Healing the Unresolved

There are few things more unnatural then having an abusive parent. It is a profound breakdown in so many ways. Children and adult children are left feeling confused, guilty, and yearning and looking for that normal parent relationship. Furthermore, we may be confused by the commandment to honor our mother and father. What does that look like when the parent is abusive? God does not want us to be a...

Today’s podcast addresses an issue that many people struggle with. As a result of traumatic or painful experiences, we often have unrealistic expectations for the rest of our lives. This can make it difficult for us to navigate and handle normal life disappointments, heartaches, changes, and losses. However, we have to reframe what these are to us; they are not the past happening again, and they a...

Many of us may think that we have accepted that certain aspects of our relationships with our parents went unfulfilled. However, without realizing it, we may have a lifelong pattern of putting potential parent figures on a pedestal and seeking from others what we did not get in our parental relationships. This inevitably leads to profound moments of disillusionment and disappointment. We will need...

When reading the church fathers, many often get confused about the concept of utilizing blaming ourselves, rather than seeing the wrong in the other person. It is important to be reminded that the church fathers often gave different spiritual prescriptions to different people, depending on where they were at in their spiritual life, their motives, and their life history. What is spiritual help to...

Today’s episode seeks to answer a question from a mother who suffered a stillbirth. It is difficult to have “why” questions when we cannot sit and dialogue back and forth directly with God. Knowing when to call off the search for the answer to a “why” question is difficult. Also, knowing what’s behind the why question (fears and assurances needed) is very critical. Inevitably, some of us are calle...

Today’s podcast focuses on a question submitted by someone living the monastic life. It is common and normal when past pain from traumatic or profoundly painful experiences has an effect on our prayer life. We might feel that we have lost something, or that somehow spiritually we are going in the wrong direction, regressing, or even failing. It is very important to reframe these experiences, and t...

Finding out that our spouse has been unfaithful is devastating. However, many couples come through on the other side even stronger than they were before. Today’s episode focuses on a question that was submitted by an individual who has done all the work, and come through on the other side, but yet still has frustrating moments where they are hurled back into the past. Using the trauma treatment mo...

Today’s podcast discusses something that most of humanity is ignoring. It is the subtle effects of the pandemic. It is precisely during the quiet aftermath of an intense experience that we tend to feel the effects. Telling ourselves a story and believing we can just sweep it under the proverbial rug, is not going to help us navigate the quiet aftermath; nor to regain much of what we had before tho...

The healing work is part of our spiritual life and very much an ascetical activity. Today’s podcast offers a prayer that any individual can use in their own healing work as well as a practical activity. Both the prayer and the activity will help increase the synergy between us and God in healing the unresolved. "Lord, please heal my soul and help me to do my part in the healing work. Give me your...

We all struggle with interactions, the behavior of ourselves and others, events, and life changes. However, all of these things are often worsened when we believe they mean some thing about us that they do not. Some examples of these beliefs are "I wasn't good enough," "I failed," and/or "I am weak or powerless." This particular phenomenon often occurs on an unconscious level and causes much disru...

Today’s discussion is about over-control. It is a relating and behavior pattern that is almost universally a product of traumatic and painful experiences. It is born from avoiding, at all costs, ever experiencing anything like what we did in the past. However, when we do this, we find no rest, no peace, and miss all of the beautiful things in our lives. It causes us to see threats where there are...

Many are worried about asserting themselves, setting boundaries, and speaking up for themselves. Such behaviors are perceived by some as being prideful and not what God wants. In this episode the value and need for dignity is discussed and how it must be preserved and protected.

Anxiety is often perceived very negatively. This negative perception of anxiety often aggravates it and makes us feel even more of it. Our Anxiety is simply trying to alert us to the perception of danger. However, in the end, it will listen to us, and is very flexible in the face of new perceptions.

Father Alexander Schmemann often talked and wrote about the benefits of our faith based worldview, which we receive upon baptism. Our faith-based worldview is to help us navigate our life in this world; to help us make sense of experiences, answer life’s questions, and navigate life stages. However, unresolved past experiences have the ability to block our faith-based worldview, as it causes us to...

Some strained sibling relationships may indeed just be due to difficult personalities or differences in beliefs. However, very often the real cause is hidden hurts and resentments related to the family of origin. These hurts may be related to roles played, differences in perceptions of treatment, and overall lack of closure. When past pain surfaces in sibling relationships it often masks itself by...

In this episode, the answer is discussed as to why we tend to feel more comfortable and able to express anger and happiness, but not other emotions. It is the emotional space between anger and happiness that holds our anxiety, fear, grief, sadness, and loss. Our society has deemed these areas to be forbidden territory. However, for those doing the healing work and seeking spiritual growth, it is t...

Very often, when doing the healing work, we forget that even though we have had negative and uncomfortable emotions tied to past painful experiences, we are still going to have normal negative feelings related to every day life stressors and changes. Without realizing it, we can associate negative emotion only with the past. And then when negative emotions do occur from the present, we feel like s...

This podcast centers around the question as to whether there are any movies that can be helpful in the healing process. Typically movies that resonate are helpful for us. This is because when we witness our pain or lack of closure in someone else’s story, it’s not as threatening, and so is able to get past our defenses and bring out emotion that previously had been held back. These moments can hel...

Today’s discussion involves a question in which the submitter of the question had a series of painful parish experiences that led to them feeling abandoned. It is always a difficult decision to decide whether to stay or move onto a different parish community. However, before we decide, we can explore and answer certain questions that will ensure we make a good decision and that will enhance our sp...

This podcast episode answers two submitted questions, both involving forgiveness on some level. Whether it’s that we have to forgive ourselves, or making sure we truly have forgiven the other, God wants us to let go of our past weaknesses and focus on the present. He also wants our forgiveness to be real, and not just a result of denying reality and protecting ourselves from painful emotions.

An anniversary reaction or effect is very common and affects most people at one time or another, and some are affected throughout their lives. The anniversary of a loss or painful event can be a challenging experience for many. Knowing what they are, being prepared for them, leaning into them, and using them to our advantage, can help make them tolerable, and even put them to rest.

This episode discusses healthy ways to share our painful or traumatic experiences. It is also covers the importance of safety and how to rediscover safety in a health way after losing it in the aftermath of a painful or traumatic experience. Finally, the issue of trauma bonding is discussed. This occurs when we see the abuser as innocent or in an elevated way, while not giving ourselves the valida...

This episode discusses how our healing work and our painful experiences are not separate or outside of our relationship with God and our faith, but rather an integral part of it. These experiences, which have been such a source of shame, can actually aid and accelerate our spiritual growth. There is also discussion on keeping shame out of the sacrament of Confession, as well as what to look for in...

This podcast episode discusses a helpful exercise to do when grief over our own experiences seems stuck, also rooting out shame by it’s source, and reviewing a paradigm of different approaches that fits well with our faith and that should cover all the healing work.