Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's

After careful consideration, I have decided not to run for president of the United States, and I contact my journalist colleagues to let them know why.

Upon further review and contact from the KFC corporation's legal team, I issue some retractions and clarifications about statements I made concerning the KFC Chizza.

As KFC is poised to introduce a monstrous chicken/pizza hybrid product called the Chizza, I arrange to care for the poor victims who may be affected.

I go undercover to investigate the mysterious success of McDonald's Italy's pizza-like novelty called the panzerotti.

I tell the tale of my visit to The View and the unfortunate encounter I had with Ms. Whoopi Goldberg.

On the anniversary of the publication of the second edition of my board game, I suffer a medical emergency while comparing my game to a popular competitor called Monopoly.

I incorporate a new company, Panoply Polling (a wholly owned subsidiary of Pizzaply Polling), to call people on the telephone and ask their opinions of McDonald's Pizza.

At the risk of exposing personal details about the health of my bodily person, I reveal the reason why this episode of the program was delayed.

On my paranormal-themed sub-podcast Crust to Crust AM, I investigate the connection between McDonald's experimental new beverage restaurant CosMc's and extraterrestrials from outer space.

On this special Christmas edition of the program, I debut a new poem about celebrating the birthday of Christ Ben-David while living in New York City.

I interview one highly qualified candidate and one slightly less qualified candidate to be my new unpaid intern in charge of the McDonald's Pizza misinformation "beat".

After being treated rudely by my colleagues in legacy media, I seek revenge by lodging an official complaint.

In this first of a special two-part episode(s), my search for an unpaid intern to help me cover the McDonald's Pizza misinformation "beat" ends in utter rudeness from my respected colleagues.

On this day of Thanksgiving, I have trouble giving thanks to Postmates, who delivered my turkey in sub-optimal condition.

I offer the United Nations my plan to end all wars if they agree to my terms re: McDonald's Pizza.

In an effort to gain leverage over the McDonald's Corporation, I endeavor to supply them with cheap sawdust for use in their hamburger patties.

On a special Halloween edition of the program, I seek spiritual/technical support for my malfunctioning Ouija board.

I am forced to travel far from home to investigate whether Taylor Swift dresses as Ronald McDonald's in her new motion picture. In the process, I befriend a fellow "journo" there to experience the experience himself.

While visiting a famous painting of a woman in gold, I was surprised to discover the galerie offered no information about this painting's relation to the McDonald's Golden Arches.

Upon learning a certain social media mogul might want to use my book to train his artificial intelligence, I endeavor to ban him from purchasing said book at his local bookseller.

Concerned about who will inherit my investigative journalism empire, I pursue the possibility of cloning my own heir.

With McDonald's removing self-serve soda machines from their dining rooms, I call upon an expert in the art of jerking soda to explore the idea of the old-fashioned soda jerk making a return to the pubic sphere.

I am joined by my colleague, journalist Jason Koebler of 404 Media, who shares with me his reporting on the potential of hacking McDonald's McFlurry machines and other McDonald's equipment such as mainframe computers storing pizza secrets, etc.

Waning interest in superheroes means McDonald's is about to dump massive amounts of unsold Loki Season 2 branded sweet n' sour sauce into our fragile environment. I inform the authorities.

I officially announce my relocation to New York City, a.k.a. Pizza Town, USA, and set up a briefing with one of the area's top officials: the honorable Mayor Eric Adams.