What The If?

We first shared this one on Super Bowl Sunday 2019 — what better weekend to bring back nature's ultimate underdog? Enjoy this encore presentation! ---- The HAGFISH, little known, little respected... greatly feared... by sharks! Is the hagfish the Spiderman of the Sea? This little slimy fish can spit out a slimy blob that BLOWS UP REAL BIG. What the if... WE could defend ourselves like that? Imagin...

Planetary geologist Kirby Runyon from the Planetary Science Institute needs volunteers to map ancient impact melt flows on the moon from their home computers. What the if this went mainstream? Imagine science bars replacing sports bars, Twitch streams of competitive boulder counting, and reality TV dating shows where the best crater mapper wins. We explore a world where professional citizen scient...

We're taking a break this week while Philip recovers from the 'double-whammy' of flu and COVID boosters. (Science works, but sometimes it makes you nap!) However, we couldn't let January 7th pass unnoticed. On this day in 1610, Galileo first spotted Jupiter's moon, Io. To celebrate, we’ve unlocked the vault for an encore of one of our most popular episodes ever. Strap in for a tour of a lava-cover...

What the if your New Year's resolution became a biological compulsion you literally could not ignore? Imagine waking up on January 1st with the same unstoppable urge that drives salmon to swim upstream, except instead of spawning, you absolutely must get to the gym three times a week. In this world, the darkness of winter triggers something deep in our ancient brain, locking us into whatever commi...

What the if time suddenly started running backwards? Your breakfast un-eats itself, LEGO sets come pre-assembled, and you get younger every day. The dead have unfunerals, your room cleans itself, and teenagers slowly regress through middle school—backwards. Professor Ian Durham of Saint Anselm College stops by to explain the real physics behind time reversal and why photons might start shooting ou...

Listener Anne of Queens got us thinking about flying reindeer for the holidays. Imagine herds of 1,500-pound mammals migrating through your town like Canada geese. Suddenly those goose droppings don't seem so bad. Discover why the classic Santa sleigh makes no aerodynamic sense (eight reindeer in parallel? Your cargo's dragging on the ground) and why the real solution is a reindeer dirigible with...

What the if the Sun suddenly turned green? Your pizza now looks like charcoal because all red things go black. Stop signs become invisible. The sky shifts from cheerful blue to permanent dusk. And plants? They absolutely despise green light—they reflect it because green photons are the M&Ms they pick out of the bowl. So with a green Sun, photosynthesis grinds to a halt, oxygen tanks, and everythin...

Happy Thanksgiving! We're off this week for the holiday, so we're presenting an encore presentation of an episode that was originally broadcast on September 5, 2018, and remains one of our all-time audience favorites. What the if humans evolved into shrikes - those adorable songbirds that impale their prey on thorns and barbed wire? Dr. Kiki Sanford, neurobiologist and host of This Week in Science...

Scientists just discovered ant queens that give birth to two completely different species - not twins, but actual separate species hatching from the same mother. But what the if every animal on Earth reproduced this way? Suddenly every pregnancy becomes a species reveal party, dairy farms need to manage herds where some cows give birth to regular calves while others pop out Ice Age yaks, and your...

This week we're trading hypothetical fungi and exploding planets for something scarier: actual government budgets. But don't worry - watching America accidentally hand the space race to China is just as entertaining as any sci-fi disaster scenario, and way more preventable. Think "For All Mankind" but with spreadsheets instead of heroic astronauts. What happens when NASA's budget gets slashed in h...

What the if mosquitoes were helpless against the sweet smell of their own doom? Scientists genetically engineered Metarhizium fungus to smell so irresistibly delicious that mosquitoes can't help but fly straight into deadly traps with a 90-100% success rate. Discover why these bloodsuckers are actually tiny recycling agents in nature (who knew?), learn why we can't just eliminate them without the...

What the if Frankenstein was real and doctors actually tried stitching corpses together to create new people? Forget dramatic lightning strikes and brooding in Gothic towers - the real adventure is managing the world's most complicated pharmacy order when seventeen different immune systems meet for the first time and immediately start fighting. Join us as we explore why creating a functional monst...

What the if all bodies of water on Earth were fizzy like soda? In the real world, Seneca Lake in New York produces mysterious underwater booms called "Seneca guns" that scientists think come from occasional gas pockets, but nobody knows for sure. But in our imaginary world where every lake constantly fizzes like champagne, Chicago would relocate to the mountains as Lake Michigan burps methane clou...

