a few jellyfish out of the harbour, we dream of TVs popping out of the foot of the bed and discuss the traumatising Witcher fireplace. - Ben wants to scoop a few jellyfish out of the harbour, we dream of TVs popping out of the foot of the bed and discuss the traumatising Witcher fireplace. - We reflect on some...

"It's the fountain of youth, it’s the meaning of life. So hot, so sweet, so whet my appetite." - We declare Ovalteenies to be overrated and overpriced. - Nobody asks how old a glass of water you would drink from? - Nobody wakes up to a rat on her bedside table. - The Chinese are living underwater as they reach 100% ‘relative humidity’ during the week. - Ben is now advocating for wedding shorts. -...

"I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm" - Ben still doesn’t know which way to face in the elevator. - Ben loves Survivor and Jonathan LaPaglia's dirty mouth. - Ben buys some new pillows and Nobody’s regrets her Black Sails themed decor. - Nobody is becoming a COVID conspiracy theorist. - Nobody tests her husband on whether he would still love her if she was a snail? - We prov...

"I'd sent a text to the person the text was about." - We divulge our respective mayonnaise dilemmas. - Ben asks whether you’d accept the reward for returning a missing pet? - Ben uses his escape room mindset to fix his overheated phone. - Ben proposes a restrained use of the edit and delete instant messages feature. - Nobody has paid for eight weeks of tennis lessons and is absolutely hating it.

"A little bit of Jessica here I am. A little bit of you makes me your man." - We discover a spa without bubbles is just an awkward communal bath. - We discuss Nobody’s surprising choice for ‘the ultimate man’. - Ben gets compared to Wolverine and we devise a new dating app based tourism campaign. - Ben buys dinner from someone who doesn’t understand the concept of ‘buy two get one free’ and Nobody...

"I'm talkin' racks on top of racks. And stacks on top of that." - Ben raises an eyebrow at the weather app’s claims of reaching 98 percent humidity. - The Gävle Goat lives to see the new year but not unscathed. - We get an actual witch to weigh in on the female mage emoji. - Ben’s grandpa finds an unorthodox way to dry his stowaway cat during his time in the navy. - Ben asks whether you’d jaywalk...

"Everybody get dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb." - Ben realises he needs to value his time more highly after going on massive hunt for an ATM. - Nobody’s car gets a flat battery, which kicks off a massive altercation with a stubborn road crew worker. - Ben gets ushered to his very important lunch meeting at Parliament House. - Ben is saddened to learn that th...

"Fade into you. Strange you never knew." - We debate whether it’s okay to jaywalk in front of children. - Nobody gets stung on the butt by a bee, so we discuss bee’s vs humans and Candyman. - We do our annual check in on the Gävle goat and plot the crimes we would commit if there were zero consequences. - Ben wants to know if an invite on an unused credit means he’s getting a free ticket. - The Sq...

"We've got the ocean, got the babes, got the sun, we've got the waves" - Ben is deeply disappointed in his new mouthwash. - Curt provides some listener feedback and Spotify Wrapped is out for another year. - Nobody describes her partners ‘bathroom melange’ and she wants warning labels on body wash. - Ben is unimpressed with Chemist Warehouse’s lucky dips. - We attempt to decipher Ben’s mum’s lates...

"You and me together in a Tinderbox" - We explore what annoys Nobody and her neighbour’s eclectic playlist. - Ben swallows a big mint and gets its full caloric intake. - Ben joins Tinder and we do a deep dive on dating apps. - We swipe on some Tinder profiles and do Ben’s top picks. - We discuss matching with people you know in real life. - Ben goes on his first Tinder date. - Nobody gets vaccinat...

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey" - We discuss replacing water fountain jugs, the joys of piercing the lid of a tube of ointment and Nobody’s Netflix related injury. - We discuss flavoured water as we overanalyse the ingredients of La Croix and the lyrics of Kiss from a Rose. - Nobody struggles with weight loss and Ben’s still fixated on the tooth he lost as a child. - Nobody...

"I feel a little poke coming through, on you" - We strategise the best way to fight a horse sized chicken. - A ‘reality based’ Krav Maga dojo catches Ben’s attention. - Marge Simpsons and The Berenstain Bears make us feel old. - Nobody’s friend defends their house with a raging hard on. - We revisit the concept of the best way to wear a towel after a shower. - Nobody is having running etiquette wo...

"Just lift your eyes and follow the sun" - We agree that a secluded Maldives honeymoon sounds like hell. - Ben wonders if there’s a better way to wrap yourself in a towel after a shower. - Nobody is flying too close to the sun by making and then immediately cancelling plans to hang out. - In an attempt to hone her gaming abilities, Nobody completes the entirety of the game she was playing with Ben...