Your Favorite Band Sucks

Think you don't have much to be grateful for this year? Think again! Mark & Tyler are here to save 2020 from the bloody jaws of Christmas with the only holiday tradition that still matters: our annual Christmas Music Sucks episode! As a cold darkness settles upon the land and trepidation rises in the hearts of a noble proletariat, fear not! Beneath these terrible trappings lay great opportunit...

When we’re talking about a band as insufferable as Aerosmith, you really "don’t wanna miss a thing,” so enjoy the climax of this terrible group’s trilogy: 90s Aerosmith and beyond! Alicia Silverstone’s wedgie! Song doctors! Our review of Armageddon - the movie and real life!

Welcome to Part 2 of the Your Favorite Aerosmith Sucks podcast! In this installment, Mark helps Tyler through childhood trauma caused by Steven Tyler's... well, everything about Steven Tyler. Also, everyone who thought the "Walk This Way" collaboration with Run DMC actually mattered was either a dumbass or an executive at MTV (and therefore a dumbass). Step right up, folks. School is in session.

If we had a dollar for every time someone told us to listen to Aerosmith's early stuff, we'd pay Aerosmith to stop being a band. And they'd take the money. You know why? The only thing they've ever been good at is taking money from idiots.

Well, it turns out we weren't ready for the jelly. Talking about this soap opera of a "group" took longer than we thought it would, so here's Part 2: The Bootylicious-ing! Can Mark & Tyler prove themselves survivors? Listen and see.

Let's just say there's such a thing as your dad being too big of a Jackson 5 fan. There's also a reason your worst high school girlfriend listened to Destiny's Child. Ready for this history lesson on 90s pop? No, you're not. You could never be ready for us to tell you EVERYTHING THE ILLUMINATI DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW about Destiny's Child... You could never be ready for this jelly.

This guy should have been a one-hit wonder and we never should have had to do a single episode about him. But no... You people had to start taking him seriously after Odelay and now this is happening: Beck Sucks, Pt. 2: Beck to the Future! Mark & Tyler get into the ridiculous critical acceptance of "Sad Beck," the Grammy Awards and, inevitably, more Scientology...

Beck is the only argument needed against having respect for 90s pop culture. This is what every 8th grade boy in America was like before ADHD meds were invented. Beck's music is what it would sound like if chugging a 3-liter of Surge cola and shooting yourself in the b-hole with a paintball gun was a band. Now add Scientology. See?

It's no exaggeration to say this podcast probably wouldn't exist without the everlasting influence of Ludwig van Beethoven on music. This guy sucks so much he basically invented it. This guy sucks so bad it killed classical music entirely - which is actually pretty awesome, not gonna lie. This guy sucks so hard we had to make a long episode AND A NEW T-SHIRT about it... Press play, then head over...

This is what happens when you’re too ugly for hair metal. Honestly, the guys in Pantera should have worn MORE makeup if they wanted to record a soundtrack to the evil western KISS would have made if they were actually badass. Then they had to go and single-handedly destroy the genre of metal. Thanks, guys. Pantera sucks.

The suck level in Billy Joel's career was simply too much to cram everything in one episode, so Mark and Tyler came back for seconds. Since you people let this guy have somewhere close to a dozen Top 10 pop songs, quite a few of those need to be discussed at length.* Just like every great sequel, it's everything you loved about the first one... but more! The generation gap gets wider! Billy Joel g...

When you look up the word "hack" in the dictionary, it would be really helpful if they included a picture of Billy Joel, since he is perhaps the most successful hack in the history of recorded music. Afraid listening to Elton John will turn you gay? Don't worry, Billy's tough! Wish you had the pipes to sing along with Nilsson? Simply lower your standards! Speaking of low standards for entertainmen...

In these trying times, it's important to focus on things that bring us together rather than tear us apart. We need to unite against a common enemy and that enemy is... Nickelback. At what point do we stop giving our neighbors in The Great White North benefit of the doubt? It can't be a coincidence that all of the worst music comes from Canada, can it? Rush, Celine Dion, Leonard Cohen. It's like, w...

