Worst Collection Ever

Marvel Premiere #28 (1976) In the most unexpected of occurrences, the sole survivor of a prehistoric race returns from interplanetary exile to lay claim to Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, dropping a huge mountain in the middle of the street. Ghost Rider was going to hit up a Westerns matinee at the New Beverly but now he has to deal with this. Concurrently in LA, Morbius keeps trying to snack on...

Justice League of America #106 (1973) Red Tornado gets so trashed that he gets bounced over to Earth-One and gets a new face from a blind man in the mountains. He shows up to help the JLA and Batman’s like “you can help us but you still suck.” Superman, meanwhile, can’t wait to burn a hole in Reddy’s head. In an ironic twist, Superman’s violent tendencies prove to be helpful in thwarting T.O. Morr...

Avengers #185 (1979) Wanda and Pietro go back home to Transylvania to find out if they really were the children of 1940s superheroes as opposed to being a militant mutant’s kids that he left to be raised by the High Evolutionary and a bovine woman. In the middle of the night, a medieval pick-up artist negs Wanda into taking a trip up the Swiss Alps. Pietro freaks out, tells a lonely old man to sho...

Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #1 (1954) / Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #2 (1954) Jimmy Olson, Superman’s dumbest Earth friend (I don’t know - he might have a Kryptonian equivalent), continues to ruin Superman and Clark Kent’s lives.  In the first story, Jimmy handles a to-do list for Superman while he’s out saving folks in Switzerland. Instead of, you know, getting pets out of trees, Jimmy opts...

WildC.A.T.s Annual #1 (2000) We finally got around to messing with a WildC.A.T.s book on the show and its smack dab in the middle of their jabroni period where the original team died and angry cyborgs ran amok. In this (I guess) annual, Grifter’s brother Condition Red returns from the dead only to get returned to dust by Grifter himself. Its not all that exciting but thankfully we spend a consider...

OMAC [vol 3] #3 (2006) In the past, OMAC was just a singular dude with an intense mohawk that got his gimmick from a space satellite. In the FUTURE (now), you can make OMACs in bulk by injecting teenage street junkies with OMAC-rich gruel and hope for the best. After an EMP, only one OMAC remains - Kevin Costner’s son Mike - who rebels against the Brother Eye by crashing into the Nevada desert and...

The Twelve #5 (2008) THE TWELVE is about a group of thawed-out superheroes from the 40s waking up in 2008 to find that there are still NO FLYING CARS! I hear ya man. The one dressed like a Musketeer gets a network TV deal to host a variety show while the Hourman clone is gotten to by high school kids and flies around crying in his surprisingly revealing outfit. Finally, the cover star - the Witnes...

Manhunter [vol 3] #25 (2006) Kate Spencer aka Manhunter IV goes to a Los Angeles power-pop showcase with Obsidian and some friends. They are ambushed in the club by Sweeney Todd aka Handsome Solomon Grundy. A fight ensues with a psionic straight razor and some slicin’ & dicin’ just as the paparazzi show up. Also, Wonder Woman stops by looking for some legal representation. Continue the convers...

Route 666 #3 (2002) ROUTE 666 follows Cassie, a gymnast on an alternate Earth-like planet, who develops the power to see dead people. She can’t stop inadvertently killing those around her so she gets committed to a sanitarium (welcome home) run by a cannibal Tobias Funke. Tobias eats a dude’s neck so Cassie bolts and ruins the lives of a local sheriff and his son.  Also, let’s not forget this...

Silver Sable and The Wild Pack #3 (1992) Welcome back to the show, Silver! It’s a shame that Silver Sable never really gets more of a shine (pun intended) in the Marvel media offerings. She’s got a unique look and she likes to f*ckfight with her ex-husband Lou Gramm, the Foreigner. She’s also got a rogues gallery (or maybe just a single rogue) featuring the likes of Gattling, the unholy union of B...

Outcasts #3 (1987) OUTCASTS is about the mutant-hating future where they send said mutants to the moon to hang out with corporate Pinhead at a resort colony where the men get gassed to death. The women and their children are harvested for enzymes that let old people live forever and get sexually aroused. Fighting against the status quo are the Outcasts, comprised of Ricardo Montalban, a blue zombi...

Comics’ Greatest World: Hero Zero #1 (1993) In this Dark Horse offering, some kid runs out into the freezing Nevada desert in the middle of the night to turn himself into a giant pastel Iron Man-looking ripoff. It’s not for nothing though as he punches a reluctant dragon and shatters it into pygmy monsters. Also, we meet up again with the Rimjob and the Waffle Aliens from our previous encounter wi...

