Zero Credit(s)

In their latest bid to obtain magic genie powers, Henry (Dave Schehazared) and John (Florence Grimble) cook up a harebrained new holiday: Monkey Japes. Join them as they tell a series of meaningless lies all in the name of sweet exotic magic. Move over Justin Arbor Day and Mr. Boston Cream Pie Day, these fellas are shakin’ it up. Much like John is shakin’ up his career with supplementa...

Woah howdy there, ya’ll, it’s time for the Zero Credit(s) Round Up! All the Gang’s here. Henry. John. The Sexy Executive Officer. We’ve got them all and they’ve got some grand ole fun for you, Dear Listener. It all starts when John explains that life is all just one big drinking game where you have to wager whether your card is black or red. Yep, that’s all life...

Zero Credit(s) VR Experience Patch Notes 05/05/2017 – Fixed issue with horses – Nobility has been reduced – Added full simulation of cold medicine – Improved writing of Christopher Nolan – No longer possible to wiggle and fall through the earth – Dreams may be closer than they appear – Removed final rogue podcast – Removed Marc Maron from simulation...

It’s been a while since the last Supplemental Reading. 20 years, in fact. We’ve grown old. Our healing factors don’t work quite as well and the claws still hurt every time they come out. Come listen to John and Henry discuss the movie that’s so good, it hurts to watch. Every second is filled with pain. The movie’s pretty pain filled too. Be warned as there’s no...

The drums beat out a crisp beat, urging their soldiers forward. Bom, bom bom bom. The microscopic soldiers have marched for two weeks without rest, laying siege to John’s immune system. They’ve sieged the nose, razed the throat, and left the stomach a burned husk, and yet they drive on. How much longer could this war go on, they wonder. Their wives are lonely. Their children are hungry...

John has a fatal secret in this episode that he doesn’t reveal until it’s too late. Seriously, we discuss robot cookbooks fueled by neural network learning, including Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake and Chocolate Chips with Chocolate Chips, and the entire time John is harboring a secret that could threaten the very existence of the podcast. We even change topics to The Leg...

Listeners, it’s been a heck of a week and to top it all off, I (Henry) have to go into work today, which is Saturday. I work hard during the week. I like to think I earn my weekend. I put in 40+ hours, but that’s not enough. No. Here’s more hours during my weekend. So this episode is late. That’s all I want to say. We talk about stuff. Here’s an episode. Let’s d...

Greetings listener, to this weary episode of Zero Credit(s)! Henry and John crawl out of their respective corporate holes to deliver a bold prediction: capitalism will persist for six more weeks. That doesn’t stop John from getting uncharacteristically fired-up about Lucha Libre, though, as he schools Henry on the finer points of the seedy action of Lucha Underground. Ever wondered how high...

Welcome back, listeners, to Season Two. This time around, we’ve got loads of things to talk about, from Furby bug reports to representing women in film in this brash new string of 80’s and 90’s revived franchises. Should women always be represented as the tough warriors we see them as in films constantly? Maybe. Or should films follow the more general guideline of let ________ be...

“The World’s Greatest Podcast 2017” Season 2 is live, listeners. Henry and John have cleaned the old Zero Credit(s) Lodge up a little bit, but they smashed most of the lights and threw out some precious segments. A darker, more streamlined abode awaits you beyond the threshold. Should you choose to enter, you would be delighted by the semi-informed critiques of the American healthcare system...

It’s time, Dear listeners. Time for season one of your favorite, time-honored podcast to come to a rapid and satisfying(?) close. All the plot lines come rushing in to a gooey, cupcake-filled singularity in a way that will both thrill, shock, and discomfort you. In traditional TV-style, we’re not pulling any of our punches for this, the last episode of the current season. Someone will...

> enter zero credits You haul your worryworn carcass across the threshold of another Zero Credit(s) episode. To the EAST there is a hairdresser, starved for conversation. To the NORTH there is happiness. To the WEST there is a Literary Canon. What do you do? > w The Literary Canon is stuffed with misplaced aggression toward Walden. To the EAST there is an episode of Zero Credit(s). > fire literary...

