Welcome to the World

Narrative, perspective, point of view, opinion, belief, story... all of these word and phrases point to the same thing: That our experience of the world is subjective, and shaped by the stories we hold about the world and our relationship to it. I'm sure you're all too aware of the way the JW story has dominated your worldview.  In today's episode, we talk about how take back control over our stor...

This episode is the first in a series of "mini" episodes entitled STRONGER.  Sometimes we get so mired down in all the heaviness around leaving the org, that we lose sight of why we left in the first place; which is to grow, explore, and experience life to the fullest. The STRONGER series will be focused on all things related to building resiliency and developing the skill set which will move us f...

Last week we came down pretty hard on all you "nice" guys and gals out there. This week, as promised, we bring some practical steps towards breaking this nasty habit, including mindfulness, saying yes to "no", saying no to "sorry", and the difference between "being nice" and kindness. 

The death spiral caused by people pleasing in relationships

Of all the common challenges faced by ex-JWs, people pleasing is at the number one spot for most universal. We can't help ourselves. We have been wired in every way imaginable towards having this disposition. And lets be honest... it sucks It's corrosive to our sense of well being, to our confidence, and extremely detrimental to our relationships. In part one of this two-part episode, we take a lo...

As ex-JWs, we have our work cut out for us in terms of healing. From leaving the org, to connecting with our true self, redefining our spiritual beliefs, rebuilding our community... the list goes on. All of this is even more challenging in light of the fact that we haven't really been taught how to approach self-directed growth. Today, we break away from the more granular topics we normally focus...

So you've finally reached the end of your rope. Despite all your best efforts to maintain the status quo and fly under the radar, you've reached a point where you just can't do it anymore. The pain and discomfort of hiding your true feelings has finally grown larger than your fear of leaving the organization. While this is an empowering, momentous first step towards living a fuller, more fulfillin...

There was a time in my life when I rolled my eyes at the idea of therapy. It seemed ridiculous that simply talking with someone could ever lead to any kind of real change or improvement to my life experience. I'm delighted to report that I was very, very wrong about that assessment.  Today's episode is a bit of love letter to therapy. We talk about what is therapy, what it is not, how it can be he...

Following up on the very positive response we received from part 1, in this episode we elaborate on these ideas around setting boundaries, and cover: Knowing when to set boundaries Different ways of speaking our boundaries and helpful phrases to use How to handle it when setting boundaries doesn't go as smoothly as we'd like And finally, how to put all these things into practice using practical ex...

To most ex-JWs, especially those newly out, the idea of boundaries is a foreign concept. Because, for the most part, boundaries don't exist within the organization. The idea of saying "no" "that doesn't feel good" or "please don't do that" are not really in our vocabulary, and we've been programmed to think that using those phrases makes us a bad person in some way.   In today's episode, we blow t...

Waking up from the org can be a lonely adventure, and even more so when those in your immediate family are determined to stay asleep In response to fan requests, today's episode will be devoted to discussing how to navigate this dynamic, and some questions to consider which will help determine how to move forward. In part 1 we will discuss the best approach for coming out to your spouse In part 2...

Waking up from the org can be a lonely adventure, and even more so when those in your immediate family are determined to stay asleep In response to fan requests, today's episode will be devoted to discussing how to navigate this dynamic, and some questions to consider which will help determine how to move forward. In part 1 we will discuss the best approach for coming out to your spouse In part 2...

How many times have we heard that "God is love"? In this episode we challenge that idea. In part 1, we spend some time breaking down challenging that claim based on what we know about god from the bible. In part 2, we will spend some time thinking about what a loving god might actually look like and play with the idea of what life might be like if we allowed ourselves to procede "as if" such a lov...

How many times have we heard that "God is love"? In this episode we challenge that idea. In part 1, we spend some time breaking down challenging that claim based on what we know about god from the bible. In part 2, we will spend some time thinking about what a loving god might actually look like and play with the idea of what life might be like if we allowed ourselves to procede "as if" such a lov...

(This is part 2 of this episode) Most of us carry some version of the harsh inner critic. And why wouldn't we? All we have been told by the org is that we have been born bad, we can never do enough and that kindness from god is "undeserved". This abusive voice tends to dominate, interfering with our ability thrive and enjoy our lives. In this episode, we explore the nature of this voice, and what...

Most of us carry some version of the harsh inner critic. And why wouldn't we? All we have been told by the org is that we have been born bad, we can never do enough and that kindness from god is "undeserved". This abusive voice tends to dominate, interfering with our ability thrive and enjoy our lives. In this episode, we explore the nature of this voice, and what we can do to empower ourselves, r...

One of the more common fears I hear about from my clients is that they will unwittingly fall victim to another group or organization that doesn't have their best interests at heart. Because of this, they have trouble opening themselves up to new ideas or engaging with group situations. In this episode, we discuss the reasons why this fear is misplaced, how it can limit us from having experiences t...

Loss of family and friends is one of the most painful aspects of leaving the org. Most of us will do anything in order to maintain those ties. But sometimes the lengths we go to keep those connections does us more harm than good. In this episode, we explore whether these ties are worth cutting or keeping, and how we might go about severing these connections if we decide that is in our best interes...

Loss of family and friends is one of the most painful aspects of leaving the org. Most of us will do anything in order to maintain those ties. But sometimes the lengths we go to keep those connections does us more harm than good. In this episode, we explore whether these ties are worth cutting or keeping, and how we might go about severing these connections if we decide that is in our best interes...

Most of us have a negative association with the word "faith". To those of us who have escaped from high control religions, the word "faith" implies blind allegiance to a harmful belief systems that creates division and doesn't hold up to the slightest scrutiny. Today, we redefine and reclaim the word faith, and talk about the importance of cultivating your own personal belief system; one which wil...

What's better than waking up from the org? Waking and taking your friends and family with you.  Sadly, this is easier said, and almost never done. In this episode we talk about the psychological mechanisms which keep people asleep, as well as a few ideas for those bold enough to try (please be warned though, in my experience it is nearly impossible)

Sharing our story, of the ways in which we have been hurt by this organization, and our grief over challenges it has created for us is an essential part of our healing process. But sometimes, we can get a little stuck in this stage of development, and not infrequently the story we are repeating is one that perpetuates the idea that we are forever damaged, or "broken" This episode, we deconstruct t...

Black and white, right and wrong, good and bad... This is how JWs approach the world, and it creates a real problem for those of us who enter into the world with this rigid dualistic mindset. Forget black and white. Today we learn to live in color

Black and white, right and wrong, good and bad... This is how JWs approach the world, and it creates a real problem for those of us who enter into the world with this rigid dualistic mindset. Forget black and white. Today we learn to live in color