When the Flames Go Up

During her tenure as co-founder of BlogHer , Elisa Camahort Page set aside her background as a political blogger in order to establish the conference as “omnipartisan” and welcome to all (reasonable) opinions. But now that she’s writing and consulting about all the challenges of modern commerce and modern life, those days are over. Elisa is approaching her 60s with eyes much wider open, now that s...

After her first day volunteering as an archaeological technician at The President’s House in Philadelphia, author Elizabeth Mosier ended up spending seven years exploring meaning behind the artifacts she found and cared for. Her memoir, Excavating Memory: Archaeology and Home is about how that training prepared her to piece together her own family’s history while she cleaned our her childhood home...

“There is an unusualness to being connected to my spouse’s ex, and I’m sure it’s odd to be connected to your ex’s spouse.” Such is the wordplay of Mike Zarin, who sits down with his new wife and the guy she married way back in the 1900s to talk about how the first of what became a daily phone-call regimen began with the word “moist.” It turns out that this romance almost never happened, given Mike...

Note: This episode includes frank discussions about people who were murdered by Nazis during the Holocaust, and we recorded it before the brutal and disgusting attacks in Israel. We find Jennifer's work to be life-affirming, but in light of last weekend’s atrocities, we understand if you need to postpone listening in order to protect your heart. Jennifer Mendelsohn was a freelance journalist when...

A lot has happened since Karen Walrond published The Lightmaker’s Manifesto in 2021. For one, we’ve all aged—which is nothing new. We’ve been doing that since the day we arrived. It’s just at this point in our midlives that we seem to notice it more. Karen’s research in her new book, Radiant Rebellion , establishes that we’ve been trained to fear getting older since our mid-20s, mostly to replenis...

There was actually a lot to check in on this week, Magda’s last before her wedding on Sunday. Stress and decisions and the usual last-minute organizational mishegoss have so frazzled the bride-to-be that she’s immersed herself in more Duggar skul-Duggery in order to seem less insane. And Doug is back from nine days and 1,400 miles around the Four Corners, with no keyboards, no wi-fi, and nowhere t...

How far through the Looking Glass have we fallen when a billionaire threatens to sue the Anti-Defamation League for defamation? Religious studies professor Eric Mazur says it’s not as far as you might think, because scapegoating Jews for the world’s ills has been around forever. The real change is how the age of hyper-information has brought these stories before a larger, non-Jewish audience. Eric...

When you’re reading (or watching) Fleishman is in Trouble , you may be grappling with existential questions about the many stages of divorce. We’re long onto on the other side of it, and now we’re entering the newest stage, where we discuss old-person ailments, vitamin supplements, and body disposal. Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our...

When Wendi Aarons ’s first son was born, she never anticipated having to caution him against living in an L.A. rap mansion. She didn’t figure on raising her kids in the oppressive heat (and politics) of Texas, next to this guy . And she never thought her writing would be subject to a “sensitivity review.” But she’s used it all to inspire an impressive and diverse career as author of I’m Wearing Tu...

For once, Magda has a reason to be thankful for overcast humidity, in contrast to the all-too-perfect autumn weather that many New Yorkers associate with 9/11. We talk about the vexing disillusion of those months after the towers fell, and how a doctor Magda knew felt the same way as a teenager after Pearl Harbor was attacked. We also remember the strangely large number of people we know who had r...

There’s a whole cohort of full-fledged, 21-year-old adults—including many of our generation’s children—who were born after 9/11. And when you talk to them about that day, they can’t grasp how little we knew as it was happening, because somehow we existed at a time without a constant barrage of news alerts. Two months after the attacks, then-CNN producer Alex Walker wrote this piece about his exper...

We were predictably discombobulated to have a Monday Check-In on a day that doesn’t feel like a Monday. Magda genuinely thought today was Sunday Again, which would be a watershed moment toward establishing a four-day work week and pumping the brakes on this country’s untenable workaholism. Labor Day is not for laboring, dammit! Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid...

Perhaps unsurprisingly, our conversation with our first Canadian guest began with a lot of head scratching over American “healthcare.” But Stewart Reynolds — a.k.a. Brittlestar — doesn’t fluster easily, having embraced the “freedom and absolute terror” of supporting his family as an online creative since he began from literally nothing ten years ago. That’s how he manages to pack his videos, his S...

