Two Open Doors

Relationship “ hierarchy ” is the notion that relationships can be compared with one another and ranked, with some being deemed more valuable or more important than others.   Sometimes, relationship hierarchy is implicit, rather than being stated explicitly; as an example, that is the case with traditional monogamous marriages.   Since hierarchical ranking involves the application of value judgmen...

Deep human connections involve the sharing of intimate details between partners: hopes, fears, dreams and plans.  The partners in such connections also open themselves to one another, to come to know one another intimately.  That requires a willingness to make oneself vulnerable to one’s partner.  In this episode, we’ll explore the role that attachment plays in intimate relationships. Dr. Claude C...

 | In our prior post, we explored the notion of “spiritual” connection, noting that such a connection can be soul-deep.  We cited the central role of spiritual connection in some ancient spiritual practices, such as tantra.  We noted that such profound connections take us out of our “normal” daily space, and that they do so by creating a “sacred space” in which partners can slow down and be fully...

In this post, we’ll explore the essence of deep human connection: what it is, and how it works.  We’ll also consider the relationship between deep connection and spiritual practices that address the embodiment of that connection, such as tantra. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Stu...

In our recent post about pleasure, we focused on the special role that touch plays as a vehicle for pleasure.  Along with the other senses, touch provides the basis for living an “Epicurean” life, in which pleasure brings us physical, emotional and mental health, and a deeply satisfying life.  In this post, we’ll look at pleasure through a different lens: that of “forbidden” pleasure. Dr. Claude C...

In recent posts, we’ve taken a look at two of the things that can focus us on the negative side of the sexual “ledger”: the prevalence of many misunderstandings about sex, and the occurrence of a number of disorders that can detract from our sexual experiences.  In this post, we’ll focus on a very positive aspect of sex: its role as a portal to human pleasure. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and...

In our most recent post, we took a look at some of the (many) misconceptions that prevail in our society, regarding sexuality and gender.  In this post, we’ll examine another area of confusion and misunderstanding: information about the range of issues that can arise in the areas of sexuality and sensuality.  Perhaps better understanding can offer more relief and peace of mind. Dr. Claude Cruz is...

Our society is rife with misinformation and lack of information regarding sex--- sometimes as a result of a social agenda that is intended to maintain a taboo around sex.  This can be very damaging, for a variety of reasons:  avoidable occurrence of unwanted pregnancies; contracting and mismanagement of sexually-transmitted infections (STIs); debilitating shame and anxiety around the experience of...

Now that we’ve taken a look at the sexual response cycle, or SRC, we know that a sexual experience involves far more than physical hydraulics and mechanics.  For us humans, sex is fabulous and sometimes fanciful adult playground that engages not only our bodies, but also our minds, emotions and spirit. Prior attempts to understand human sexuality have focused on specific aspects of that experience...

Sex holds many surprises and puzzles, for most (or all) of us humans.   At times, it’s the source of the most sublime and satisfying experiences that we can undergo--- while at other times, it can plunge us into the depths of disappointment and questioning of ourselves.  Sex is a central force in our lives, and it’s a key ingredient in the realm of deep personal connections.  As such, it’s worth k...

Body image is a term that describes how we see our own body, and how we feel about it.  Since our body is the part of us that others see directly, our body image has a direct bearing on attracting other people into wanting to establish a relationship with us.  Conversely, our body image can present a deterrent to being approached by others.  In this post, we’ll explore the concept of body image, i...

Our senses are the channels that connect our body to our world.  It’s easy to miss how varied and how rich our sensory experiences are.  We have more than the traditional “five” senses, and all of them have a role to play in shaping our experiences. In this post, we’ll consider our various senses, and we’ll explore what we can do to fully experience and appreciate how they connect us with our worl...

