DNA Surprises

What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her  DNA surprise in 2021.  A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one free sale, so she decided to take a test hersel...

Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises.  In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery.  Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys. You’ll also learn how she’s moving forward, in...

Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship.  When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As it turns out, both her mother and grandmother had...

DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories. This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before we begin, I’m going to break down who’s who. Jessic...

To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father. They each reflect on their personal journeys and how they’ve supported each other a...

DNA surprises rarely happen in a vacuum. So many of the people I speak to have experienced other traumas throughout their lives, long before sending off DNA tests. In this week’s episode, Courtney shares how her mother’s mental health struggles played a large part in her childhood.  She knew she was adopted by her stepfather when she was young and grew up feeling abandoned and ignored by her biolo...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Iliamari Vazquez Houston, a therapist based out of the Phoenix metro area. Iliamari will facilitate a session on generational trauma - and generational healing - at the  DNA Surprise Retreat , September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss what generational trauma is and how we can begin to break the cycles of secrets and shame in the DNA surpr...

Sometimes, after DNA surprises are revealed, our relationships with our raised parents become strained. Sometimes, this leads to estrangement. But for others, these surprises simply compound already strained relationships.  When Dawn had her DNA surprise, she was already virtually no contact with her mother. In this week’s episode, she shares why she initially made the decision to go little to no...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Jenna Hedstrom, E-RYT 500 and Expert Breathwork Facilitator. Jenna will lead a breathwork session at the  DNA Surprise Retreat , September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. During our conversation, we discuss what breathwork is and how it benefits us. We also chat about how to overcome blockers around practicing something new, like breathwork.  If this...

(CW: Suicide, abuse)A common question in our community is “when is the right time to tell the truth about parentage?” While some say there is never a good time to tell, many believe that the truth should be shared from birth. In this week’s episode, Miranda’s story highlights the importance of telling early - and often.  Miranda’s mother never hid the truth about her paternity, but she still recal...

During this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I interview advanced yoga teacher Lanita Ugstad. Lanita will facilitate a gentle movement session at the  DNA Surprise Retreat , September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss how yoga is beneficial for people who have experienced trauma, and what it means to facilitate a session through a trauma lens. Lanita also offers some guidance for people who ar...

Did you grow up feeling different from your family? That feeling of being inexplicably out of place haunts many people in the DNA surprise community throughout childhood and adulthood - before they uncover the truth. In this week’s episode, Sarah shares how while she always felt different from her family - she was more sensitive and had a different worldview. Still, she never suspected that her be...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I speak with therapist Venessa De La Cruz about betrayal trauma. Venessa will facilitate a session on Betrayal Trauma at the  DNA Surprise Retreat , September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. She defines what betrayal trauma is and how things like DNA surprises can manifest for us both physically and mentally. We also dive into how to begin rebuilding trust again. If t...

So many DNA surprises start with a gift. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Prime Day. Christmas. Almost every month, consumer DNA testing companies offer deals encouraging people to give a DNA test as a present. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how this sometimes turns out. In this week's episode, Shannon shares how after receiving a DNA test as a gift from a friend, she learned that her...

This special episode of DNA Surprises features Megan Irwin, a licensed therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma, and PTSD. Megan will facilitate a session on parts work at the 2024  DNA Surprise Retreat , September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. During our discussion, we covered what parts work is (and isn’t) and why people typically think of it in terms of their inner child. Megan shared how recogniz...

Race. Ethnicity. Heritage. These are complex topics without the added nuance of a DNA surprise. Author Janeen Jackson grew up with two younger brothers and her parents in an African American household. In this week’s episode, she shares how, through a DNA test, she not only learned that she is adopted, but that her biological father is a white man.  Janeen discusses the complexities of navigating...

If there is one thing I hope we can all agree on, it’s that families come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with DNA surprises end up with two, three, or more fathers and just as many mothers, too.  When Steve experienced his DNA surprise, he already had two men in his life that he called “Dad.” After he learned the truth about who his biological father is, he added a third to his list. In this...

Most of the time, when I speak to people on the podcast, we learn that the reason they took the test was out of curiosity or for fun. Maybe they were given the DNA test as a gift from a friend or significant other. So imagine my surprise when I learned that this week’s guest was given her Ancestry DNA kit by her mother. Welcome to Season 8 of DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, Julie shares how...

There is never a good time to discover that the man you’ve called “Dad” for your entire life isn’t biologically related to you, but I imagine that having this realization as he lays in a hospital bed, dying, must be among the worst. In the season 7 finale of DNA Surprises, Dana Schmalenberg shares how she uncovered the truth that both of her parents held tightly until the day her father passed. Sh...

How do you define family? For so many of us, DNA surprises have made us reflect deeply on this question. For Wyatt, Cassidy, Cody, and Angela, the answer is different depending on who you ask. Twenty-plus years ago when Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody were born, fertility clinics didn’t advocate for disclosure. So when their mother and father asked Angela, a clinic employee who’d befriended their mom, to...

Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse? In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovered her shocking DNA surprise, learning that her bio...

Picture this: you grow up with a sibling who is convinced they are not your dad’s biological child. No one knows about DNA surprises or NPEs or anything like that, but they just know their dad isn't THEIR dad. Years later, after commercial DNA testing becomes commonplace, you offer them some peace of mind. All of your siblings take a test to prove, once and for all, that your parents are the b...

Secrets. Secrets are often at the beginning of a DNA surprise. But after the surprise is uncovered, is that the end of them? In this week’s episode, Ryan shares how on one fateful Thanksgiving, his mother confessed the truth about his paternity. When he spoke to his birth certificate father and his biological father, they both requested that he continue the secrecy. Ryan discusses why keeping the...

Something that I’ve heard more than once on this podcast is a situation that goes something like this: people are having an argument. A mother and child. A husband and wife. Both parents with their child, or some other combination. And then, in the heat of the moment, someone reveals the truth. So and so isn’t your real dad anyway.  And then, just as quickly as it was blurted out, it is taken back...

Tina grew up believing that her biological father didn’t want to be part of her life. Imagine her shock when, after taking a DNA test, she found out that her biological father is someone else altogether. In this week’s episode, Tina shares how she found her biological father and then quickly lost him. She also reveals her family history of NPEs, including her own son. Thank you for sharing your st...