Where Do We Go From Here?

February is the month of love people say, but whether or not Valentines Day makes you cringe or gives you cheer, we can all celebrate our favourite pals. How about a Palentines Day party (or a Galentines?!)?   The Lazy Genius herself, Kendra Adachi , joins us with her best party planning tips. We even talk about Zoom parties and how to make one sparkle.   Don't forget to check our Instagram page t...

*Trigger Warning: This episode contains reference to childhood rape, every manner of sexual abuse and violence toward women. We encourage you to proceed with caution and kindness toward yourself if these are areas of personal experience or concern. Francine Rivers' novel Redeeming Love, released to a Christian audience in 1997, made an enormous impact on white evangelical women in the 90s and 00s....

We wrap up our series On Premarital Sex by talking to Professor David Ayers who has studied the sex lives of young evangelicals for the past 30 years. We also share the results of our survey and YOUR responses. What comes next for evangelicals when it comes to sexuality and sex education? We have all the thoughts.  Full show notes here Watch on YouTube here Partner with us for $3/month and get an...

What if there was more to being men and women than cultural roles and expectations? Aimee Byrd joins us with an invitation to study the Song of Songs as something beautiful, glorious, and re-invigorating for our imaginations.  Join our partners for $3/month to hear Aimee talk about her book Recovering from Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and the resulting backlash against the book. Partners also ge...

This movie has something for everyone - family drama, romance, and that holiday sparkle. It's the story of a tight-knit, wacky family, and the oldest son's "uptight" girlfriend. But does this 2005 movie hold up today?  We talk about grief, bad boyfriends and girlfriends, and what makes a good relationship. Get into it! Partner with us for $3/month . You get to hear romcom recaps like this one, and...

If you thought purity culture was a thing of the past, guess again. Turns out there are new forms in 2021. We're calling it Purity Culture 2.0, and it's found on YouTube and Instagram and in new books. What do these new-but-old messages have in common? How do they exhibit characteristics of purity culture from the past? Listen in to find out more. Take our *new* anonymous survey on premarital sex...

No chewed up gum metaphors allowed in this episode about abstinence. You'll hear the thoughts and lived experience of a single woman in her 30s who chooses abstinence now. What makes this abstinence different from the True Love Waits pledges of the teen years? How is it lived out when it comes to app dating in 2021? Kathryn Freeman has all the insights for us in this fantastic episode.  Watch this...

A portion of our Partner-only conversation with fat activist Amanda Martinez Beck. Beck joins us to talk about fatness and sexuality. We incorrectly referred to Amanda as Amanda Beck Martinez throughout the episode. Her name is Amanda Martinez Beck. Partner with us for $3/month . Original Show Notes here Amanda Martinez Beck is a fat activist and author of More of You: The Fat Girl's Field Guide t...

The conversation about human sexuality after purity culture is a conversation about bodies. All kinds of bodies. We know what our culture promotes as the "acceptable" body, but what does the church say? Is there a difference? And what does this mean for people who don't fit that mold? Fat activist Amanda Martinez Beck joins us to talk about fatness and sexuality, and we even get into the five myth...

Every month our partners get to hear us debrief purity culture in the news and pop culture that has purity culture resonance. This month we talk about: Lizzo's Ted Talk on the history of twerking criminalization of stealthing in California and the ACT SBC drama over sexual abuse coverups In The Heights, Impeachment, Dear..., and The Baker & The Beauty We get into what these stories mean for us and...

Purity culture told us to wait to have sex because one day (for sure) we would get married and have "really hot sex." Today we invite you to examine another aspect of the premarital sex conversation - celibacy. But let's re-imagine it with Pieter Valk and Dani Treweek, a therapist and a minister who are committed to living without sex as single people.  Full show notes here Watch the episode on Yo...

Our partners got our deep dive of the OG romcom When Harry Met Sally. This movie covers some of the topics nearest and dearest to the hearts of purity culture lovers, namely this big question: Can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way?  Is there a difference between Harry's beliefs and the Billy Graham Rule? We talk about it here, and today you all get a teaser. If you like it, m...

