You're Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

Directly after burning man, I found myself visiting my friend Princess Donna at the San Francisco Armory which is the gigantic mega massive terrifying Moorish Castle built in 1912 to hold arms for the U.S. National Guard. This Castle was turned into the home for the world's largest Kink and fetish website Kink.com (mostly extreme bondage and non consent fantasies) in 2006 and now serves the world...

What can I even say, he is my hero. A brilliant, soft spoken, lightening rod who used his comedic genius to stand up to his government and military and effect real actual change. A man whose beliefs lead him to be exiled from his home, and forced to uproot his life and family to the US. He is perfectly set up to be a uniting force and a white light of knowledge in the US during these incredibly sc...

I spent last weekend on the Summit at Sea boat party and this is one of the many amazing people I met there. I will preface it by saying the quality of my voice is akin to a 432 pound women named Bertha who works at 1-900-sex hotline. I hadn't slept much and had been yelling and singing alot, so as always, i'll promise to do better next time.

Introducing Sundanataidas! (Magic Spelling) Head of some section of the Hare Krishnas, I spent an afternoon with him trying to understand why I should buy an orange pashmina, give myself one of those top knot Los Angeles hair cuts and start dancing around like a spastic Capuchin monkey trying to attract a female. He actually was really wonderful. I assumed immidiately that he had a life like a boo...

Greets and Salutations my friends and enemies alike! I will begin exclusively premiering shows on a new platform, called ACAST, which will allow me, due to small ads, to do this show full time without becoming a freegan who dumpster dives at whole foods, uses a moon cup and takes up ulkelele as a hobby. So hurray for creative freedom, boo for selling out but girls gotta brunch, ya know? So I spent...

You spend your entire life thinking you are nothing like your parents while simultaneously trying to figure out how it's possible you are a combination of their genes. Then slowly, as you start to pay your own bills, establish your adulthood and form a friendship with them they begin to let down their parental shields and open up a John Malcovitch portal into their brain and you realize, FUCK ME,...

So I've been spending more time with my parents because they are, lets face it, the absolute fucking best ever of all time. I've been struggling to find inspiration in NYC...and kind of moping around which is antithetical to my entire core of who I believe myself to be. So I went home to spend some time with my creators, and remember just how lucky I am to have chosen my amazing mother as a portal...

My mother and I continue to fall down the rabbit hole further and further. I woke up Day 1, and found out that my mother and aunt Peggles were already out dancing at District. District is the craziness most bananas day party where various creatures of all shapes sizes and colors crawl out of their make shift homes and get grimy on the dance floor. I show up and where is my family, but at the very...

Secret for patreon!

Question: What happens when you take 5 east coast super jews whose idea of camping includes 4,000 Egyptian sateen blend sheets and a penchant for obsessing over food, logistics, weather and being on time and leave them helpless to fend for themselves in a desert populated with 70,000 insane asylum escapees with only ME as their way finder? MAGIC BABY. I have been plotting for this moment basically...

Bonus episode! Just a really silly bonus episode I wasn't going to air, but I had to take a sledgehammer to my first burning man episode I had created and start from scratch due to a combination of my total incompetence and a tired mac book air that gave out on me last night. Anyone wanna donate a computer to the you're welcome team? Fuck. My best friend Ben who came to burning man with me and my...

Why is it such a bad thing to want to fuck mothers? How is it possible that I still live in a world where I can't call my friends (who I assure you ARE) motherfuckers, on festive party buttons and stickers? How am I supposed to plan bachelor parties and baby showers for my male friends if my freedom of speech is shat upon by this amish minded company? How am I still having conversations like this?...

I was invited to record You're Welcome at a Art Gallery opening for a realistic sex exhibit last week but I had taken shelter in the summer air, because the inside of the pop up gallery literally smelled like the inside of an ovary. This was due to the lack of air conditioning in a alphabet city basement that was stuffed to the gills with 100 super quaffed/perfumed fashion week model/actor types a...

