When We Disagree

What happens when a conversation changes you—but the other person never knows? University of Virginia professor Rachel Wahl shares her research on student dialogues that linger long after they end, including one that revealed both the promise and heartbreak of real engagement. This episode dives into what it takes to build understanding across deep divides—and why curiosity and respect might be de...

Jon Sklaroff, a podcast and public media professional, comes in hot with a controversial claim: there’s only one true pizza — New York style. A lighthearted food debate moves into a deeper conversation about meaning, majority rule, and why definitions matter. We explore whether pizza — and truth — should be decided by consensus or by conviction. A hilarious, oddly profound argument about how we de...

Chris Lundberg , professor of Communication at UNC and the founder and CEO of Vocable Communications , asks what it really means to educate good citizens in a divided age. Should universities focus on teaching facts or on teaching how to listen, argue, and think together? Lundberg makes the case for learning to disagree well —turning opinion from a possession into a starting point for shared under...

What happens when a dialogue expert loses his cool? Vince Greer, Associate Dean of Students and Director of Dialogue & Belonging at Claremont McKenna College, unpacks an argument with a close friend over women’s rights that shook his confidence as a professional listener. Together they explore when neutrality stops being a virtue, how to hold space for passion without disrespect, and why being...

Julie Rose - journalist, radio host, and creator of the weekly shows Top of Mind and Uncomfy - shares the deeply personal story of her biggest regret: years of unproductive arguments with her mother over cable news. In this moving conversation, she reflects on why even the most skilled interviewers can lose curiosity when emotions and identity get tangled up at home. Julie’s honesty about what she...

Jordan Pace represents District 117 in the South Carolina House of Representatives and serves as Chairman of the House Freedom Caucus. Pace recounts how his political conversion—from an ardent pro–Bush-Cheney neoconservative teenager to a libertarian-leaning Ron Paul disciple— was sparked by an unexpected conversation with Paul himself. Reflecting on that moment, Pace discusses the power of genuin...

Mary Kate Cary is a former White House speechwriter for President George H. W. Bush and a lecturer at the University of Virginia, where she teaches Democracy Out Loud a course on great American speeches. In this episode, Cary explores the long, complicated friendship and rivalry between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, tracing their relationship in three acts—from collaborators on independence, to...

Former Congressman Joe Cunningham shares the story of how he broke ranks with his own party by calling on President Biden not to seek reelection —and the backlash that followed. From being the first Democrat in 2022 to publicly urge generational change, to his later role with the No Labels movement , Cunningham reflects on the costs of speaking out against political orthodoxy. His story raises big...

Lara Schwartz , author of Try to Love the Questions , argues that our disagreements get stuck when we reduce them to binary yes/no battles. Instead, she calls for “lovable questions”—open-ended inquiries that push us beyond entrenched positions and into shared exploration. From campus debates over AI to national fights about free speech, Schwartz shows how the real challenge is deciding which ques...

Kurt Gray, a psychology professor and the author of Outraged : Why We Fight about Morality and Politics   and How to Find Common Ground , discusses leaning into curiosity, asking questions and fostering understanding when political conversations veer into controversial territory. He emphasizes that persuasion begins with empathy, not facts, and argues that deep listening is essential in rebuilding...

Ben Klutsey, executive director of the Mercatus Center whose work to bridge political differences is showcased in the documentary Undivide Us , shares a formative story of encountering racism as a child visiting Germany—a moment of unprovoked hostility that deeply shaped his outlook. Years later, after leaving Ghana and arriving in Appleton, Wisconsin for college, he was met with unexpected warmth...

Kathryn Joyce, a philosopher and civil discourse director at Ohio State University , recalls a memorable clash with a college professor over unfair tests—an early lesson in the challenges of pushing back against authority. Now an educator herself, she teaches students to hold powerful people accountable with humility and care. For Joyce, civil discourse isn’t about winning arguments.  It’s about f...

Jermaine Johnson, a South Carolina state representative and former pro basketball player, shares his frustration with the legislative process, revealing how performative politics often masks real, behind-closed-doors power plays. In his push to reform outdated laws, he’s faced fierce resistance rooted not just in political ideology, but in the weight of our shared history. For Johnson, the real ba...