Therapist and author Jay Stringer joins us today to help us address a listener question. "What do you think are the best concrete steps that men can take to retrain themselves to develop healthy relationships with women?" The answers are easier AND harder than you might imagine.  Hear what Jay has to say about recognizing our sexual story and its power over in Patreon for $3(USD)/month. Full show...

We are going THERE. This is the start of a two-part series about premarital sex. Today Matthias Roberts joins us to help those of you open to considering what breaking some of your former rules might look like.  (Note: In October you'll hear part two, a discussion about celibacy.) Full show notes here Join The Jess & Devi Show community as a partner , and hear this week's episode: Jess and Devi di...

Did you hear our new intro? Yes, we are here to untangle sex, self, and community for a new generation of Christians. Leave behind purity culture, and save what matters. Together, let's rebuild life and faith with Jesus at the center, so you can figure out where will you go from here? We untangle together today with Brendan Kwiatkowski as our guide. If the versions of masculinity presented by the...

When Jessica Van Der Wyngaard created the film I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye , she had to face her own relationship with Christian celebrity culture. For the first time on our show, she talks about what it was like to make the film, a film people would largely credit to Josh Harris. And she takes us on a journey to rediscover what is worth fighting for in the Christian story.  Show Notes Here...

Trigger Warning: This episode contains references to sexual assault and other serious matters. Please proceed with caution. Like many of you, we've been listening along to Christianity Today's masterful podcast The Rise and Fall Of Mars Hill, and we had all the thoughts after the last one: The Things We Do To Women. Think of this as the debrief you wanted to have with a friend after you listened t...

It's our last listener show, and we go out with a bang getting to talk to DeVon this week. He tells us about going from a church background to walking away from God and his return to the church. Purity Culture found him on his return to the church, and he's got all the thoughts on how he dealt with it, and what he's doing now to change the culture to build healthy friendships and partnerships betw...

Raise your hand if you heard the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Turns out there's a psychological reason why this is impossible. Dr. Richard Beck joins us today to talk about the psychology of disgust and the unconscious ways in which we push people away whom we believe will contaminate us. Jess and Devi also debrief the power of metaphors, and the ways a metaphor can harm us (crumpled ro...

Listener Julie joins us to talk about the fear of making mistakes and how it crippled her for years. You'll find yourself in the broad themes of her story as someone who had to take on Purity Culture, the prosperity gospel, and her own pride. It moved her from passive princess to the strong, single woman she is today.  Partner with us for $3/month to hear this month's romcom recap, "500 Days of Su...

If you've been eyeing a summer bikini and hoping no one from church sees you, this might be your episode. Most of us had a parent or pastor telling us what to wear before we ever heard about premarital sex. The "modesty" conversation embedded itself into Purity Culture dictating the length of shorts, width of straps, and what kind of swimsuit was ok. We go through the problems with how modesty was...

We've got a BIG episode for you to finish out June 2021. Listener and book club member Steph joins us to share her where do we go from here? story. From conservative evangelical culture in the mid west of the United States to the discovery that she's queer, Steph's insight about life as a queer Christian and what being part of a church community has meant to her will encourage you.  As a special g...

One of Purity Culture's origin stories is the birth of the militaristic masculine tradition inside white American evangelicalism. It is a story clearly told and meticulously documented by Professor Kristin Kobes Du Mez in her singular book, Jesus and John Wayne. Pioneered by men like James Dobson then continued more recently by John Eldredge and Mark Driscoll, this movement sought to define the nu...

Move over Christian sex books, there's a rescue at hand. Sheila Wray Gregoire and her co-writers surveyed 20,000 Christian women, and what they found is shocking. If reading Love & Respect, the Act of Marriage, and others harmed you and your marriage, this is the episode for you. There is a way out of shame and obligation sex.  Full show notes here Partner with us for $3/month to hear our recap of...

Most of us who left Purity Culture know that there were two pieces of advice for successful relationships: Don't date a non Christian and don't have premarital sex. Ready for more? We tackle Christians dating non Christians today with data,  practical truths and myths as well as your tender, truthful stories.  Full show notes here Partner with us to hear this month's movie recap: Miss Congeniality...