Whoooo boy! This was a DOOZY. There is no myth worse for me than the engagement ring. Maybe it's because i'm of that age where people actually start to buy them. Did anyone else take the same history lessons as I did? I know i'm sounding like a crazy cat lady but seriously they're beautiful, fine, they are valuable i guess, but i don't like the mentality that traps us all into this boring cycle of...

IIntroducing Kai and Plasma, two traveling ladies of the streets who came up to ask me if I could give them money to help replace their boyfriends with rats. I mean, how does one say no to this question? I ended up on a literal rat race around New York City that took two days and brought into sharp focus some interesting questions for me about the morality around animal rights. What I always find...

I snuck into the Voice Auditions using one of my many fake business cards, and dove head first into the nightmare that is the audition process for a reality T.V show. This was a really hard podcast to do because it was a Philippe Petit style tight rope walk between supporting people's creative dreams, and also feeling the need to be a realistic barometer so perhaps I could shave years of poverty a...

Greetings Friends! As I piece together my new podcast I thought I would repost an interview I did with Alan Lewis for a podcast called Speak Into This. I was a little grumpy when we did this interview, and it was super late due to his time zone in Australia and I get a little preachy and sanctimonious towards the end. Sorry about that...I have just been so overwhelmed with the state of the world,...

Countdown is ON! One more day until I begin to describe myself as "in my early 30's" and start saying things like, " that was a such a great soul cycle class." I wanted to post this episode because as I'm getting older, my girlfriends become more and more vicious about their critical opinions about their bodies and by proxy mine. IT SUCKS. Just because I LOVE carbs, and would rather drink a glass...

I met this lovely girl on the steps outside Union Square who was holding a sign that said "Homeless, Pregnant, Please Help" so I helped the only way I know how..She is brilliantly funny, resilient and warm. It's a story I've heard many times, religious parents and a daughter who gets into normal teenage trouble, and the lack of acceptance drives them to the streets. This is major issue in the LGBT...

I have been working on a new podcast for the last couple weeks and I promise that I'm almost done. You know when you are trying to balance your professional life and your creative life and you just suck balls at it? Well that's where I'm at. In the Mean time, Jake Sasseville, called me a couple weeks ago, and asked if he could flip the script on me, and give me a taste of my own medicine. I met ja...

Hi everyone! I present to you, my latest serious hard hitting journalism piece, "Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Pagent." I want to preface by saying I went to this with my four best/worst girlfriends, and we were drinking...heavily....the event dragged on forever...and we kept drinking Penis Coladas..and my voice got...let's just say a bit aggressive. I want to also explain that this event, that was in...

So i recently auditioned for my idol Howard Stern. They made me make him a reel of the highlights of my radio show from the last year. So i spent days and days pulling out funny bits to try and make my hero laugh. I then played my selections for my friends, who all said that I sounded like I had the charisma of a cardboard box. So I scrapped it and went with a crowd selected bunch of mini clips th...

Sorry i've been Mia. I have two full time jobs and a super sick pup who destroyed my already invisible saving's account. Suffice it to say I haven't had a lot of extra time and money to travel around talking to strangers. HOWEVER i've established a routine, my pup's nose is cold and wet and i'm ready to go back into my favorite world of talking to strangers about their penile dysfunction. Here's a...

I recently got a hidden microphone. I had to, because in order to record myself embarrassing my amazing mother I had to be more discreet, she's "on to me" so she thinks! So after a beautiful night walking through the wintery streets of the West Village, red wine, laughter, and PG fun at the Barrow Theatre I tricked my mom and aunt into checking out "Fantasy World" the 24 hour full on sex store on...

I met Pablo McFagFace, Bobby Pin, Jane Fondler and Lady Diamond at the Weribee National Park/Zoo in Melbourne Australia. I was with my friend Grant who desperately wanted to know more about how he could get to know his prostate. This one gets a little graphic I must say. All in all I ended up having quite a night with these four ladies, We were staying at the same hotel and I helped them get into...