Thunderstrike #13 (1994) Thunderstrike and Luke Cage team up to track down a former college basketball standout-turned-bison monster into the bowels of a barbershop where a rouge S.H.I.E.L.D. operative whips out his Mandroid. We’ve also got some phone-related action as Luke uses the phone inside of a renovated porno theatre while Mephisto (maybe?) has an extremely moist conversation with a henchma...

Hourman #8 (1999) DC decided that after a few random JLA appearances that the new android Hourman was hip enough to get his own series. It was a dubious call to some but adding Snapper Carr as a human tether is not going to help you in the long run. In this issue, Hourman isn’t even there so we’re stuck with jabroni-ass Snapper bargaining with demons over cheesecake, making ketchup pentagrams and...

Poison Elves #19 (1996) POISON ELVES was a super-indie cult comic about, well, elves that like to dress up like ninjas and seek vengeance against other elves and maybe some humans.  In this particular issue, Lusiphur the Assassin Elf drops some serious ultra-violence on a warehouse full of villains (?) that may or may not have killed his father and caused his mother to get gangrene in her foo...

Starjammers [vol 2] #5 (2005) STARJAMMERS are a group of Marvel space pirates, one of which is Cyclops’s dad. Since that would be interesting, he doesn’t appear in this book. We do get in its place the tale of a young military cadet disillusioned with what he’s been fighting for as the government raids a planet of Groots to use their seeds for drug snacks. FYI - there was some audio botching in th...

JLA Classified #6 (2006) Booster Gold screws around in Doctor Fate’s tower and accidentally sends a bunch of JLAers and himself to Hell. Instead of being melted and tortured by the Spinner of Lies, fast food franchise owner Etrigan approaches them with the option to work at his burger joint and avoid demon slaughter.  Meanwhile, back on non-Hell Earth (but really, what’s the difference), Powe...

Jon Sable, Freelance #16 (1984) Jon Sable (possibly a distant relative of Silver Sable) is a hitman-for-hire that specializes in Godkiller firearms and having sex with jewel thieves in Frank Lloyd Wright-designed homes. He’s such a good freelance hitman that he built a physical representation of HOGAN’S ALLEY on the NES in his own home.  In this particular issue, Jon and Maggie The Jewel Thie...

The Next #1 (2006) THE NEXT is DC’s stab at a mid-80s low budget teenage movie premise about gnarly dudes and dudettes screwing with the space-time continuum, presented thru the filter of 1999 MTV Spring Break but released in the mid-2000s. The aforementioned teenagers and their translucent dog show up in our timeline, cause a young woman to get hit by a bus, only to be revived by a group of dead...

Supreme Power #16 (2005) SQUADRON SUPREME is one of those Marvel properties that they keep trying to get to work — and it DOES to a point — but it never feels bigger than you would think it is. Here’s another take on it where Hyperion is raised by the government, Doctor Spectrum makes out with amphibious telepaths and Whizzer has a holographic mother. Special appearance by comedian and character a...

Comics’ Greatest World: Out Of The Vortex #1 (1993) Oh man, time for some Dark Horse comics! In this offering, an alien in a dope-looking outfit appears out of nowhere in a military base located in Cinnabar Flats, Nevada. “Cinnabar” makes us think of cinnamon which is appropriate because our alien guy (Vortex the Heretic) encounters opposition in the form of space spartans carrying electric Eggo w...

Team Titans #4 (1992) TEAM TITANS is a superhero team held up by the premise that Donna Troy’s son put chemical additives in our food around the turn of the century and made us all dummies so that we’d accept his genocide campaign. Sounds terrible but on the bright side, this gimmick stuff gave kids superpowers and, in a ploy to stop this tragedy from happening, travelled back in time to start a r...

Powerline #4 (1988) We kickoff an ongoing experiment during these quarantine times as we go through a random selection of books purchased online from Mile High Comics here in Denver. Hopefully, we won’t have to get thru all of these so that we can resume purchasing dollar comics from physical bins. What we have this week is POWERLINE, a dreary book about two teens with strangely complementary powe...

Thor #246 (1976) Instead of self-quarantining himself with Quarter Pounders and Errol Flynn films, Thor opts instead to disrupt a Latin American revolution because he saw that his buddy Firelord was there. Later, Thor no-sells Jane Foster disrobing and ends up getting hypnotized so overall, not a good time. Meanwhile in Asgard, Balder the Brave looks to depose Odin for banishing loyal soldiers to...

World’s Finest Comics #110 (1960) In the further adventures an insane billionaire and his alien madman friend, Bats and Supes encounter an alien who is trying to run a real estate scheme on an asteroid by miniaturizing attractions across the galaxy and starting up his own Epcot Center gimmick (but in SPACE) Things go from worse to even worse when said alien entrepreneur absorbs part of Robin’s lif...