Apocalypse Video

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1969’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave Agents - Mike, Jackie & Nick “Immortan Hoof” Mission Objectives: Evaluate the new 007: George Lazenby ( and ascertain whether or not his Butt-Chin can double as a deadly weapon ) Book a room at Piz Gloria (aka: the United Nations of Babes) Shock the au...

After weeks of Suburban Commando’s, Lawnmower Men, and cartoon RoboCop’s, we here at Apocalypse Video thought it was high time we watched a quality movie from a quality director. Something with comedy, action, and romance; a true crowd pleaser. And what better director to choose than old Sammy Fableman himself: Steven Spielberg. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we break out of pre-release ar...

With Shocktober behind us, I must admit that I’m a little relieved that our non-stop horror movie marathon has come to an end. Don’t get me wrong, I love Shocktober as much as the next guy, but thirty one straight days of nothing but horror films is bound to wear anyone down just a little bit. Thankfully, we here at Apocalypse Video happen to have a super computer named C.H.A.D. that can recommend...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. ZIP CHIPS ARE RUINING OUR CHILDREN’S MINDS 2. ROBO TEAMS UP WITH THE ULTRA-POLICE FOR A NEW TOY LINE 3. CLARENCE BODDICKER RETURNS TO UP THE VIOLENCE LEVEL TO TV-Y7 DIRECTIVE 5:...

COMMAND COM LOAD BIOS MEMORY SET SYSTEM STATUS OK… SECTOR 2 - APOCALYPSE VIDEO CARTOON DISCUSSION IN PROGRESS… SUSPECTS: APOCALYPSE VIDEO MANAGER: “DAVE” AND WASTELAND RULER: “IMMORTAN HOOF” DISCUSSION TOPICS DETECTED: 1. ROBO BEATS CAPTAIN PLANET TO THE “SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT” CAMPAIGN 2. ROBO LOSES POWER YET AGAIN 3. ROBO-DOGS DIRECTIVE 5: RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE TO APOCALYPSE VIDEO WHEREVER P...

Six times the terror... Six times the fear... Six times the thrills... At long last, the origin of Michael’s Madness is finally revealed…via a producer's cut that was too stupid for public consumption. It’s Halloween 6: The Cursed Reshoot - err, I mean, The Curse of Michael Myers. I’m your host Dave, and joining me as we try to make sense of this goofy retcon is fellow horror fan and Cult of Thorn...

Welcome kiddies to the final installment of the Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition. For our last bout of cyber horror, we bring you the 1975 horror classic, The Stepford Wives . I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we submit our applications to the Men’s Association are fellow horror fans and black eyed automatons Mike, Jackie, Ryan, and Immortan Hoof ( aka: Nick ). Topics o...

The line between horror film and thriller is something that comes up a lot in film nerd circles. Is Silence of the Lambs a horror film or a thriller? Does a film have to include a big, scary guy with a knife chasing a naked woman through the woods to be considered Horror ? Who’s to say? But one thing is certain, there is nothing as horrifying as Tom Sizemore’s wig in Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days...

This year’s Shocktober may focus on cyber horror, but nothing - not even Jobe “Lawnmower Man” himself - can stop a hockey masked slasher on his favorite day! I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we snort some top dollar toot are fellow horror fans and people who never learned to swim, despite being thrown into the deep end of Crystal Lake, Mike and Jackie. Topics of discussion in this episode in...

With Jobe busy back on Earth making sure everyone’s phone is ringing, the Apocalypse Video Shocktober Spooktacular: Cyber Edition blasts off to space with the 1987 anime Lily C.A.T. , a film that asks, what if Alien and The Thing were combined into one movie? And, the more important question, could it be done without Ridley Scott and John Carpenter sicking their lawyers? I’m your host, Dave, and j...

Prepare yourselves, kiddies. The spooooky season has officially returned. And this time…we’re going digital. All month long Apocalypse Video celebrates the scariest pixelated horrors that the cyber realm has to offer - everything from Lawnmower men to vengeful cyber cats. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we follow the white rabbit into cyber hell are fellow cinephiles and former America Onli...

With Shocktober mere days away, we decided what better way to get ready for the spooooky season than by watching the 1977 nunsploitation film Alucarda , a movie filled with fire, crazy goth girls, and demon orgies officiated by a guy in a giant goat mask. I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as we walk the dark path are fellow cinephiles and card carrying members of the Beelzebub Club, Mike and Imm...

