You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders

When you were raised by a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn early on that keeping the peace and managing your parent's moods is the "kind" thing to do. Your family conflates kindness with you taking on the job of regulating your parent's emotions, and now every boundary you try to set can feel like a moral failure instead...

You've told yourself that this time you won't let it get to you, and somehow you still leave the conversation feeling defeated and distraught, wondering why you can't just let things go. When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn to brace for the mean comments, the cruelty, the digs that come out of nowhere.  And...

Too many cycle breakers know that moment when your phone lights up with the latest family emergency and you drop everything to try to calm the storm. When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn early on that keeping the peace is what keeps you safe. So, when there's a crisis, of course you spring into action. In this episod...

When grow up with a toxic parent, Father's Day isn't an exciting celebration. It's a loaded weekend that sits heavy on your nervous system. And it's why the week leading up to it can leave you feeling completely drained before you even get to the main event. In this episode you'll learn: Why the week before and after Father's Day can feel just as heavy as the day itse...

When you set a boundary with a narcissistic parent, or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, they tend to push back by acting like they don't get it. They argue, they question whether your boundary is even reasonable, they pull you into a debate about whether you should have it at all.  It's why these conversations so often end with you backing down, second-guessing yo...

You finally set the boundary and for about five seconds you felt proud of yourself. Then your parent pushed back and wished you could take it all back. When you have a parent with narcissistic or unmanaged borderline personality disorder, boundaries don't land the way you were taught they would.  These types of parents are emotionally dysregulated, rely on you to manage their feelings, and re...

That moment where your brain short circuits because your parent just looked you dead in the eye and insisted the situation you’re describing never happened at all.  When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, gaslighting isn't just a buzzword you read about on Reddit. It's the ever present way your parent avoids taking responsib...

If you’re dealing with toxic in-laws and feeling unsupported by your partner, this episode is for you. Today we’re talking about one of the most requested topics I’ve avoided covering for a long time: navigating dysfunctional in-law relationships when you’ve married into a toxic family system. We’ll talk about why dealing with toxic in-laws is different from dealing with your own family dynamics,...

That heavy, drained, slightly nauseous feeling you've been carrying around since Sunday? You're not alone. If you grew up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day doesn't simply end when the day ends. The emotional hangover that follows can be just as heavy as the lead-up, and it can leave you replaying every interaction, every word, e...

If you grew up with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you know what it's like to have a crystal clear picture of what patterns you don’t want to repeat.  The problem is that picture doesn't come with instructions for what it actually requires to do things differently, and that gap is where so many cycle breakers get stuck in a painful loop of tolerating to...

When you grow up with a narcissistic mom or a mom with borderline personality disorder, Mother's Day hits different. The whole holiday is built on a story that doesn't match your reality, and it can feel like there’s no space for the reality you actually lived.  Whether you're still in contact, low contact, no contact, or your mom has passed away, this day can bring up a complicated...

In this episode, Torie breaks down why dysfunctional families are so resistant to change, what actually happens when you bring new boundaries and skills back into your family, and why the pushback you're experiencing is not a sign you’re doing things wrong. Listen to learn:  What sets a healthy-ish family apart from a dysfunctional one  Why your family's behavior can get worse when you s...

In this episode, I walk you through: What patterns are common in narcissistic vs. borderline personality disorder Why the diagnosis itself isn’t what matters most What it feels like to grow up as a child dealing with a parent with these dynamics The key differences in behavior, motivation, and emotional impact Why these relationships feel so confusing, intense, and destabilizing We also talk about...

If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, chances are no one ever showed you what being an emotionally healthy adult actually looks like. In this episode, I’m breaking down why healing feels so confusing, messy, and unclear and what you actually need in order to move forward. We’re talking about: Why “I don’t want to be like them” isn’t enough to create healthy change...

When you grow up with an emotionally unpredictable or narcissistic parent, it’s easy to get stuck trying to figure out their intent especially when there were both good and painful moments. In this episode, we’re breaking down why that question keeps you stuck and what actually matters when it comes to healing and setting boundaries. Because the truth is, it’s not about whether they mean to hurt y...

In this episode, I’m talking about why that happens and why “just feel your feelings” isn’t actually helpful for most people who grew up in chaotic or emotionally unpredictable family environments. When you grow up with a parent who lacks emotional regulation skills, you learn to analyze, anticipate, and problem-solve. Not because something is wrong with you, but because it helped you function in...

In this episode, we’re talking about: Why forgiveness is often misunderstood Why you don’t need to forgive your parent to heal How focusing on forgiveness can actually keep you stuck The difference between forgiveness and healing Why acceptance is what actually helps you move forward What “radical acceptance” looks like in real life Listen to learn more about the fallacy of forgiveness and what it...

In this episode, we’re going back to the basics and talking about why things like staying hydrated, eating enough, sleeping, and moving your body matter far more for your mental health than most people realize. We cover: • Why cycle breakers often disconnect from their own needs • How dysfunctional family dynamics train you to ignore your basic needs • The mental health impact of dehydration, hung...

When you spend your childhood being misunderstood, projected onto, or told who you are instead of being seen for who you actually are, it makes sense that you carry that fear of being misunderstood into adulthood. In this episode, I talk about: • Why adult children of narcissistic parents often overexplain themselves  • What it feels like to grow up being constantly misunderstood  • Why this patte...

In this episode, we explore: Why guilt feels so overwhelming for adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents How dysfunctional family systems train you to equate guilt with being a bad person The difference between healthy guilt and manipulative guilt Why avoiding guilt keeps you stuck in the toxic cycle How to approach difficult decisions without avoiding or agreeing to things...

If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline traits, you may have heard this when you started setting boundaries, going to therapy, or naming the dysfunction in your family. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy , we unpack: Why “walking on eggshells” is not the same thing in a parent-child relationship The lifelong power imbalance that doesn’t magically disappear when you turn 18...

In this episode of  You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell breaks down common behaviors that toxic families often label as “normal,” but that are actually deeply damaging and abusive. We talk about why these dynamics are so confusing, why they impact you as deeply as they do, and why your reactions are not a personal flaw. You’ll learn: Why emotional and psychological abuse...

In this episode of You're Not Crazy , I walk through the most common reasons boundaries fail with narcissistic, emotionally immature, and toxic parents. Not because you did it wrong, but because most people are taught a version of boundaries that doesn’t account for manipulation, emotional dysregulation, guilt, or the survival responses cycle breakers carry into adulthood. We talk about: -Why...

The gaslighting, denial, deflection, and rewriting of reality mirror the dynamics many adults grew up with in toxic or narcissistic family systems. Torie explains how ongoing trauma impacts emotional capacity, why trauma that is still happening cannot be healed (only coped with), and how the pressure to respond perfectly often leads to paralysis. For listeners who feel overwhelmed, stuck, and at a...

Most cycle breakers know exactly what they don’t want to repeat. But knowing what not to do is very different from knowing how to be an emotionally healthy adult, especially when emotional regulation, boundaries, and healthy relationships were never modeled for you. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we talk about why learning emotional health as a cycle breaker is often messy, uncomfortable, an...