Many of us grew up in a society in which we humans come in one of two “flavors” (or “ genders ”):  male , or female .  Over time, a menagerie of new gender-related terms arose, describing things such as “ orientation ”, “ identity ” or “ expression ”.  These are often defined or used imprecisely. Sex and gender are important facets of the personal identities that we bring to our relationships.  In...

In this episode, we’ll be taking a look at the science of sexology: a bit of its history and philosophical tradition, the sweep of its technical coverage, and why it’s an important discipline with much relevance to our achieving the contentment and satisfaction that can come with deep human connections.  We’ll also touch on some of the reasons that sexology is still viewed as a controversial field...

In this episode, we focus on pleasure:  what it is, how it works, and how it has impact on our lives.  We take a look at how social perspectives on pleasure have evolved in Western societies, especially considering how religion and social institutions can shape our sexual beliefs and behaviors.  We consider three different perspectives on sexuality:  that of the science of sexology; that of how po...

In this episode, we examine the role of pleasure in our life, and we prepare to take Two Open Doors into some new terrain:  an exploration of sensuality and sexuality .  We’ll describe the Two Open Doors approach to discussing these sometimes-charged topics, and Claude will describe his background and philosophy in addressing these.  In the bulk of this episode, we’ll use the Emotional-Physical-Me...

If we want to have a deep relationship with another person, we need to ensure that our “door” to relationship is open to them--- and that our partner’s “door” is open to us.  Here, we look at some of the things that can cause our “door” to close, and we consider how we can change those things.  We examine two factors that are required for the partners in a relationship to have “two open doors” bet...

The EMP ( Emotional-Mental-Physical ) model was developed to describe the complex interactions that occur in the course of a person’s having a sexual experience.  Such experiences involve a person’s body , emotions and conscious mind .  EMP can be extended to describe how relationships operate in general, not just how sexual experiences play out. In the previous post, we explored the “Physical” or...

As we’ve heard in earlier episodes, deep human connection has many facets.  Here, we begin to explore a model of human relationships that covers all three categories of close human connection: our sensual , sexual and intimate behaviors.  We’ll see how the multi-layer EMP model can provide insights into how we can nurture the physiological, emotional and mental facets of our close relationships. ...

In popular media and discussions, the terms “sensuality”, “sexuality” and “intimacy” are often used interchangeably, or are otherwise confused.  Here, we explore how each of these is a different facet of human relationship, and we examine how they’re related.  We find that there is good reason to give each of these concepts its proper place; they’re all distinct and important parts of human relati...

In earlier episodes of this podcast, we’ve examined some aspects of the nature of love, and of attachment.  In this episode, we consider the idea of “unconditional” love.  We take a look at what that might mean, and we then consider whether adult humans are likely to be capable of giving unconditional love to others.  In passing, we also consider how attachment and commitment might fit into loving...

Our attachment style is one important part of the foundation on which we build all of our adult relationships.  Attachment affects our capacity for creating deep human connections.  Such connections include two distinct, comparably-important elements: a deep emotional connection that allows us to know and open to one another; and a physical connection that lets us share the simple but sublime gift...

In Episode 3, we explored the nature of human relationship, and focused on how “emotional” relationships work.  We noted that the developmental-psychology framework provided by “attachment theory” gives us valuable clues about how we’ve learned to relate to others. In this episode, we dig further, to unearth the four “styles” of childhood attachment, and the corresponding four styles of adult atta...

Two Open Doors is all about human relationship--- but we haven’t yet taken a look at what relationship is .  In this post, we consider two very different kinds of relationships: “ transactional ” ones, and what we’ll call “ emotional ” ones.  Our spotlight here is on emotional relationships.  We also consider how it is that we learn to relate to others--- since we’re not born with that capacity. ...

If we aspire to have satisfying and healthy relationships with others, our foundation will be to first have a good relationship with ourselves .  That requires that we have solid self-knowledge : an understanding of who we are , as well as how we act .  The first focuses inward, on things such as what we value and what we believe.  The second focuses outward, to describe how we treat others, and h...