Welcome To The Suburbs

Greg buys a 100 year old cider press and sustains a lingering injury in the non contact activity of making apple cider. The injury has him searching through their linen closet, Keely’s vault for lotions, ointments and pills. He’d bleed out before finding a bandaid.  Greg’s injury leads to a conversation where he talks about a dermatology appointment where the casually dressed doctor was more inter...

So how many times do you think you’ve been pulled over, 100? That was Andy’s question to me after I described the many times and reasons that I’ve been pulled over by conservation officers. It’s over 20. Throw in random traffic stops, the total is closer to fifty. It’s been a running joke in my family since my high school days. I’m not careless. It’s some type of karmic debt. My friends alway had...

I’m not sure why we named this episode, Episode 13. People are a little freaky about number 13.  I’m not superstitious, Andy isn’t either. But hotels don’t have a 13th floor.  Since we stayed with the number maybe we should release it on Friday instead of Monday.  Maybe we should name it Rhode Island in honor of the 13th state rather than giving it a number.  In Greek Mythology Zeus was the 13th a...

Shout out to Boardman, Oregon! Andy helps Greg find the humor in caring for his mom as she slips further into dementia. How she gets lost in her shirt as she puts it on, thinks the stairs in her home lead to a secret passage, and her sudden love for the 70’s band Foreigner leave the guys with tears of laughter.  Andy has a portfolio of signs to remind himself that the soldering iron is on or the b...

What happens when you give a dementia patient meds in a pill container with Monday-Sunday compartments?  They forget they took the pills, what day it is, and if it’s night or morning. So they eat all of them at once like they’re jelly beans.  Greg’s family tries 3 versions of the same method. All 3 result in their mom eating all of the meds at once. Sweet irony that the definition of insanity is b...

Greg’s neighbor tries numerous high  pressure tactics to get him to join her folk music zoom group.  Meanwhile her husband retired without realizing the implications of being around her 24/7. Now he can be seen walking  the neighborhood day and night. Maybe it’s folk music overload.  Andy’s friend serenades memory patients with an accordion the results were miraculously hilarious.  www.suburbspodc...

Andy and I are from Indianapolis, home of the Indy 500. It’s the largest single day sporting event in the world. When Greg started going back in the 70’s the infield was like a combination of Marci Gras, Woodstock and The Rolling Stones,Altamonte Speedway concert.  Andy’s friend bought a van for $500, built a platform on top with huge speakers. Maybe they drove it home. Maybe they didn’t. It was a...

Greg and Keely celebrate their 33rd anniversary together, a wedding that almost didn’t happen because the minister  caught wind that Keely was married and divorced in college. The same minister baptized Greg’s grandad in his swimming pool.  Andy wants to give up going to church for Lent.  Greg talks about being fired as a customer  by the little people who own the only marina on their lake. Little...

Greg’s sister tries using a pill calendar to dispense Julie’s dementia medication but she didn’t grasp date or time. So she took them all then whispered in Greg’s face with morning breath to tell on herself.  Greg’s sister calls him out on manscaping and his mom requests $2,000 from her retirement account because she wants to make sure she has enough money to buy tea if she’s at lunch.  In Episode...

With Michigan dispensaries a very short drive from Greg’s cottage in Indiana, he decides to drive up to buy some gummies. What could go wrong? He could forget his mom after dropping her off at the grocery. She could meet him in the parking lot with a basket of groceries she didn’t buy. She has dementia which is a better excuse than watermelon flavored Sativa edibles.  Andy talks about the cold chi...

Greg admits to crying in the dentist chair while having braces put on last month. It wasn’t fear, pain, or anything related to the procedure. They we’re playing Animal Planet on the monitor and he became emotional over the show, then had to explain his tears to Gary, his dentist. For Andy, it was the music In Hamilton that moved him to tears. As he was crying, his wife Jennifer was looking for Kle...

In Episode 4 of Welcome to the Suburbs: How does someone decide to do standup? For Greg it was his friend Mark White who turned him on to a George Carlin album in the second grade. At a comedy club in Fort Wayne, the Doctor of Comedy buys a new tape recorder to capture the laughs during his guest set,  Steve Harvey delivers a different diagnosis of the set. Andy laughs about his music career start...

Episode 3 of Welcome to the Suburbs Podcast: How cool would it be to work in the recording studio with one of your favorite bands. Andy talks about the surreal experience of working with Aerosmith. Coincidentally, in high school Greg was the passenger in a race between two muscle cars that turned into a police chase, with Aerosmith playing.   www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg finds out on a birthday date with his wife, that his birthday is only 6 months after his parent’s marriage. How did he not know that? He also shares the awkward tradition of his parents giving each other money rather than gifts and the guys reveal pointers of what not to say on the first date. Funny moments of life are shared in this episode of, Welcome to the Suburbs Podcast. www.suburbspodc...

Do you have that one selfish neighbor who can't get it right on trash day? In this episode of, Welcome To the Suburbs, Greg mocks and Andy collaborates in their stories of neighbors and their selfish garbage habits. Also in this episode, what does a vanity plate say about a person, beyond the intended message? www.suburbspodcast.com