D&D is For Nerds

UNDEAD , Falsely Named (soft) - Sometimes known as a Wraith or Wrath. It-eth would be near to malpractice-eth for this reporter to not begin this-in entry without-eth notifying you savvy hunter that should-eth thy believe that it is truly a Falsely Named Undead that thy encounters here-in is thy suggested course of actions: run. Run and do not-eth look back for to even gaze back is to invite destr...

"... Gaz, the vile deity of assassins and the hated, was only a normal halfling in those days. Many philosophers have debated why Gaz committed such an abomination to the fabric of reality: was it pride, desire for power, some other dark reason? Or perhaps as some have speculated a terrible contract given to a mortal being that was never intended on being fulfilled? Another question that has...

Spot Length: :60 Talent: 9 Hells Toy Circle Co. Title: D'Grugrial Rebrand Start With a Story  (Required. Personalise so it sounds like you're telling a friend about the new D'Grugrial action figure) Your Story : First, talk about a moment you needed the new D'Grugrial action figure but didn't have the new D'Grugrial at hand. Then introduce the new D'Grugrial action figure as the fix. Example:...

Over a year ago, an argument outside the old bone grinder. Two voices. One coaxing the other. Soothing assurance that whatever they might find inside will be no match for the two of them. It’ll be fine Paul, it’s only hags. The other voice, less sure, less certain, providing a laundry list of reasons they should probably turn around. The first voice lower now, more gentle. Trust me, I’ve got you....

There is no formal name given to worship of the One Above and the One Below. It is a strange religion and one not well known outside of the small pockets of the multiverse where people practise it. Those who believe see themselves as part of a grander cosmic food chain with the One Below being the source of their power. They feed on one One Below to power their minds and bodies and souls and spell...

I had no ambition to be remembered. All I knew is that I wanted a desk eventually. Somewhere dry and quiet. A place where my boots didn't end the day caked in mud and dirt. I did not care for the frontline. I did not care for battle. I did not care that my wife always worried whenever I went on a campaign. I was not, and will never be, what you'd call a hero. Someone history bent around. That was...

An army marches on its stomach. Please do not take this literally. As impressive as it may look, a thousand men flopping, rolling and laughing in the mud is neither intimidating or practical. What I am talking about is, very simply, food.  Every quartermaster knows the phrase "send a druid before the cart and the army eats before it starts". Yet seldom do they know the second part of the phra...

There's a saying in ol' North Warlocksburg: " Still water runs deep, and deep water runs wise, and wise water knows better than to answer questions it wasn't asked." Nobody can tell you what that means. Yet it gets recited at weddings, funerals, and most minor irrigation disputes. Usually with a solemn head nod for emphasis. It's also, if you ask around, the reason our little town turns out so man...

Trail Waffles: How I Found Myself Again [↓ Jump to Recipe ↓] (you can click that if you want, I won't be offended, though I will say a small prayer for you to Glizabert, Goddess of Travel, Privilege and Whatever-the-Opposite-of-White-Guilt-is) I wasn't always a person who made waffles on a donkey. I know. I know. You came here for a recipe, and instead you are getting Filmeena's Feelings, and I pr...

Alchemy has a reputation for grand gestures. A pinch of grave-moss, a vial of moon-condensed dew, a hair from something that used to be a person, all tipped into a vessel (usually an ornate iron cauldron) at once with great ceremony, to the delight of the audience or client. I want to be very clear with you: this is not alchemy. This is theatre, and theatre does not require you to have functioning...

14th of the Neyavr Mama says it's only elk, calling to each other across the valley. But I have never heard an elk sound like that. It came three times, low and long, like a horn blown by something with no lungs to exhaust. The dogs would not stop shaking until well past moonrise. 16th of the Neyavr Old Tomas is gone. His wife says she heard the horn the night before. Tomas went out "to see whose...

I never knew what to expect when travelling with Him. There were days He was quiet and focused, when nothing in the world could pull His attention from the road ahead. Other days it was as though He could not sit still in His own skin, chasing one thought after another as if they fell out of His head faster than He could follow them. The day He bowed his head to an undead king, and very nearly did...

GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME THE CUP. GIVE ME T If you want to hear more of Ellie...

