PsycHacks

In this episode, I respond to the most common critique of my conceptualization of frame as something that cannot be shared, namely: whether it's not possible for two people to create a mutually-constructed, egalitarian frame. Like socialism, this notion is associated with lofty ideals and noble sentiments, and -- like socialism -- it doesn't work like this in practice. I provide three reasons why...

Since only attempts at reason can be rational or irrational, and since emotions make no claims to reason, then emotions can neither be rational nor irrational. Their experience is always valid, but they are not always justified. This is because the thinking on which the emotion is based might be irrational or misaligned with reality. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to evaluate our own thin...

Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselv...

The symptom pool is probably the single most important concept with respect to understanding mental illness. In short, the symptom pool is a culturally-bound collection of behavioral signals that can be used to communicate various degrees of distress. These signals are unconsciously added to the pool at the population level, and they are unconsciously manifested from the pool at the individual lev...

When people first meet you, they look to you to teach them about how they should feel about you. This is because, it's actually fairly difficult for most people to make up their own minds: so they're going to need your help. This is your opportunity! The key to getting people to feel positively about you is to imagine that you are world's greatest vacuum cleaner salesman. I'll explain what that me...

Like many of you, I have a morning ritual that includes prayer and meditation. For many years, part of that ritual has been praying that "all beings be free of suffering" -- which is a traditional Buddhist loving-kindness mantra. However, over the course of this practice, I realized that my conceptualization of suffering -- and prayer and God -- was superficial and immature. To liberate people fro...

This phrase -- "I have plenty of time" -- is one I've heard from many, many women throughout my dating history. However, is that really true? In today's episode, I discuss some of the uncomfortable facts about female fertility, especially as they pertain to men's sexual selection priorities. In today's world, women can be anything -- but they can't be everything. Because no one can. Fertility fact...

In the course of my work, I'm occasionally asked why I do what I do. It's a complicated question, but -- by way of an answer -- I'd like to offer an anecdote from my life. On a Saturday night many years ago, I ended up directing traffic at a chaotic intersection in New York City. The moral of the story is that the world doesn't need more people getting irate or walking past the problem. The peanut...

One day, I hope to be able to love like the Sun. In this episode, I discuss what that means by examining the exultant humility of the star in the center of our solar system. The Sun is one of our best models of the generosity, abundance, and indifference that constitute the most elevated forms of love, and its teachings are freely available to us all. If you're ready to up your game, and move beyo...

There is a paradox that lies at the heart of impostor syndrome. On the one hand, people feel that they are incompetent in their role and that it is only a matter of time before their more competent colleagues catch on. And on the other hand, people also believe that they are competent enough to hide their incompetence from people more competent than they are. This duality is almost humorously non-...

In the course of my work, I'm occasionally asked how it is that I came to know what I know. I usually answer that, to the extent that I am wise, I became wise through pain and insight. Pain in the gift that nobody wants -- but if you learn to listen to pain, it will teach you some of life's profoundest lessons. In this episode, I discuss some of the obstacles that prevent people from taking advant...

As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=10...

If it's true that women mate and date for gain (i.e., they get out more than they put in), then it must be true that men mate and date for acceptable loss (i.e., they put in more than they get out). It would not be possible for women to date for gain if they put in more than they got out, and such a relationship would likely prove unsustainable. However, it's important for men to understand that t...

Many promising ventures start as little more than a vision. With little more to offer, these businesses woo partners and investors with equity: the promise of a share in the future earnings of the company. It's a risk: many businesses fail. However, if they wait for the business to succeed, these folks might also be priced out of the market. The same is true of dating. Only founders get equity. Ev...

For perhaps the first time in a very long time, we have arrived at the point where men and women don't need each other anymore. For society to function, women need lots of men around, but a given woman doesn't need her own man. For civilization to continue, men need lots of women around, but a given man doesn't need his own woman. In this episode, I discuss some of the consequences of replacing ne...

The biological clock, generally understood as a felt sense of urgency arising from a woman's physiology as she nears the end of her reproductive window, can't exist as such. If this urge were biological, we would expect it to occur when a woman is most likely to conceive and carry a viable pregnancy (i.e., when she is young and fertile). The historical record would also likely look very different....

Given what we understand about female mating and dating behavior, it's possible to play the chess out twenty moves and consider the various endgames that women will face in the sexual marketplace. There are actually not very many. In this episode, I discuss the five ways it can end for any given woman, and provide rough probability estimates for each scenario. Social Media Facebook: https://facebo...

Given what we understand about female mating and dating behavior, it's possible to play the chess out twenty moves and consider the various endgames that women will face in the sexual marketplace. There are actually not very many. In this episode, I discuss the five ways it can end for any given woman, and provide rough probability estimates for each scenario. Social Media Facebook: https://facebo...

The general consensus is that relationships tend to fail when one person in the couple begins to struggle. Maybe they stop putting effort into the courtship; maybe they stop putting effort into their own growth and well-being; maybe they become addicted or comfortably numb. And while this can certainly happen, this isn't what I typically see in my practice. In today's episode, I discuss the most d...

Follow Alex on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@alexleonlife/ Follow Alex on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexovertheocean/ I was excited to be able to sit down with Alex Leon recently. I've personally followed Alex -- and the other coaches  @TheNaturalLifestyles  -- for years. They give men solid, actionable advice on pick-up and seduction without the sleaze. In this long-form discussion...

New relationships are often delicate things: missteps committed at this stage of the courtship process aren't as easily forgiven. In this episode, I'll discuss the most common way that men unintentionally bring promising relationships to a premature conclusion, and how to prevent this happening to you. The key is to understand that uncertainty and insecurity are your allies during the rapprochemen...

It's much harder to make friends as an adult, especially for men. For better or worse, most men in middle age devote half their waking life to work, and the other half to their wife and children. It's not that they don't value friendship; it's that society incentivizes and rewards men for prioritizing other things over these relationships. In today's episode, I discuss a nearly sure-fire way to ma...

Though it may sound ludicrous at first blush, most men in the western world are romantics. To understand why this is the case, we need to clarify the core belief of romanticism that dwells in the heart of hearts of most men, namely: "I can be loved for who I am." For better or worse, this is not the basis of an adult relationship with women. Men need to provide value to secure mating and dating op...

I often work with highly successful men. These people have achieved everything society tells them they should want, but they often still feel unfulfilled. This is because achievement and fulfillment aren't really the same thing. In today's episode, I discuss a method for creating more meaning in your life by asking yourself a counterintuitive question: "what would I (still) do, if I knew I couldn'...

The internet is full of information regarding the red flags of dating. Since this knowledge is widely available, why do men still end up in relationships with toxic women? The uncomfortable truth is that -- for a lot men -- it's not so much that they act in spite of the red flags, but that they act because of them. Secure, emotionally-stable, high-functioning men do not tend to end up with train w...