Worst Collection Ever

Thunderstrike #13 (1994) Thunderstrike and Luke Cage team up to track down a former college basketball standout-turned-bison monster into the bowels of a barbershop where a rouge S.H.I.E.L.D. operative whips out his Mandroid. We’ve also got some phone-related action as Luke uses the phone inside of a renovated porno theatre while Mephisto (maybe?) has an extremely moist conversation with a henchma...

Hourman #8 (1999) DC decided that after a few random JLA appearances that the new android Hourman was hip enough to get his own series. It was a dubious call to some but adding Snapper Carr as a human tether is not going to help you in the long run. In this issue, Hourman isn’t even there so we’re stuck with jabroni-ass Snapper bargaining with demons over cheesecake, making ketchup pentagrams and...

Poison Elves #19 (1996) POISON ELVES was a super-indie cult comic about, well, elves that like to dress up like ninjas and seek vengeance against other elves and maybe some humans.  In this particular issue, Lusiphur the Assassin Elf drops some serious ultra-violence on a warehouse full of villains (?) that may or may not have killed his father and caused his mother to get gangrene in her foo...

Starjammers [vol 2] #5 (2005) STARJAMMERS are a group of Marvel space pirates, one of which is Cyclops’s dad. Since that would be interesting, he doesn’t appear in this book. We do get in its place the tale of a young military cadet disillusioned with what he’s been fighting for as the government raids a planet of Groots to use their seeds for drug snacks. FYI - there was some audio botching in th...

JLA Classified #6 (2006) Booster Gold screws around in Doctor Fate’s tower and accidentally sends a bunch of JLAers and himself to Hell. Instead of being melted and tortured by the Spinner of Lies, fast food franchise owner Etrigan approaches them with the option to work at his burger joint and avoid demon slaughter.  Meanwhile, back on non-Hell Earth (but really, what’s the difference), Powe...

Jon Sable, Freelance #16 (1984) Jon Sable (possibly a distant relative of Silver Sable) is a hitman-for-hire that specializes in Godkiller firearms and having sex with jewel thieves in Frank Lloyd Wright-designed homes. He’s such a good freelance hitman that he built a physical representation of HOGAN’S ALLEY on the NES in his own home.  In this particular issue, Jon and Maggie The Jewel Thie...

The Next #1 (2006) THE NEXT is DC’s stab at a mid-80s low budget teenage movie premise about gnarly dudes and dudettes screwing with the space-time continuum, presented thru the filter of 1999 MTV Spring Break but released in the mid-2000s. The aforementioned teenagers and their translucent dog show up in our timeline, cause a young woman to get hit by a bus, only to be revived by a group of dead...

Supreme Power #16 (2005) SQUADRON SUPREME is one of those Marvel properties that they keep trying to get to work — and it DOES to a point — but it never feels bigger than you would think it is. Here’s another take on it where Hyperion is raised by the government, Doctor Spectrum makes out with amphibious telepaths and Whizzer has a holographic mother. Special appearance by comedian and character a...

Comics’ Greatest World: Out Of The Vortex #1 (1993) Oh man, time for some Dark Horse comics! In this offering, an alien in a dope-looking outfit appears out of nowhere in a military base located in Cinnabar Flats, Nevada. “Cinnabar” makes us think of cinnamon which is appropriate because our alien guy (Vortex the Heretic) encounters opposition in the form of space spartans carrying electric Eggo w...

Team Titans #4 (1992) TEAM TITANS is a superhero team held up by the premise that Donna Troy’s son put chemical additives in our food around the turn of the century and made us all dummies so that we’d accept his genocide campaign. Sounds terrible but on the bright side, this gimmick stuff gave kids superpowers and, in a ploy to stop this tragedy from happening, travelled back in time to start a r...

Powerline #4 (1988) We kickoff an ongoing experiment during these quarantine times as we go through a random selection of books purchased online from Mile High Comics here in Denver. Hopefully, we won’t have to get thru all of these so that we can resume purchasing dollar comics from physical bins. What we have this week is POWERLINE, a dreary book about two teens with strangely complementary powe...

Thor #246 (1976) Instead of self-quarantining himself with Quarter Pounders and Errol Flynn films, Thor opts instead to disrupt a Latin American revolution because he saw that his buddy Firelord was there. Later, Thor no-sells Jane Foster disrobing and ends up getting hypnotized so overall, not a good time. Meanwhile in Asgard, Balder the Brave looks to depose Odin for banishing loyal soldiers to...

World’s Finest Comics #110 (1960) In the further adventures an insane billionaire and his alien madman friend, Bats and Supes encounter an alien who is trying to run a real estate scheme on an asteroid by miniaturizing attractions across the galaxy and starting up his own Epcot Center gimmick (but in SPACE) Things go from worse to even worse when said alien entrepreneur absorbs part of Robin’s lif...

