Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but...

He comes to Esther with a question about how to feel worthy without constantly having to prove himself. For him, it’s not just personal, it’s also racial. Defining himself on what he calls the “path of black excellence,” achievement has become both a burden and a measure of identity. Together, they explore what it means to experience calm and worthiness, not through doing, but simply by being. Est...

Three years after Esther spoke with a Ukrainian couple separated by war, she calls them back to learn where they are now and whether their relationship has survived intact. They have made their way back to each other, but though they have reunited physically, they find themselves more emotionally distant than ever before. Knowing that she can’t change the circumstances of their lives, Esther offer...

Since the age of 8, she’s been the one holding her mother together and shouldering adult responsibilities long before her time. Now, as an adult herself, she’s ready to step out of the caretaker role and invite her mother to finally be the parent. Esther helps her explore how to loosen these deeply entrenched dynamics and create space for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship. Esther Callings a...

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? A husband and wife are united in their desire to help their daughter, two years after she suffered a breakdown and moved home, shutting herself off from her family and friends. Esther urges them to examine the way pressure and expectations – no matter how well-intentioned – can shape a child’s upbringing. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my ne...

She’s reeling from a relationship that brought both deep love and deep betrayal. After discovering that her boyfriend had been lying about the terms of their polyamorous arrangement, she’s left struggling to reconcile the intimacy they shared with the deception that shattered it. Esther helps her understand how to integrate these two truths and the transformative power of honoring both love and pa...

They met in vet school and married just as they reached graduation. But now his work takes him around the world, forcing them to live apart for months at a time. He’s ready to start a family, but she’s hesitant: how can they think about children when they’re often separated by distance? As they wonder about their next phase of life, Esther helps them uncover what sits beneath the surface: the lone...

She unknowingly changed the course of his life, and he's loved her ever since. It's been decades, and even though he now dates men, he wonders how to live with these feelings of what he calls unrequited love. How do you hold a candle of gratitude for someone who will never know how much they meant to you? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are...

Post-breakup rumination is a familiar spiral. We replay the signs, question our judgment, and wonder how we didn’t see it coming. This week, Esther speaks with a man grappling with the lingering grief and betrayal of discovering that his ex wasn't exactly who he thought she was. Together, they explore the complex aftermath of a relationship. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventio...

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? He's been cheating on her for years, and she's had enough. Now she wants to know: is he in or is he out? Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoic...

When her younger sister gets engaged, a woman finds herself spiraling with unexpected grief and frustration. She’s spent years in relationships with men who shy away from marriage, and the news stirs up deeper childhood wounds—secrets about her family and questions of belonging. With Esther’s help, she begins to face the shame she’s carried and the tricky balance between wanting to be seen and wan...

A couple sits down with Esther Perel to untangle trust, control, and intimacy after becoming parents. He feels weighed down by anxiety and responsibility; she struggles with ADHD, resistance to structure, and fears of falling short in her art career. Their love is strong, but everyday tensions spiral into power struggles. Esther challenges them to move beyond their labels and find a new connection...

This is a classic session of How's Work? A large and scattered network of journalists meet for a virtual session with Esther. Over the past year, they've reported on the biggest stories of their careers, but they are burned out, isolated, grieving, and disconnected from the very thing that supports and energizes them all: their newsroom. Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transfor...

Nothing changes us quite like our first love—or our first heartbreak. After falling in love for the first time in his late twenties, he now finds himself navigating the pain of his first breakup. He comes to Esther in search of clarity, healing, and a way forward. Esther Callings are a one time, one hour interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If yo...

She’s watching the company she co-founded unravel—strained partnerships, family entanglements, and the weight of guilt, anger, and responsibility pulling her in every direction. Now she wants to ask Esther: how can she protect her relationship with her brothers but still free herself to move on to what’s next? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They...

Their marriage was turbulent and the divorce is now two years behind her—but she still can’t let him go. Torn between the part of her that knows it was unhealthy and the part that still longs for him, she’s preparing to see her ex again, keeping it a secret from everyone—including her therapist. Esther helps her delve into the importance of reconciling the different parts of herself and the role o...

In this classic Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional...

Psychotherapist and bestselling author Julia Samuel invites us into a profound exploration of the twin forces of love and loss. With warmth and wisdom, she examines how grief reshapes us, how love anchors us, and how the interplay between the two defines the human experience. In a culture that often avoids pain and over-romanticizes connection, she offers a more honest, more tender path: one that...

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the co...

He fell in love with his best friend. But when his best friend reconnected with an ex, it was too much to bear and he had to end the friendship. He wonders how to let himself fall in love again and move into the next chapter of his life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you w...

He prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this classic episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with being the container for his friends’ relationship woes. But, he wonders, can put up barriers without losing the intimacy of those friendships? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited f...

Esther presents two conversations you have to hear from her clinical conference, Sessions Live. Listen in as psychiatrist and narrative therapist Paul Browde traces his journey from secrecy to aliveness. Growing up queer under apartheid and later diagnosed with HIV, Browde shares how stigma, silence, and shame shaped his early life and professional path. Through storytelling, erotic healing, and s...

Friendship is a key thread of the social fabric. But what happens when the thread starts to fray? They met in college and have been close for a decade. Now, with long-term partners in the mix, their once-easy bond is under strain. Resentments—some spoken, many not—have started to pile up. Can their friendship adapt to this new phase of life? Or will it unravel? Esther offers them both some hope. T...

This week on Where Should We Begin we are sharing a very special episode of What Now? with Trevor Noah. Esther joins Trevor for a heartfelt conversation about the power of friendship. As Esther reflects on her childhood and the experiences that shaped her journey, the two explore how meaningful relationships help us grow—often through our challenges, humor, and even a little friction. From unexpec...

He's 42 and is in his first real relationship. And he's panicking. He's afraid he doesn't know how to be in a true romantic partnership. With Esther's help, he explores how his past has contributed to his fears of intimacy and abandonment. Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and...