Parent Pause

It might be us. Every summer seems to bring with it a strange kind of pressure. Pressure to make memories. Pressure to be grateful. Pressure to make the most of every moment. And, of course, pressure not to compare our family life with everybody else’s carefully edited version of theirs. In this Parent Pause, I’m wondering whether summer has a way of exposing all sorts of things in us - our guilt,...

Does anyone else feel as though they’ve become the activities manager of a very demanding holiday resort? Every summer, I hear parents worrying that they aren’t doing enough. Not enough days out, not enough adventures, not enough magical memories. We seem to have acquired the strange idea that a good parent is an endlessly available source of entertainment. But I wonder whether children need somet...

The summer your child remembers may not be the one you’re trying to create. Every summer, I think many of us carry two versions of family life in our heads. There’s the one we imagined, full of picnics, adventures and magical memories. And then there’s the one we’re actually living, full of washing, work, hungry children and everybody asking what’s for supper. But what if our children remember som...

The children who seem most settled aren’t usually the ones with the fullest diaries or the most exciting lives. They’re often the children who know they have a place. Who know they matter. This week I’m wondering whether one of the greatest gifts we can give our children isn’t another activity or opportunity, but the chance to discover that someone can rely on them. Thank you for pausing with me....

“Get a pet!” I surprised myself when those words came out of my mouth. But it made sense. This week I’m reflecting on a little boy, a puppy, and the unexpected way that being responsible for another living thing helped him see himself differently. Perhaps children don’t just need us to care for them. Perhaps they need someone to care for too. Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is a pub...

I’ve been wondering whether one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the chance to be useful. Watching two children help without being asked made me realise they weren’t just doing jobs. They were discovering that they mattered, that they had something to contribute. I wonder if that’s one of the hidden ingredients of confidence - not constantly being looked after, but knowing someone...

I’ve been wondering whether we spend so much time asking children what they want that we forget to help them discover something just as important - what they have to offer. This week I’m reflecting on why contributing to family and community isn’t just good for everyone else, it might be one of the things that helps children feel they truly belong. Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is...

Could we be giving our children too much choice? I know that sounds like a strange question. We want our children to have a voice, to know what they like, and to make good decisions. But lately I’ve been wondering whether we’ve confused giving children choices with asking them to carry too many. Sometimes the greatest gift isn’t another option. It’s the relief of knowing the adults have it covered...

What if we’re asking our children the wrong question? I found myself overhearing a family in a café recently. They were warm, patient and clearly devoted to their children. But almost every conversation began with the same question: “What do you want?” It made me wonder whether we’ve turned childhood into a search for preferences, instead of helping children discover what matters to them - and wha...

I know... it sounds like a ridiculous thing to say. But I’ve been wondering whether confidence is really what we’re hoping for, or whether we’ve confused it with something much deeper. This week I’ve been thinking about the quiet children, the thoughtful children, and what real confidence actually looks like. It might not be what we think. Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is a public...

What if our children don’t need confidence? What if they just need to borrow ours? I’ve been thinking about the girls who linger on the threshold of our groups, wanting to come in but not quite ready. They remind me that confidence isn’t always something children have, sometimes it’s something they borrow from the adults who quietly believe they’ll get there in their own time. I’d love you to paus...

What if we’ve been chasing the wrong thing? We all say we want confident children but lately I’ve been wondering whether confidence has become the wrong goal altogether. Watching a little girl halfway up a tree made me stop and think about what children really need from us when they’re unsure. Perhaps confidence isn’t where the story begins. Perhaps it is what grows afterwards. Thank you for pausi...

What if the best thing you could give your child this summer is... boredom? I know that sounds like a strange thing to say. We all reach for screens sometimes - I’ve done it too. But I’ve been wondering what happens when the digital babysitter never goes home. In this Parent Pause, I’m thinking about boredom, creativity and why those empty moments our children complain about might actually be wher...

What if the greatest danger of social media isn’t what our children are seeing, but who they’re becoming? We spend a lot of time worrying about what our children might come across online. I think there’s another loss that’s much harder to spot. In this Parent Pause, I’m reflecting on the childhood many of us remember, why time away from adult eyes mattered more than we realised, and what children...

What if we’re worrying about the wrong thing when it comes to social media? The debate about banning social media for under-16s has become loud and polarised. But I think there’s a much bigger question we should be asking ourselves. In this Parent Pause, I’m reflecting on what childhood is really for, why boredom might be one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, and what I fear screens...

What if we’re so busy helping our children move on that we’re forgetting to help them say goodbye? We spend so much time celebrating firsts, but life’s deepest lessons are often found in the lasts. In this Parent Pause, I’m reflecting on why good endings matter, what one girl in a Girls Journeying Together group taught me about saying goodbye, and why making space for tears might be one of the gre...

Have you ever found yourself missing a stage of your child’s life that you wouldn’t actually want back? I’ve been wondering whether we’ve misunderstood what it means to miss something. We often assume sadness means we want to go backwards. I don’t think it does. In this Parent Pause, I’m reflecting on why joy and grief can exist side by side, what our children’s sadness might really be telling us,...

What if those tears over an old school jumper, a pair of scuffed shoes or the end of another school year aren’t silly at all? I wonder if we’ve become so focused on helping our children look forward that we’ve forgotten how important it is to stop and notice what’s ending. In this Parent Pause, I’m thinking about good endings, why they matter just as much as good beginnings, and how taking a momen...

Adults can become slightly obsessed with readiness at this time of year. Ready for secondary school. Ready for more independence. Ready for change. But children aren’t a conveyor belt. I think we underestimate how much children grieve transitions - even positive ones. They lose classrooms, teachers, rhythms, friendship dynamics, familiarity, identity. Even moving up one school year changes a child...

I think some children are crawling towards the end of term absolutely exhausted by how much “fun” we’re trying to squeeze in. Dress-up day. Sports day. Water fight. Leavers’ assembly. Reward trip. Barbecue. Transition day. Party day. By July, some children aren’t celebrating anymore - they’re surviving. Many children spend the end of term performing happiness while privately feeling overstimulated...

Every July we start rushing children towards the next thing - new schools, new uniforms, new routines - while they’re often still emotionally living inside this school year. A girl said something quietly heartbreaking to me recently:“No one’s asking me if I’m sad.” I think children need help not only preparing for what’s next, but noticing what mattered about what’s ending. The end of term can bec...

The child everyone praises is sometimes the child I’m quietly worried about. You know the one - sensible, helpful, mature for their age and never any trouble. Adults love these children. I know because I used to work with one. She was thoughtful, responsible and always thinking about everyone else. But when I asked her a simple question - “What would you like?” - she couldn’t answer. Not because s...

The children we worry about are often not the ones carrying the heaviest loads. Sometimes it’s the capable child. The one who remembers. The one who helps. The one who never needs reminding. This week I’ve been thinking about a girl whose job was to feed the family dog. Every evening. No rewards, no praise, just a responsibility that taught her something powerful: “I matter here.” Children need op...

What if the most “helpful” child in the family is carrying a burden they were never meant to carry? We often celebrate children who are mature, thoughtful and no trouble at all. But sometimes I wonder what’s sitting underneath that. There’s a big difference between a child helping because they’re growing and a child helping because they’re protecting. One builds confidence. The other asks them to...

What if your child doesn’t need fixing nearly as much as they need delighting in? When our children are struggling, it’s so easy to become focussed on helping them overcome their challenges. More confidence. Better organisation. Greater resilience. We want life to be easier for them. Of course we do. That’s love. But in this Parent Pause, I talk about a girl who had become so used to hearing about...