Welcome to our first Monday Check-In that’s actually a check-in! Magda has made it to Massachusetts after 12 hours with a cat who refused to succumb to gabapentin and peep-whined all along the New York Thruway, where there are fewer functioning toilets than usual. Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Subscribe for free to receive our three posts per week and support our cat pictures. The...

It’s our last check-in while living in the same state, and our son has marked the occasion by buying a purple truck. Friends have suggested names including Hendrix, Darling Nikki, and Professor Plum, but he’ll need some time behind the wheel before the final decision is made. Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! This post is public, so please tell the world about our son’s new wheels. We...

“If you’ve seen one person with dementia, you’ve seen one person with dementia.” Emily Gavin is an occupational therapist who has counseled caregivers of people living with dementia since 2012. There are over 100 different diagnoses of dementia, which affects over 55 million people worldwide , and each case is different—as the 11 million unpaid caregivers in the U.S. alone find out every day. So E...

These are heady times for the two households, as Magda readies for her big move by attempting to order the drifts of her personal debris, and Doug is effecting his own personal reset by staging a Sympathy Move. So, naturally, we talk about our stuff—how much we’ve amassed, how little we need, and how things go missing, either when they’re lost in transit—or when they are not. (Cue suspenseful musi...

Pastor Emily Swan comes from Low Church. She doesn’t disrespect the “smells and bells,” but she sees more value in building an accessible, judgment-free community while preaching in jeans and Birkenstocks. She also knows the dangers of imposed uniformity of thought, having been fired from her previous pulpit for being gay. As the face of Blue Ocean Church , Emily uses her training as a history pro...

After we’ve lived in proximity since 1996, Magda is moving 12 hours away at the end of the month. So we’ve decided to set up a weekly check-in for 10-15 (ok, 20) minutes every Monday, just to talk business, compare notes on the boys, and just bounce ideas off each other like we’ve done basically since Clinton was president. And thanks to modern technology, you have a front-row seat to witness just...

If you’re a certain age and have the motive and opportunity for a life change but aren’t sure where and how to jump, Ann Imig has studied some data-driven techniques for getting unstuck. After careers in theater, writing, and ad sales led her to create Listen To Your Mother , Ann finally realized a long-held desire, marshaled her diverse skill set and MSW degree, and became a career and life coach...

Whether she’s evaluating her emotional state or her career path, Christine Koh thrives on data. And soon after her 31st birthday, the data told her something needed to change. She had just had her first child, her dad was dying, and her work as a music and brain scientist was exhausting and lacked fulfillment. So she decided to upend three decades as “a good Asian who didn’t make noise” and pursue...

Last Labor Day Weekend, the car Jodie Ousley was riding in was rear-ended by another doing 120mph. Her car flipped eight or nine times across the highway, and Jodie, riding in “the death seat,” sustained catastrophic injuries from noggin to kneecap. (Note to the squeamish: Don’t do a web search for “degloving.”) She scoffed a bit when doctors told her it would be at least a year before she felt ev...

This week, Episode 8 drops a little later in the day. But it’s worth it, because this is our first Extended-Cut episode, featuring over 45 minutes of bonus dialogue! We laughed so much with Tiffany and “R.B.” that there were too many great moments to choose from. So we said, “the hell with it!” and left them all in. We also needed the extra length to cover the extraordinary scope of their story. T...

As director of the University Center for Child and Family , Dr. Erin Hunter provides and oversees clinical mental health services for many teens and young adults who are poised on the launch pad but can’t seem to lift off. The phenomenon had been accelerating for the last 15-20 years, spurred by stagnant wages, dwindling prospects, moving targets, academic pressures, and wobbly social contracts. T...

Asha Dornfest is one of those special OG blogger friends who went on to provide real-life support in both of our real-life lives. You can tell from her writing that she has one of those minds you can trust your troubles to. That community-building mind created Parent Hacks and co-created the Edit Your Life podcast with Christine Koh , and her third act is Parent of Adults , a Substack newsletter a...