After learning more about worship of the ocean deity Ehellia; the Cult of Salt and Sail "dedicated" to her; and the Cup of True Passage, a sacred relic for Ehellia worshipers that the cult is literally willing to kill for. Tyke Baphammer suggests they steal the relic as a bargaining chip with the cult, Ephraim Red explains the Monty Hall problem to their companions, and Sticks sends her beloved fi...

The hope, as always, is that all will be revealed at the Chapel of Ends. Unfortunately, despite Leopold’s Errant Mercenaries best efforts. It seems this House of the Dead is keeping its secrets. As Sticks and Tyke tussle with an amnesiac corpse, for whom even Speak with Dead is of no use, Ephraim investigates the mysteriously ash covered dead body of Penelope Solverson (he is then once again poiso...

Suspicions are high as Leopold’s Errant Mercenaries begin to investigate, starting with the childhood bedroom of Jocelyn Solverson. Rather than providing an answer, the contents of the room only provoke further question. Tyke Baphammer destroys the rooms walls, convinced that a special diary lies within, Ephraim leaves the room entirely to investigate a suspicious lake to great effect (aside from...

As if the city of Fairburn Point didn’t have enough problems, tragedy has struck the prominent Solverson Family. Their daughter, Jocelyn Solverson has gone missing and in a city so awash with darkness, the poor girl could be anywhere. Leopold’s Errant Mercenaries have sent their most discrete agents to solve the problem: the self-serious Ephraim Red, the ever-distracted Sticks and her goldfish Twi...

Running a business and having a toddler is hard. I don't recommend it. If you happen to be in the Gold Coast next weekend on May 23 and 24 for  TableTopCon  come and say hi to Zammit and Jackson as they demo Jarren's Outpost! This will be the first time Zammit will be spending night away from Johnny Baby and will need a lot of moral support. Next week Jackson and Adam are joined by Ellie...

The Explosive Ghoul is identical in nearly every-eth manner to their regular cousins but with several notable exceptions: Abyssal energies: what has been identified to power the ghouls has been “supercharged” extensively to such a point that the Explosive Ghoul gains its name and upon destruction will combust and release said energies at high degree and far reach. This can clearly-eth be seen-eth...

this one has discovered what this one likes to call ‘the-heroes-journey.’ this one believes that this ones new invention will revolutionize the science of storytelling. as important as previous story-inventions such as creative-liberties, fore-shadowing, and the-ticking-clock. possibly the most important element of a the-heroes-journey is what this one calls ‘crossing-the-threshold’ or ‘getting-to...

“… and I only collect shiny things because they remind me of the stars. It reminds me of the night and your absence which I find anticipatory. I often wonder if you feel the same? Do you feel as electrified as I do to know that while you are not here now, I shall see you soon? Cresting the horizon with your enrapturing gaze. And in those moments, when you see me and smile, I understand why ice mel...

This one wants that one to have big think of three delicious eggs for this one to eat and this one only wants the most delicious egg, even though this one would be very happy with all three delicious eggs, but for sake of good story, only one egg is best egg. Other eggs only pretty good egg, but still egg, and that’s good. If that one choose one egg it only one third of being most delicious egg. I...

Dracula : Sometimes known as a vampyr or Lesser Greater Vampire (or just vampire if thy savvy hunter wishes to be seen as uncouth as well as (or in addition to (or instead of)) savvy) this book thinks it foolish to contend with such a creature so don’t worry about it. Thy shall know to avoid thou dracula if they are in a region where a faint or minor trace of that magic known as necromancy is...

We gather in your light to release this soul from shadow. You who walked this mortal road have earned your rest. Your deeds are written not in stone, but in the warmth of those you sheltered, in the fires you kindled against the dark, in the lives that burned brighter for your presence. Adventurer, your curiosity got the better of you, but you can now lay down you arms. Your burdens are finished....

To the Attention of Rahadin, I understand you are making a shortlist for potential assistants for me to l ook through  peruse when I return, however would like to put forward my own recommendation. I apologise if you’ve already put in the work but I have rather unexpectedly ran into a trusted friend from my homeland here, in Castle Ravenloft.  The man whom whomst that handed you It is wi...