You Haven't Seen What? / Crime Files Movie Podcast

Fighter pilot Lt. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell has a chip on his shoulder and that chip might just make him the most brilliant or the most reckless fighter pilot in Miramar." (not Miramar, FL) Parry: "Even if you're not trying to stare at Tom Cruise's ass, there it is right there in front of you in the tighty whiteys." Joelle: "Do you have something to tell me? Is there a reason we shouldn't be marrie...

The cyclical nature of John and Elizabeth's relationship of fighting and sex brings BDSM out of the dark and into the mainstream. Joelle - "I'm not having sex in street water." Parry - "Honey is a friction killer."

A young girl has her heart broken when her vampire boyfriend falls for a blazing hot   recent arrival and watches helplessly as they fight their burgeoning but forbidden lust for one another. Joelle - Your budget shouldn't be that budget. Parry - This is my holy water and I'm takin' it back, I'm takin' it all back! Melissa - Thank you, Chris for that very woke moment. Now continuing on with produc...

In the wake of her divorce, Lucy Emerson packs up her sons and moves home to sunny Santa Carla. However, the boys soon learn that there's a dark side lurking under sun, surf, and carny games. Parry - What are Jamaican Vampires like? Joelle - Fuckin' Awesome! Boom, Boom Lick Shot with that shit, okay! Chris - It's the most physically evocative sax song since El Bimbo. Melissa - Grandpa is bae!    

Mixing traditional forms of dancing with the new phenomenon of street dancing called breakdancing, Turbo, Kelly, and Ozone (TKO) break down barriers with their sick moves. Parry - " Electro Rock remind me of the Misfits from Jem and the Holograms. 'We are Electro Rock, our songs are better!'" Joelle - " I'm so glad you were able to make a joke. Thank you for carrying some of the weight!"

A sweet cat, forced to make journey through space, gets woken up from a great nap, only to watch humans eat lousy food...and get what they deserve. Joelle - "If they had just listened to the woman in the control room following protocol…" Parry - "Putting white surfaces in the Nostromo is like putting nice upholstery in a dump truck."  

What happens when you accidentally poison your sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical, bigoted boss? Sweet revenge! Joelle - "Marie Kumkari" Parry - "Please send all hate mail to DerekJeterFanClub@gmail.com."

Baseball is a game about winning and losing...love is very similar. Parry - "Albuquerque Isotopes?!" Joelle - "Once again, I am saving your ass."

Paradise...or is it? Parry - "(Quoting Groucho Marx) Did you ever notice that Peter O'Toole has a  double -phallic name?" Joelle - "I felt the need to do some serious research and soul-searching so that you can understand my country (Jamaica)."

As Al himself describes it, "UHF is a cross between 'Sophie's Choice,' 'Son of Flubber' and 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.'" Parry - "As a Weird Al completist, you should own it. You just don't really need to watch it." Joelle - "If I sound bitter, it's because I didn't have any warning..."

Just when you thought one person can't make a difference, along comes Gandhi. Parry: "Surprisingly NOT about the world's largest distributor of T-Shirts and bumper stickers with inspirational sayings." Joelle: "#MuteRKelly"

A young girl with a desire to escape her reality must embark on a dangerous journey through the Labyrinth to rescue her baby brother when he is kidnapped...at her request. Parry: "We can't talk about Labyrinth without discussing Bowie's 'Underground Kingdom.'" Joelle: "How is this a kids movie?"

A dancer's career is short. Will this be their final hope or the start of something grand? (17 words!) Parry: "Comparison Kills!" Joelle: "I can't do coquito math."

Killer car might not choose its owners, but it certainly chooses its victims. Parry: "Does Christine end up as the dancing Pepsi can from The Golden Child?" Joelle: #FanFiction (in reference to Christine's wedding on Christinemoviecar.com)

When a favorite toy gets insecure about being replaced by a fancy new model, he resorts to fighting dirty to protect his place in his owner's heart. (And toys are sentient, BTW.) Parry: "How do you react when someone tries to Big Toy you?" Joelle: "I did not have a close relationship with my toys."

Eddie Murphy, AKA The Chosen One, searches for The Golden Child while navigating through Eastern mysticism and Western gangs. Parry: "Surprisingly, this is NOT a Golden Girls prequel." Joelle: "No one got to the movies on time the '80s."

Jerry Mitchell is having one of those days. Buddy Revell is always having a bad day. Buddy wants Jerry to fight him after school and Jerry will do ANYTHING to get out of it! Parry: "What is going on in Buddy Revell's home life?" Joelle: "That's shady as fuck, Spielberg."

What do you do when your grandpa returns from the dead and wants to spend $687,000 on you? You ask no questions and welcome him back with open arms...right? Parry: "Donald Sutherland makes me really want to drink orange juice." Joelle: "I don't understand the (acting) transition from having sexual relations with somebody and then pretending that they're your sibling."

Often looking for the bigger, better deal, Rob Gordon traverses through relationships, one autobiographical record at a time. Parry: "I have a medical condition. It's called premature exposition." Joelle: "I married Rob Gordon."

Dirty Dancing is a story about finding out who you are, when you thought you knew exactly who you were and then falling in love in the most unexpected places (oh, and classism, sexism, and abortion). Parry: "broccoli wrapped in bacon" Joelle: "There's no basement in the goddamn Alamo!"

Another world, another time, in the age of wonder. A thousand years ago, this land was green and good - until the Crystal cracked. A single shard was lost. Then strife began and two new races appeared, the cruel Skeksis and the gentle Mystics. Now, once more, the world must undergo a time of testing. Now the Crystal must be healed, or pass forever into the rule of evil. What was sundered and undon...

The King of Spandex Miniskirts wants to bump off his annoying wife, but she is kidnapped before he has the chance. His mistress and her lover plan to blackmail him for the crime, but their "evidence" is compelling for the wrong reasons. The clueless kidnappers keep lowering the ransom in the hope that they can finally get their basement back. Only the Memphis furniture is more colorful than this c...

When an 80's "Pack 'O Villans" vandalize a boy's beloved Honda Elite scooter, his sister goes straight to the main bully's father for restitution. But when his Douchey Dad forcibly attempts a sexual layaway plan and is accidentally shot by her brother, Billie Jean and her friends are forced to run. Along the road to redemption, Bille Jean becomes a modern day Joan of Arc as she leads a grassroots...

Ep 6: Midnight Madness (1980) - "You've gotta stand up and face life! Go for the GUSTO!" Leon, the Game Master, coerces several groups of college students into participating in "The Great All-Nighter," a clue-based scavenger hunt-style race through Los Angeles. Parry: I personally believe that "Leon" (if that is indeed his real name) now works for the Russians. Joelle: Pabst Blue Ribbon, OHoooOoOo...

Ep 5: The Princess Bride (1987) -"I do not think it means what you think it means." A farcical fairy tale about a woman who agrees to marry a prince when she believes her true love has been killed by pirates. Before the wedding can take place, she is kidnapped, but quickly rescued by her long-lost love, now a pirate himself. Before they can live happily ever after, they must escape the prince, who...