Intelligent Masculinity

“I would add another aspect of intelligent masculinity — spending time knowing yourself. There's a great saying in Islam, and it's in most traditional traditions: know yourself and you'll know your creator. And this includes knowing the bad parts of yourself, the weak parts of yourself, the messy parts of yourself. That requires radical honesty with yourself. Where am I good? What am I bad at? Wha...

"She got really upset with me. She was like, you're talking down to me in front of my boyfriend. And she was absolutely right. And I just gave her a full-throated apology — to her face, then again later in a text message. I made sure not to defend myself in any way. None of that. Apologize fully without defending yourself. Do it in such a way that it is definitely sincere and you will build every...

“It really goes back to watching men perform badly throughout my life — men who have been my father figures more or less, who in various ways succeeded, but in various ways failed to step up to the moments and been absent when they shouldn’t have been. And I just never wanted my stepson or my biological son to ever feel like they were alone and didn’t have somebody there to support them and to be...

“In order to be good, you have to do good, and [this] definition of evil is more like Edmund Burke. It’s the ability to do good and [then] not doing it. So evil doesn’t have to be a specific act. It just has to be the ability to make a better decision and choosing not to.” ~ Joe Plenzler ~ Masculinity In Review In this 18th interview of Intelligent Masculinity , Joe Plenzler — Marine Corp combat v...

“Ego wants to win arguments. Discipline wants to build something that lasts. The problem with ego-driven masculinity is that it’s loud but fragile. Discipline is quiet, but it compounds. It shows up every day. It doesn’t need applause. And it doesn’t collapse when someone disagrees with you.” ~ Nick Paro ~ Masculinity In Review I have had the distinct pleasure of working with them for the majority...

“A lot of people think masculinity is about these big moments — but it’s really about the small ones. It’s whether you keep your word. Whether you stay consistent. Whether you choose discipline when no one would notice if you didn’t. That’s what builds trust. That’s what builds character.” ~ Will Fullwood ~ Masculinity In Review In this 16th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits dow...

“Growing up with an abusive father gave me a very clear example of what masculinity can become when it’s rooted in control and fear. I watched how anger was used as power. And I made a conscious decision that if I was going to live as a man, I was not going to live like that. I wasn’t going to repeat it. I had to build something different — something steadier, something safer.”~ Jack ~ Masculinity...

“There’s no such thing as serving God without first serving humanity… If your religiosity doesn’t translate into dignity and care for your neighbor, then it’s just ego. There are no asterisks on humanity." ~ Qasim Rashid, Esq. ~ Masculinity In Review In this 14th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, I sit down with Qasim Rashid, Esq. for something completely different, yet entirely on theme. Wher...

“If I got pissed off every time something like that happened, I’d just run my own blood pressure up. Writing about it lets me examine it. Sometimes I realize I was wrong. Sometimes I realize I reacted better than I would have years ago. But I try to be honest with myself — because if you’re not honest with yourself, you’re not growing.” ~ Marlon Weems ~ Masculinity In Review In this 13th interview...

“When you die, there’s a birth year, a death year, and the dash in between. How did you define the dash? Did you maximize your time to help other people? Because you can slap your name on a building, but buildings fall. What lasts is how you conducted yourself and who you lifted while you were here.” ~ Bobby Jones ~ Masculinity In Review In this 12th interview of Intelligent Masculinity , Nick Par...

“Intelligent masculinity is really nothing more than common sense. You want respect? You have to give it. You can’t say toxic masculinity means all masculinity is toxic—that’s not what it means. It means stripping away the parts that harm people. You can be strong, protective, rational, and compassionate at the same time.” ~ Arturo Dominguez ~ Masculinity In Review In this 11th interview of Intell...

“I’m a big guy. I take up space whether I want to or not. Intelligent masculinity means understanding what that looks like to other people and moving through the world with that in mind. I don’t get to pretend I’m not threatening just because I don’t mean to be. With the power I have comes the responsibility not to abuse it—especially in a world already designed to cater to my ego.” ~ The Opiniona...