Martin Carcasson, the director of the Center for Public Deliberation at Colorado State University , shares a debate about the value of, well, debate.  While debate at its best sharpens ideas and exposes misinformation, it can devolve into spectacle. Dialogue can foster understanding and trust but lacks rigor. Deliberation, he says, combines the strengths of both to help communities make better col...

Lisa Silvestri, a professor at Penn State University, reflects on the deep emotional stakes of political disagreement, describing her post-2024 election disillusionment as a kind of heartbreak rooted in love for her country. Drawing from her upbringing in a loud Philadelphia household, she sees conflict not as dysfunction but as a sign of care—a refusal to disengage. Her hope persists. For her, ch...

Michael Covington, an experienced government relations officer, reveals the art of navigating the toughest conflicts with strategic persuasion and direct engagement. With a mix of humor and hard-earned lessons from several decades in the world of lobbying, he suggests how to transform heated disagreements into powerful opportunities for meaningful change. Tell us your argument stories!  Email gues...

Jancee Dunn, a New York Times columnist and the author of How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids , recalls the explosive arguments that erupted between her and her husband after the birth of their child.  These disagreements were often triggered by seemingly trivial moments like a missing bottle of wine. With resentment building and roles unspoken, their marriage transformed as they struggled wit...

Matt Bares, CEO of Chandler Construction Services, shares the tough decisions he faced during the pandemic. Torn between public safety, personal liberty, and business survival, he mandated COVID vaccines despite potentially fierce opposition from his workforce. Looking back, he stands by his choice, though the weight of those disagreements lingers. Tell us your argument stories!  Email guest and t...

Carol Gorelick, a lifelong educator, shares a powerful story of a painful disagreement with a South African colleague that reshaped her understanding of race and societal dynamics. Reflecting on the complexities of identity and inequality, she emphasizes the need to accept our differences, advocating for one-on-one conversations to bridge societal divides.  Tell us your argument stories!  Email gu...

In 2018, Phelosha Collaros, a senior leader at St. John's College, faced a social media firestorm after announcing the college president’s upcoming appearance on Tucker Carlson’s show.  The announcement, which aimed to showcase the college’s commitment to ideological diversity and civil dialogue, sparked intense backlash, with personal attacks and divided reactions from alumni and parents. Co...

Kristal Hudson-Randall, a retired IT executive and former educator, shares  an internal struggle about the direction of the nation. A former optimist, she now wonders whether she can really trust her fellow citizens and, more generally, her country.  Tell us your argument stories!  Email guest and topic suggestions to us at whenwedisagree@gmail.com Follow us on Instagram

Jenn Wiggin, an executive producer of TV shows, films, and plays, discusses the shifting dynamics of her 30-year friendship with an actress in New York. After Jenn married and moved away from New York, her best friend accused her of neglecting their connection, leading to a two-year period of distance. Jenn responded calmly to the accusation, and she reflects on the tension between the expectation...

David Dudrick , a Catholic philosopher at Colgate University, shared his religious commitments with a colleague only to have his beliefs utterly dismissed. Despite being initially cast as foolish by his colleague, their disagreement about religion and philosophy evolved into a productive, respectful intellectual partnership. Through candid debates, they learned to engage with opposing views withou...

What happens when we shift from "winning" an argument to genuinely seeking common ground?  Bryan Gentry, a strategic communications professional, made what we now calls a reckless post on social media in 2008 mocking his friend’s support for Barack Obama.  Bryan wrote the post in a aggressive, talk radio style. His friend was upset, and Bryan quickly regretted the post.  As they talked i...

Clint Eisenhower recounts a career-shifting clash with a retiring CEO, where unspoken fears about aging and relevance turned a professional transition into a personal battle. Despite feeling deceived, Clint reflects on how life changes—like retirement—can cloud judgment, and how self-awareness is key in conflict. Now, as a leader of the Forward Party, he's channeling those lessons, using civi...