RoboCop [vol 2] #12 (1991) In keeping with the apocalyptic vibes of the now, we check in with Marvel’s take on the RoboCop expanded universe which also includes H.E.R.B.I.E., that Rigellian Recorder who once got drunk with Galactus and Paulie’s sexy robot from ROCKY V. Bear witness as RoboCop vaporizes a limo driver with cyborg indigestion, fights off exoskeletons with human heads and has a series...

The Brave and The Bold # 147 (1979) Batman teams up with Supergirl to take down a bunch of sun-worshipping jobbers lead by comic book’s worst person Doctor Light. Somehow, these guys stuck a giant cannon on a Wayne Enterprises satellite when Bruce was taking a dump or something.  Also, Batman is SO TOUGH he survives a brief float-around in actual outer space. He’s the toughest man alive. Cont...

Amazing Spider-Man #257 (1984) Peter and his wacky new costume are challenged by Puma, a guy who turns into a were-cat after an hour of thinking about it. He’s also got girl problems (son) with Black Cat, who thinks Peter is a destitute jobber, and Mary Jane, who Peter throws into a closet. We also witness the Kingpin’s painfully unbalanced workout regimen. Continue the conversation with Shawn and...

Wonder Woman [vol 1] #201 (1972) While on the hunt for a rage-inducing jewel hidden in Tibet, Wonder Woman runs afoul of Catwoman (in one of her lesser celebrated outfits). Eventually, both of them are captured by bloodthirsty monks who force the heroines to do battle against each other in suspended harnesses like MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME. Also, I-Ching is here, freely commenting on everything l...

We opt to go in on the latest cinematic offering from DC Comics — BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN). It’s an unremarkable movie but there are are some bright spots and opportunities to build upon. Definitely worth your time to check out if you are comic book fan or if you are curious about CGI hyenas and kids swallowing diamonds and what not. Be warned though — t...

Doom Patrol [vol 2] #70 (1993) This week, we check out a Vertigo-era DOOM PATROL book where the creative tries to keep the weird vibe going that Grant Morrison initiated by bringing in a villain with a penis cannon. We also find out what would happen if the mummy couple from the video for 80s new wave artist Howard Jones’s “Everlasting Love” got into the superhero game. Also, Cliff gets mentally p...

X-Men [vol 2] #67 (1997) Mutantkind is yet again under siege by Bastion, the Sentinel with a soul patch. Professor X is detained so its up to Iceman and Dr. Reyes to break into Archangel’s NYC pad and fight his Sentinel house sitter. Elsewhere, we meet up with Sabra, an Israeli mutant with the powers of super-strength and exploding clothes. Also, Sentinels. Continue the conversation with Shawn and...

Green Arrow [vol 3] #28 (2003) For a while, Ollie was dead because he got his hand stuck in a bomb and it exploded while Superman watched. Thankfully for his buddy Hal, Green Arrow is BACK, chasing down Orc-looking Doomsday monsters in the Pacific Northwest with son Connor Hawke. Also, Ollie’s on a break with Dinah (shrug emoji) and hooks up with Black Lightning’s niece. In the end, Ollie gets cru...

Green Lantern [vol 2] #173 (1984) This ep is about Green Lantern. Quick question though — does anyone know how the constructs actually work? Like, does Hal have to be RIGHT NEXT TO IT for it to exist or can he fly away, go get lunch and come back to find his construct still intact? Anyway, Green Lantern comes back from space exile and goes back to work at Ferris, saves a dude from getting impaled...

Marvel Two-In-One #38 (1978) We are back from a brief holiday break with a predictably ridiculous look at MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE with The Thing and Daredevil. The Thing is in jail because he’s raging rock monster. Matt Murdock is awful at his lawyer duties in his defense of Ben so its up to Daredevil to get The Thing cleared. Daredevil then beats up Tom Atkins from HALLOWEEN III and accomplishes nothin...

Batman: Legends Of The Dark Knight #79 (1996) We keep on with the holiday theme as we check out Batman on a quest to find some stolen goods from Wayne Manor. First, he stops off at a peep show to talk to a blind woman, followed by YEETING some thugs with the Batmobile. It all wraps up a chemical factory with Batman smacking around some dudes with bad haircuts. Its actually a good story - no lie. C...

Hawk & Dove [vol 3] #20 (1991) It’s holiday adventure as Dove must save an extremely crowded (and panic-attack inducing) toy store from a Frosty with a flamethrower and a violent ballerina. Thankfully, there are ninja dinosaurs named after US Presidents nearby to lend a hand. Also, Hawk has some locker-room conversation! Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter / Instagram / Fac...