Behold! His excellence, Immortan Hoof, has graced our pitiful video store with his presence. And he comes bearing gifts; specifically, George A. Romero’s criminally underseen 1981 motorcycle jousting film, Knightriders. I am your humble video store manager, Dave, and joining me as we embark on a journey through anachronistic Ren-Faires and crazed motorcycle gangs are my fellow knights Ryan, Cody,...

This is David Snider, Mission Log: With our extensive four hour training course complete we are now ready to set sail into the unknown. It’s as if we’re diving…through the memories of the planet. But we are about to pass from memory…into madness. A madness caused by our insatiable need for 33% Grade-A Beef, aka: Taco Bell. Joined by my stalwart companions and movie buffs, Ryan, Mike, and explosive...

Apocalypse Video Bond-Cast Mission Dossier: The Target: 1967’s You Only Live Twice Your Contacts: Apocalypse Video (M)anager - Dave (cover name: Davis Schneider) Agents - Mike & Jackie Mission Objectives: Try not to cringe too hard when Bond is “Turned Japanese”. Ascertain the living accommodations of Blofeld’s cronies in his volcano lair. Uncover the pointed history of “The Bullet Bra”, as se...

Captain’s Log: Stardate 50893.5 The Apocalypse Video Trek Cast is now nearing the end of this leg of its journey into the Final Frontier and what better way to close this loop than by watching the 1996 box office hit First Contact, a film which perfectly captured the poise and restraint of Capt. Jean Luc Picar—whoa, is that a borg?! Die you cyborg son of a bitch! Aggggrrhhhh! Ahem. Excuse me. As I...

In a world where you constantly hear “ we made it for the fans ”, one film dared to buck the trend… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me as I descend into a mad, macabre world of overgrown fungus and bizarre sexual undertones are fellow cinephiles and drug hallucinations Mike, Ryan, and Nick (aka Immortan Hoof). Listen as we discuss the film that brought Mario and Luigi to the big screen (for bette...

“I prayed that he would burn in Hell, but in my heart I knew that Hell would not have HIM!” Welcome back, Kiddies! It may be Summer, but someone has returned to spoil our vacation plans… I’m your host, Dave, and joining me again as we watch the epitome of diminishing returns is fellow horror fan Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Topics of discussion in this episode include Loomis going full Ahab; Michael clai...

Hello, wastelanders! And welcome to Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest: Part III - The Summer Games: Extra Innings! I’m your host and team manager, Dave, and joining me as we batter up for the final final installment of The Summer Games are fellow cinephiles and ballplayers Janna, Kara, and Jackie. I, for one, am glad that this group of ladies stormed the Funderdome and forced a screening of Penny Marsha...

Somebody better call the Justice Department - Entertainment Division , because things are about to heat up as Hot Dave’s Summer Film Fest: Part III concludes with its most explosive installment yet! I’m your host and Lead Stalker, Dave, and joining me as we rev up our buzzsaws are fellow cinephiles and Dynamo fanboys Mike and Cody. Listen as we discuss how you should never punish Arnold Schwarzene...

“Nobody reinvents this game...” I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we boot up our computers and do some statistical analysis are fellow cinephiles and washed up ballplayers Ryan, Cody, Nick “Immortan Hoof”, and Special Guest, Andrew. Listen as we discuss Moneyball , the film that breaks down the game of Baseball with cold, hard, capitalist efficiency; we try to determine if Bi...

“I want to say hello to my parents and my Kung Fu master, but they're all dead.” I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we prepare to kick some grass are fellow cinephiles Ryan, Cody, and Nick “Immortan Hoof”. Listen as we discuss what could only be referred to as Dragon Ball Z on the soccer field; we’ll cover the differences between the original Chinese and International cuts; an...

You’ll believe a Dog can fly… I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we let the dogs out are fellow cinephiles Ryan, Mike, and special guest and former All Star of the Milwaukee Mutos, Andrew. Listen as we discuss one of the most shockingly dour kid’s sports movies ever made; we try to keep up as the movie goes from Dog Playing Basketball to Courtroom Drama; and finally, we take a...

** DISCLAIMER: Apocalypse Video would like to point out that anyone can play baseball, including girls, and that sexually harassing young lifeguards is wrong - even if you later end up marrying them, buy a drugstore together, and have nine kids.** Now, with that out of the way, let’s PLAAAAAY BALLLLL!! I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we chew some Big Chief and ogle our loca...

Before we begin this episode’s written synopsis, I’d like to remind everyone reading that Corporations are Good and Individuality is Bad. Now, with that said, let’s sit back, take some drug Altoids, and enjoy America’s Favorite Death Sport - err, I mean, Past Time: Rollerball! I’m your host and Team Captain, Dave, and joining me as we try our best to avoid getting dragged into the path of an oncom...