FBC Minneola

Secular - A Sunday School teacher was teaching her class about the "Fruit of the Spirit." She wanted to see if the kids really understood the concept. She asked, "If I’m always mean to my neighbors, if I don't share my toys, and if I’m constantly grumpy, what kind of person am I?" A little boy in the…

Secular - "The Roman guards in our text today were 'battle-hardened' men. They weren't afraid of much. But when that angel showed up, they fainted. It reminds me of the guy who was walking through a cemetery late at night and fell into a freshly dug grave that was about six feet deep. He tried and tried…

Secular - A young, energetic pastor was appointed to a very old, traditional church. On his first Sunday, he noticed that during the singing of the Invitation, the entire left side of the congregation stood up, while the entire right side stayed sitting down. The two sides started glaring at each other,…

Secular - A young man was walking through town and saw a sign in a pet store window: "Religious Parrot for Sale – $500." Intrigued, he went inside. The owner pointed to a beautiful green parrot. "This bird is amazing," the owner said. "If you pull the string on his right leg, he recites the Lord's Prayer.…

Secular - A mother was pushing her double stroller through the park when an elderly woman stopped her. "Oh, what beautiful children!" the woman exclaimed. "How old are they?" The mother straightened up and said, "The Doctor is three, and the Lawyer is only six months." Historical/Cultural Context - This…

Secular - A man dies and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. Peter meets him and says, "Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to get into Heaven. You tell me what you’ve done, and I’ll tell you how many points it’s worth." The man feels pretty confident. "Well," he says, "I was married to the same…

Secular - A man was talking to God and asked, "Lord, what is a million years to you?" God said, "To me, a million years is like a second." The man asked, "And what is a million dollars to you?" God said, "To me, a million dollars is like a penny." The man thought for a moment and said, "Lord, can I have…

Secular - "A man and his wife were having a bit of a disagreement about who should make the coffee in the morning. The wife said, 'You should do it. You’re already up and moving around before I am.' The husband said, 'No, you’re the cook of the household. That’s your domain. You should handle the coffee.'…

Secular - A pastor was preaching on Matthew 18 and got particularly fired up during the third point. He leaned over the pulpit and shouted, "Is there anyone here who can honestly say they have forgiven every single person who ever 'trespassed' against them?" To his surprise, a 92-year-old man in the…

Secular - A young, ambitious man had just started his own business and rented a fancy office in downtown. He wanted to look like a "big deal," so he spent a lot of money on mahogany furniture and expensive suits. As he was sitting there, he saw a man walking toward his door. Wanting to look incredibly…

Secular - "A man was walking along a narrow mountain ridge when he accidentally slipped over the edge. Luckily, he managed to grab a sturdy branch and was hanging there, thousands of feet above the rocks below. He looked up toward heaven and yelled, 'Is anyone up there?! Help me!' Suddenly, a booming…

Secular - There was a man who had been a faithful member of his church for 50 years. He sat in the exact same spot—third pew from the front, left side—every single Sunday. It was practically his "monument." One Sunday, he arrived to find a young visitor sitting in "his" spot. The usher, sensing a crisis,…

Secular - A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what the Prophet Elijah’s last words were?" A little boy in the back stood up and said, "Go, get ‘em, Tiger!" The teacher was confused. "Where on earth did you hear that?" The boy replied, "In the Bible! It says right there: 'Elijah…

Secular - A pastor was walking down the street when he saw a group of neighborhood boys surrounding a stray dog. "What are you boys doing?" the pastor asked. One of the boys looked up and said, "We found this dog, and we all want him. So we decided that whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep him."…

Secular - A young boy was asked by his Sunday School teacher to say the grace before the annual church potluck. The boy was nervous, looking at the massive crowd and the piles of food. He closed his eyes tight and prayed: "Lord, thank you for this food. And please, if there isn't enough to go around,…

Secular - A visiting preacher was invited to speak at a small country church. At the entrance, he noticed a small offering box with a sign that read, "For the Poor." Feeling a bit generous and wanting to set a good example, the preacher reached into his wallet and dropped a five-dollar bill into the…

Most of us know the story of the angel Gabriel visiting Mary, a young girl in Nazareth. She’s startled when an angel appears about a promise of the long awaited Messiah, the savior. This instance let’s us know that our God is a personal God. One who is closer than a brother. We are going to look at this…

Secular - A young man was training to be a preacher and was practicing his delivery in front of his mentor. The young preacher paused dramatically and declared, "And the Lord said... and the Lord said... and the Lord said..." He repeated the phrase five times, trying to build suspense. The mentor whispered,…

Secular - Notice on a church sign: " 'What is Hell?' Come here and find out! Actual typo found in a bulletin: "Don't forget the bring your coats to the potluck. Also, the annual picnic will feature a new dessert: Jell-O and Satan." (They meant gelatin.) Historical/Cultural Context - This Gospel is written…

Secular - A $50 bill and a $1 bill met on the conveyor belt at the Federal Reserve, both about to be retired and shredded. As they moved down the line, they started chatting about their lives in circulation. The $50 bill puffed out his chest and bragged, "I have had the most amazing life! I’ve been to…

Secular - A pastor was finishing up his sermon on Sunday morning and said, "Next week, I'm going to preach on the sin of lying. To help you prepare, I want everyone to read chapter 17 of the Gospel of Mark." The following Sunday, the pastor asked the congregation, "How many of you read chapter 17 of…

Secular - A woman was worried about her husband who had recently joined the church. She told the pastor, "He's becoming too religious. He wants me to give away my jewelry, sell my expensive car, and donate all our savings to the church!" The pastor paused and asked, "Are you sure he's praying, or is…

Secular - Pastor David loved two things almost as much as his congregation: catchy church signs and golf. One Saturday, he was out on the local course enjoying a beautiful day when he realized he was going to be slightly late getting back to church to change the weekly sign. He rushed over to the church…

Secular - Mrs. Henderson, a pillar of the community and known for her incredibly large, wide-brimmed Sunday hats, arrived at service one morning a bit late. The sanctuary was packed, and the only available seat was next to Mr. Peterson, who was notoriously grumpy and easily distracted. Mrs. Henderson…