Is this a band or a sect of Mormonism that worships The Internet? You do kind of want to admire these kids for trying to wage war against music journalists but they should pick on someone their own size next time if they wanna win. Maybe a class of fifth-graders? Also, how is this band NOT from Portland, Oregon? The official soundtrack of taking a book with you to the bar so everyone knows you pla...

Remember when everyone asked the left half of a human evolution chart to create the Biff's Notes version of a Moby Dick audiobook? Yeah, neither do we. Mastodon sucks.

Oh, hey, it's everyone's favorite soundtrack to a comic book series! Which, turns out, is nobody's favorite soundtrack to a comic book series because that isn't a thing anyone wants and this entire idea is terrible. Look, we're all about escapist fiction. Your life is trash. We get it. But when it reaches the point of slaughtering babies in outer space, you've maybe escaped a little bit too far. G...

You wanted it, you got it! Well, okay, maybe you didn't want it but there have certainly been enough idiots who said "Oh YeaH? WHat aRE SoMe oF UR guYs FaVRitE BaNDz?" to justify a Top 10 Albums of the Decade Mini-Episode. Here that is.

OK Boomer Punks, make sure your bifocals are clean because today's episode takes a clear-eyed look at probably the most influential ska band of all time, The Clash. Songwriting, singing, musicianship, ethics - apparently none of these were requirements for becoming legends back in the '70s, as long as everyone thought one of your album covers was cool. It's true, you were lied to and that's not ri...

It's the least wonderful time of the year! Those of you who've been with us from the beginning know we aren't about to let a holiday season come and go without another attempt to end the single worst genre: Christmas music. It all sucks... It's all bad... But we have the antidote! Just to make sure it's been attacked from every possible angle, Your Favorite Band Sucks comes back once a year for an...

Ever ask yourself why Depeche Mode is always the favorite band of people who've ruined your whole life? Wonder no more, friends and neighbors! A day of healing is upon us! The thing is: there's a fundamental problem with every Depeche Mode song. Today, Mark & Tyler strap in to gently explain what's going on here. A lot of people are gonna learn a lot about themselves in this episode but, don't wor...

Long before the San Francisco Bay Area decided to destroy Western civilization using Silicon Valley's latest social media apps, they tried destroying us with insipid arena rock. Fair's fair, the band Journey has the best singer of probably anyone that's been featured on our show so far (and a lot of their album covers were pretty sick) but not even the golden throat of Steve Perry can keep this ch...

The only reason they named this band Slipknot is because "Hot Topic" was already trademarked. Look, all we're saying is if you made music and it was this bad then you'd probably want to hide behind a mask, too. Does it seriously take nine people to suck this hard? How many shows did they do with eight members before deciding it just didn't suck enough and they had to throw in one more? They could...

Ah, yes, the band that changed the lives of everyone who saw the worst movie of The 2000's, which also happened to be one of the most widely viewed movies of the decade due to the fact that everyone between the ages of 18 and 45 was evidently a total moron in The 2000s. Why should anyone care now? Well, how exactly do you think we got in this mess? This is how. The Shins don't just suck. They suck...

Never have fans. Trust us, you'll regret it. For some reason, there are a lot of people who see a podcast about their terrible taste in music as an invitation to contact the hosts and, y'know, say things... Yeah, it's pretty inexcusable behavior but, since we don't seem to be able to put a stop to it, we may as well share some of the best/worst specimens. Here's the first YFBS mini-episode! Mark a...

Clint Eastwood should sue these clowns. Anyone remember when cartoons were for kids and nobody on the planet would dream of confusing the soundtrack with, you know, music? Gorillaz make albums for adults who still eat bowls of cereal for breakfast. The favorite band of Eloi everywhere. It's offensive that anyone thinks we're supposed to take this seriously. Gorillaz suck.