Who Is My Doctor?!

Today we take a very strange detour to discuss cinematic parallels, a sitcom about bear-men, and a rat the size of a bicycle. The question is... could this be Cassie's new favorite Star Wars movie?

So the Doctor comes into Christmas Town and positions himself as its figurehead and gives the children gifts. How many more steps until Tim Burton gets to sue? Either way, stick around to the end of this episode for a little... surprise.

Who would've thought mixing Walder Frey, Logan Roy, and the JFK assassination would make something so sweet and sincere?

Can you count, suckas? I say the future is ours if you can count! Unfortunately the Doctors cannot, as this is definitely not Five or even Five(ish).

Getting to the 50th anniversary now feels delusional. The calculations alone would take dozens of episodes! Dozens and dozens, but don't worry... we started about 2 years ago.

'Twas the Night of the Doctor, and all through the pod, not a Cassie suspected that Zach was a fraud. He told her a fib just a few episodes past, but luckily she likes this, so she won't kick his ass.

They're tiny, they're tooney, they're non-canon Doctor Who-y. They're a series of flash animations where The Doctor has to sing the heads off some lava iguanas and the Master is a sassy robot.

So they made busts out of the heads of two dead guys and have them just spin around in the air, and that's not even like the 4th weirdest thing in this special. But K-9 is here, so all is forgiven.

Daleks have no concept of a 25th Anniversary. So little concept, it makes them forget how to shoot their lasers and just explode instead.

It's our 100th episode, and you know what that means! No, dummy, it means that we're looking at a cheesy camp film from the 60s that isn't canon and may not be streaming anywhere like SMART PODCASTERS!

I'm seeing double here, Four Doctors! Patrick Troughton and Colin Baker team up to fight a hungry pirate or something? And I think Stanley Tucci was in this? I don't know, man, I fell asleep.

Be on the lookout for vanta black triangles that come to scoop you up. They may take you to meet your maker or stuff you in a time quangle because your actor didn't want to come back.

Come sit with us in a time eddy of our own as we watch what happens when you put a dandy and a clown in a room with a god.

Today Cassie completes her journey to see all of the Classic Doctors at least once. She gets her nasty boys, some blonde boys, and a forest that's as dead as a stone. What more could a girl want? A pony? Yeah, probably a pony.

What if we gave The Doctor the most beautiful hair in all the land? Could that revive the show in the mid-90s? Only one way to find out!

The first question... the question that must never be answered... hidden in plain sight... The question you've been running from all your life: Can Zach cross his eyes?

Everybody climb inside Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle with Porridge and Impresario Webley! .....what the hell am I talking about?

Today we learn a very important lesson that we can take into our everyday lives: red is cured by green.

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get the center of a TARDIS? Let's find out!

It occurs to me as I write this description... I don't think anyone ever actually hides in this episode. I mean, the Crooked Man hides his lower jaw, but I don't think that counts!

Yo, dawg, I heard you liked Cold Wars, so we put a Cold War on in a cold war place during the cold war so The Doctor and a Martian can Cold War while they Cold War.

Praise the sun! And feed him your most dramatic of monologues in the hopes that you can keep riding Space Mountain: Ghost Galaxy!

Uh-oh, the internet's evil again! Hate when that happens. I swear, you can't swing a dead cat video around here without some evil corporation trying to suck your literal soul into a London database.

It's Christmas in July, everybody! That magical time when children get all snug in their beds before running for their lives from their evil ice nanny!

What killed the dinosaurs?! Turns out it was a teenager's corpse! Is that more or less dramatic than the Ice Age?