Honey guide birds in Africa respond to culturally distinct human calls and lead hunters to beehives, where humans crack them open and birds feast on the exposed beeswax. But what the if humans could whistle for any wild animal to help with tasks? Call a deer to haul your Costco groceries home (extra cabbage as payment), summon crows to find your lost earring for peanuts, or live in a Viking villag...

Scientists just used artificial intelligence to design the world's first AI-generated viruses capable of hunting down and killing drug-resistant strains of E. coli. These bacteriophages look like tiny alien pineapples with syringes that stab bacterial cells, and they're just the beginning of AI-created life. From Matt's dream of dish-cleaning bacteria that won't eat you (hopefully) to the accident...

What the if your brain literally ran out of storage space like a laptop refusing to save one more file? Neuroscientist Nikolay Kukushkin explains how memory isn't a filing cabinet but more like water carving rivers down a mountain - and when you carve too many paths, everything becomes a muddy mess. Discover why Mr. S, who remembered everything perfectly, couldn't recognize faces or taste food bec...

What the if gravitational waves were big enough to see and feel? Instead of measuring distortions smaller than a proton, imagine watching your coffee table accordion in and out as ripples from distant black hole collisions pass through your local cafe. Every time Charlie the cat bats a toy mouse in Greenwich Village, sugar cubes scrunch in Williamsburg cafes. Brain surgeons would need to ask all o...

What the if you found a rock on Mars that might - emphasis on might - show signs of ancient life? NASA's Perseverance rover discovered intriguing leopard spots in a 3.5-billion-year-old rock that contain vivianite, a mineral that could potentially indicate biological activity, though scientists remain cautiously skeptical. These dark-outlined splotches bear some resemblance to patterns that microb...

Our guest this week is science fiction author Nicholas Casbarro, who brings us a universe-changing concept from his novel Vitalerium - a radioactive space rock that enables faster-than-light travel. What the if humans discovered this exotic material so powerful that a fist-sized chunk can propel a football field-sized spaceship at 12 times the speed of light? Matt helps us explore the real science...

D'oh! We had technical difficulties this week and so we are presenting this encore presentation of one of our most popular episodes. It also happens to be Kirby's birthday, and we're eager to honor his awesomeness by sharing with you this fabulous episode we did with him on December 16, 2021. Enjoy the ride! --- DR. KIRBY RUNYON is a planetary geomorphologist and morphodynamicist seeking to unders...

What the if the speed of light crawled along at walking speed instead of zipping around at 300,000 kilometers per second? Tracey McCallum from Ontario wondered about this scenario. Imagine reaching for your cat only to grab empty air because she's already somewhere else entirely. Baseball becomes a black-hole-creating death sport when pitchers throw faster than light speed. Concert audiences sing...

Matt & Gaby are on assignment this week, so we present an encore presentation of one of our most popular episodes. This one is super fun and comes from Sept. 16, 2024. We hope you enjoy it. --- What if humans were the latest must-have pet for trendy aliens? This episode explores the hilarious and bizarre scenario of extraterrestrial beings snatching us up like puppies from a shelter. From alien ve...

What the if there was a nuclear reactor on the moon? NASA wants to launch a 100-kilowatt nuclear reactor to the lunar surface before 2030, powerful enough to run about 80 households. From the terrifying "tickling the dragon's tail" experiments at Los Alamos where scientists held uranium chunks apart with just a screwdriver, to the reality that plutonium feels "like holding a rabbit" when you touch...

Anne from Queens, a longtime listener and proud sticker-carrying Patreon supporter, inspired this week's episode by asking: what the if humans couldn't sweat? Discover a world where everyone walks around panting like dogs with their tongues hanging out, cities install massive water pipeline infrastructure for knee-deep living rooms, and portable misters become as essential as smartphones. From the...

What the if we just kept making telescopes bigger and bigger until they're the size of entire planetary orbits? Starting with the new Vera Rubin Observatory's 21-foot camera that immediately spotted 2,000 asteroids, explore a world where astronomers drop telescopes throughout Earth's orbit to create a synthetic lens 200 million miles wide. Discover how gravitational lenses could let you see taxi c...