Intelligent Masculinity isn’t proven by how a man talks about his values. It’s proven by whether a man can live with the consequences of them—especially when it’s inconvenient, unglamorous, and unobserved. That’s really what discipline boils down to: it’s not self punishment, not strict rigidity, not dominance over the self or others—rather, it’s the repeated act of choosing your values over your...

“For a long time, I thought putting myself first was selfish. Becoming a father taught me that taking care of yourself is not selfish when other people depend on you. I can do more good now, with less risk to myself and my family, because I finally accepted that survival is part of responsibility.” ~ Kristofer Goldsmith ~ Masculinity In Review In this 9th interview of the Intelligent Masculinity s...

“There is a massive void in how men are being spoken to, and it’s being filled by people who are feeding young men a lie—that being a man means being rich, jacked, dominant, and cruel. If you have a platform and you don’t try to counter that, you’re letting it happen. We don’t need one group to succeed—we need hundreds, thousands of men showing a different version of masculinity, one rooted in kin...

“The strongest men I know aren’t loud, reactive, or constantly proving something. They’re calm. And that calm creates safety. People watch what you tolerate, how you handle pressure, how you respond when you’re tired or frustrated. That’s the real mentorship. Masculinity that lasts isn’t built in moments of intensity—it’s built in repetition, consistency, and the willingness to be accountable even...

One of the most reliable ways fragile masculinity avoids accountability is by refusing to be given a definition. When masculinity is left vague — purposely reduced to feelings, instincts, dominance, or traditions — it becomes impossible to challenge. Harm hides inside these vague abstractions while men are allowed to mindlessly gesticulate toward strength without ever naming what that strength act...

“Challenge yourself to do better and be more” ~ Evan Fields Masculinity In Review In this sixth discussion of Intelligent Masculinity , Evan Fields and I examine masculinity as more than a private identity, it is a civic obligation. Building on earlier conversations about ego, discipline, authenticity, accountability, and patience — this discussion reframes masculinity as the willingness to partic...

One of the most durable, yet destructive, myths in modern masculinity is the idea of the ruggedly individual, self-made man—the belief that a man’s character is forged alone , that his strength emerges when he is in self-imposed isolation , and that his masculinity and dominance is something he is due rather than something he must first inherit , then constantly work at. This myth of being owed so...

Masculinity in Review “Power without restraint is destruction.” ~ Dr. Eric Lullove In this fifth interview of Intelligent Masculinity , I ( Nick Paro ) and Dr. Eric Lullove explore masculinity from a slightly different angle than before — as patience in action . Through reflections on Eric’s own experiences with fatherhood, medicine, loss, partnership, and self-regulation, we reframe strength as r...

Masculinity in Review You can be loved even as a flawed person. ~ Walter Rhein In this 4th interview for the Intelligent Masculinity series, I ( Nick Paro ) and Walter Rhein dive into a raw conversation about abuse, accountability, fatherhood, and the moral courage required to break generational trauma cycles. Through Walter’s personal storytelling and our reflective analysis, we further clarify t...

Masculinity in Review In this third discussion of Intelligent Masculinity , I ( Nick Paro ) sit down with my friend Lawrence Winnerman for a deeply reflective conversation about authenticity, fear, self-doubt, and moral courage. I build on the two previous discussions to dismantle the old, ego-based, fragile masculinity while replacing it with intentional daily discipline and integrity. Using this...

Masculinity in Review This second discussion of Intelligent Masculinity we move inward. In a grounded, reflective conversation, I ( Nick Paro ) and Sharad Swaney dive into intentionally intelligent masculinity as an active discipline built on self-regulation, integrity, and internal alignment. Where my first discussion — Intelligent Masculinity with Shane Yirak — focuses on external violence and a...

Masculinity in Review In this first conversation of Intelligent Masculinity — I ( Nick Paro ) welcome on guest and friend, Shane Yirak , as we set a necessary contrast between true masculinity and performative domination . Our conversation is rooted in current violence, moral accountability, and lived experience — we define masculinity not as power over others — but as responsibility, growth, emot...