PsycHacks

Some women in relationships believe that “my money is my money, and his money is my money.” This is a dangerous double standard that goes well beyond financial entitlement. Since money is the abstraction of time spent in labor, and labor is always spent in the application of the body, financial entitlement is effectively laying claim to another's labor – and the body that produced it. This is a fo...

The lies that hurt the most are the lies you wanted to believe. Most of us want desperately to realize our ego ideals: the version of ourselves we would most like to feel that we are. However, this is precisely where we are most vulnerable. You can reclaim your emotional equilibrium by facing the truth about yourself. This is why you believed the lie and why it hurts so much. Join my community: ht...

If you want your mind to be a peaceful garden, then you must cultivate the willingness to destroy whatever threatens it. Freedom and self-mastery are won through disciplined aggression against destructive thoughts and internal programming. No one will free you: you must fight for your own liberation. Embrace the fact that you are a killer, and dominate your mind. Join my community: https://the-cap...

Many people today lament the end of the world. And while we are entering into a period of rapid change, the real cause isn't political or ideological. We're in this situation because no one is turning down the genie: our magical technologies that effortlessly fulfill desire. It's not in our nature to turn down easy gratification – and expecting others to do so is unrealistic. This is why the world...

Modern dating has turned women into idols – and men into worshipers making endless sacrifices. Pedestalization, gift giving, and “high effort” dating all mirror the ancient practice of religious rituals in which value is sacrificed in the hopes of securing a divine blessing. The advent of the female idol has led to the corruption of dating – and we are all worse off for it. Join my community: http...

We collectively have a strange attitude toward love and justice. We desire – even expect – others to approach divinity in their capacity to love, but we reject the fundamental basis of their capacity to judge. This has led to the systematic destabilization of society, which seeks to prioritize love – and its exemptions for the individual – over justice – with its universal mandate. All societies m...

The modern nuclear family is a private-sector surrogacy. The necessity of dual incomes has not only radically altered the sexual marketplace, but it has subverted domestic life into an unsustainable absurdity, as well. Given the addition effort and expense associated with maintaining this arrangement, we are justified in asking: “what's the point?” The reality of modern family is now very differen...

The question “what do you want to have for dinner?” isn't about dinner at all – it's a covert test of value, attention, and emotional investment. In this episode, I discuss how men and women use the same conversations to gather very different kinds of information. This is why so often there are no straight answers from women: some of the information they seek cannot be collected through direct que...

Contrary to popular belief, women are not made of sugar and spice. Their sexual fantasies are far more devious and socially unacceptable than most people realize. By examining women's prototypical romantic fantasy, we can approach an understanding of their dark desires – an analysis corroborated by many examples hidden in plain sight. Women are dirty: make of it what you will. Join my community: h...

You are the monster you a running from in your nightmares. How could it be otherwise? Shadow work is the process of owning your darkness and integrating it into your conscious personality. The impulses and desires we disavow tend to become the evils we project into the world. You can either become a monster – or be hunted by the monsters of your own making. Join my community: https://the-captains-...

For the last few decades, both men and women have been trying to talk the opposite sex into staying at home with the kids. However, if this were as wonderful as both sides make it out to be, then each would be clamoring to do so themselves. The fact is that no one wants to do it, because staying at home is associated with certain challenges that many adults are ill-prepared to meet. It's time we m...

The results are in: women are more dissatisfied in their relationships than men are. However, before we interpret this as yet another signal that men need to “do better,” we need to ask ourselves: are women more satisfied out of their relationships? In reality, there is a host of evidence to suggest that women exhibit lower satisfaction than men in a variety of contexts – suggesting that their rel...

The most reinforcing good you can give to a man is sex, and the most reinforcing good you can give to a woman is attention. This asymmetry is responsible for the power imbalances in many exclusive relationships, in which women typically eliminate their competition, but retain their optionality. Fairness and equality aren't the same thing – and what's good for the goose isn't always what's good for...

In the wake of the death of the lady, we see the rise of modern women. Today's women are attempting to secure the benefits associated with both of their roles in the historical sexual marketplace without any of the liabilities – and this is creating a host of intersexual misunderstandings. The truth is that you can't have it both ways – irrespective of whether you're a man or a woman. However, for...

Modern women ask “where are all the real men?” However, to answer this question, we need to look through the lens of the traditional sexual marketplace and the historical divide between “ladies” and “prostitutes.” Learn how these roles shaped male behavior, female strategy, and the rise (and fall) of chivalry. The death of the lady has ushered in the contemporary sexual marketplace. First in a two...

Is it really cringe for women to have boyfriends now? In today's episode, I respond to Vogue's viral article (“Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?”) and explain why the trend against relationships isn't quite as empowered as it seems. Learn how social validation, political ideology, and intrasexual competition shape what women are told to value. The truth is single is not a flex. Join my commu...

Telling men to “get better” is vague, moralistic, and (typically) rooted in frameworks that prioritize women's needs and desires. However, men can – and should – get better. In today's episode, I argue that men get better by becoming stronger, richer, and more attractive – as these things might be the closest we get to inherent goods. Ignore the voices pushing weakness and decline. Invest in yours...

Some men complain to me about their women: “she takes and takes.” However, the real problem in the relationship is that he gives and gives. This is why he feels used. In this episode, I discuss how poor boundaries, emotional discomfort, and scarcity mentality all conspire to make men complicit in their own relational resentment. Cultivate abundance – and the optionality it passively generates – an...

The ring test is one that I would encourage every man seriously considering marriage to conduct, as it will expose a woman's true motivations for wedlock – and your own latent romanticism. Marriage is not about love. Marriage is a business contract that is primarily concerned with the ownership and distribution of resources. Before you propose, ask the only questions that really matter: “Can I aff...

Finding yourself is not something that people do, once and for all. This is because we are always in the process of becoming who we are. At these moments of reflection, it's important to know how to find yourself. The key is understanding what you really want and developing the capacity to understand the feedback provided by your emotions when they come into contact with experience. If you fill yo...

Many men obsess over a woman’s “body count.” But the truth is that men will never learn the truth – and what they do learn won't reassure them. In this episode, I discuss why digging into a woman's sexual history is generally not a good idea, and why body count is an imperfect proxy for purity, loyalty, and long-term compatibility. It's time that men move beyond the number. Join my community: http...

Many men believe that a woman's love will fill the emptiness inside of them – but it can't. This is the love trap. The bitter truth is that you can't feel another person's love. You can only feel your own love coming out of you. Consequently, it's a good idea for men to heal this emptiness on their own – through purpose, faith, and action. She can't fix you. Join my community: https://the-captains...

In today's episode, I discuss the fundamental truths with respect to how relationships are created and maintained. It all centers on value. It is neither the good nor the loving nor the virtuous who are desired for relationships, but the people from whom others want things. This is how relationships work. Ignore these principles at your own risk. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn...

While you can occasionally trick others, the truth is that you can't cheat yourself. This is why all real growth arises out of discipline and self-love. When people want something more than they want the process of obtaining it, they will be tempted to fraud. However, you can resist this temptation by understanding self love as sacrifice in the service of your goals. Join my community: https://the...

Modern culture tells men to “man up” – but not for their own sakes. In today's episode, I expose how society defines masculinity for the benefit of women, and why this does men a disservice. The dominant culture does not want strong, prosperous, masculine men – but it's time for men to reclaim their self-definition. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of...