It’s all sports this week, folks, so buckle on those pads and strap in that chin protector part of the helmet, cause things are about to get real foot-ball tough. In a spectacular copyright dodging special, Henry and John discuss all the basics of foot-ball, including the rules and regulations that give John the ole Blue 42 run-around. OMAHA. We then dive into the high thrilling halftime bef...

Voip voip! It’s another Internet Transmission Day from Zero Credit(s)! We’ve got it all* on this week’s episode! Give it a listen! *The word “all” in this context is exclusive only to things related and applying to: misuse of the word “anagram,” nested acronym pedantry, Dungeons and Dragons creative writing, authorship and the authorship of podcast hosts, meaningless careers filled with yearning f...

Through the old rusted pipes of Skype come we, dear Listeners, in this episode of our time-honored podcast. Henry and John are charged up and drop some politically charged knowledge about the state of our nation, the people in charge of it, and how not tolerating “alternative facts” is the new Uncle Sam. They then rewrite the Spiderman theme to better reflect the eight-eyed supervillia...

Join Henry and John as they venture into The Cyber, having left their physical forms behind. In this new digital age, old standards of discourse are a relic of times gone by, leaving The Cyber Boys to blast open the flood gates of Internet Babies, Regular Babies, and the monetization of babies. In what might be the most unwittingly ironic event of 2017 (thus far), John openly discusses his desire...

Here’s Jamie The Less Than Zeroes continue with special guest and Henry’s girlfriend, Jamie. Come listen all that gushy couple stuff that you can’t stand to see in public. It’s Jamie’s podcast debut and she can barely contain her excitement. Find out what happened to the box, what Jamie wants to do with the Sharp TV, and more shocking mysteries. We’ve got a tiny...

Grand Moff Talkin’ Listeners, John and Henry cannot be together this week, both physically and emotionally and as such, this is the first Less Than Zero episode, a spin-off of Zero Credit(s) featuring the people you love to listen to, but in a different capacity. For instance, John got friend of the show and special guest Natalie to talk about Rogue One with this week in an attempt to fill t...

Listeners, we’ve got some sad news in this, our last full episode of 2016. Consequences of our actions finally come to pasture as Henry is forced out of town in accordance to the ancient laws of Best/Worst competitions. But first, one last blast of capital G, capital C Good Content. John is manic as he has consumed some of the Devil’s Bean and it’s up to our Hero Henry to reign h...

Here we go round the prickly pear Prickly pear prickly pear Here we go round the prickly pear At five o’clock in the morning The time has come for The Best. The time has come for The Worst. Together your hosts purge the year 2016 from the collective consciousness in the ancient tradition, the unending tradition. One survives, the other is left to die in obscurity. So much has been forgotten...

Hey listeners, Henry and John set out this week to have a bad episode and boy do they just have all the egg on their faces. But first, John explains the concept of Bigger Luke in great detail and thoroughness to the point that it both confuses and enrages Henry. We then take a trip down the memory lane to the video store and reflect on what it means to have too many options, not that we’d ev...

John and Henry are back again and excited about a big budget Hollywood movie? Say it ain’t so! It is so. This is how it is. The boys dig deep on this one, folks: the directorial trajectory of David Yates, the father of modern anime wizard magic; the stellar performances supplied by Edwood Redward, Karen ???, Colin Farrell, and Jaaaacobbb? Kowalski; the troubled existence of Big Horny Rhino Monster...

Hey there dedicated fans! It’s Thanksgiving in the Zero Credit(s) household, or well, really it’s not. Thanksgiving is for families and we’re more of a loosely constructed conglomerate of coolness, so we’re wishing you one hip Coolsgiving instead. Let’s all give Cool Thanks to the things we enjoy most, that also happen to be cool. (Description writer here, I forgot th...

The moratorium on political discussion in the Zero Credit(s) offices remains lifted just long enough for a post-mortem to the 2016 presidential election to slink in. Freed from their obligation to remain timely or relevant, the boys discuss Satanism (or symbols which may imply Satanism) for a time. Then, Henry squanders his one chance at time travel to resurrect a long dead segment just for a chan...

This episode begins with a tale of two intros, as we can’t claim to predict the future. We then dive into the horrible world of politics, maybe for the last time, as big things shake up our questionable nation. Let it be known, we do show bias here, some for comedy and some for real. We never claimed to be journalists. We then dive into a new segment known as Mystical Magical Bullshit, where...