Two Nosy Meerkats

Gabby starts off guns blazing with a tale of heavy bleeding during Mission Impossible 3. Lukas reminisces on a French teacher haunted by phantom voices. Both analyze the desperation in their political emails and get into the f****d up ways the reality TV they love most is doctored. Listener submissions go from compatibility issues to furries, which the 'kats are told to “not just Google” and end u...

Comedian and writer extraordinaire Gus Constantellis comes to spill some (occasionally bleeped for NDA purposes) tea with Mom and Papa Meerkat! Gus talks writing on TV reboots, resonating with Greek-Americans on Tik Tok, and why he hates being called “pocket-sized.” The meerkats get inspired by Gus’s stories of being fearless while writing and making content, even as he and Lukas leave Gabby and h...

Your meerkats are joined this week by comedian, writer, and tall person Nick Cohen! Nick has questions about Tik Tok that only Lukas can answer. It’s unclear if Gabby knows what dementia is. Listeners bring an explanation of an infamous poem from last week (finally!), a question on gift-giving, some fun would you rathers, and a brand new term — “vaxhole.” Nick, Gabby, and Lukas reminisce on produc...

The meerkats return with one of their faves, comedian and writer Vannessa Jackson! Together, they discuss the mechanics of sliding into DMs and analyze the psyche of a young internet troll. Vannessa relates to Chrissy Teigen only insofar as agreeing one’s ultimate goal in life should be to get off of Twitter. They also cover the flat earth and mermaid conspiracy theories (aka Aquafarians) and read...

Your Meerkats talk this week with singer-songwriter, actress, and Tik Tok SEN-SHA-SHON Bailey Grey! Bailey & Gabby recover from their One Direction era. Lukas corrects Gabby’s British pronunciation and once again extols the virtues of a bidet. All three yearn for a … slightly modified version of Dear Evan Hansen. Listeners write in, including possibly Melania Trump, with horse phobias, invasions o...

A solo episode with your meerkats today as Lukas and Gabby discuss the recent interview with Harry and Meghan in conversation with Oprah. Listen to them attempt to use codenames but quickly abandon the effort as they read between the lines of the interview. Lukas recounts his own experiences as someone from a mixed-race family, Gabby relates the immigrant experience to Princess Diana’s, and both o...

The meerkats interview none other than the woman who taught them both about stand-up comedy: the amazing comic and teacher Linda Smith! Linda talks starting out in Boston, hacking it in the 80s and 90s as a woman in comedy, and the perils/benefits of dating other comics. One listener buries the lede hard with a story about Mormonism and unrequited love, and another brings tales of a friend who see...

Josh, Lukas’s close friend, is dating an older woman with a young kid. Melissa, a hilarious NYC comedian, happens to be in a loving polycule. María, Gabby’s high school sweetheart (!!) has been in all kinds of relationships, all overlapping since 2013. On this very special ep, Lukas and Gabby interview each of these amazing people and answer everything from how their relationships have changed the...

The meerkats get existential this week with filmmaker and Gabby’s ex-roommate, Pat Heywood! Pat talks meditation, the process of writing a good movie, and what it’s like growing up with 17 cats in your house.  The Buddhist principle of Wu Wei is compared to the infamous late-2000s concept of “The Game.” Gabby, Lukas, and Pat tackle a listener’s inner war against pregnant toes and another’s wild fa...

The Meerkats immediately get roasted by their guest, Tik Tok sensation Charlotte Moore, over their mutual blind spot on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Gabby gets yelled at for self-deprecating and Lukas learns about the mysteries of Bachelor Nation. Charlotte expands on her knowledge of slug sex (they could self-fertilize but choose not to — powerful!). One listener details an unusual fetish/phobia...

Comedian and friend of the pod Divya joins the meerkats in a conversation that quickly devolves into which cheese would make the best bed spread, and into whether George Orwell produced or wrote for Britney Spears. Divya dishes an early work horror story, Gabby details an early obsession with Quiznos and Lukas submits a Raya profile, live. Listeners divulge a fear of pooping their pants and a harr...

We’ve made it and no one died!! The meerkats finally learn who Marjorie Taylor Greene is, and Lukas gives us his pitch, made famous on Tik Tok, for locking Trump alone in a room and giving him a bop it. The first ever live drinking game between the hosts occurs on the pod with shots of tequila and Skrewball underscoring Would You Rather. One listener *close* to Gabby exposes her fear of having her...

This week, comedian and burgeoning stonk expert Bo Ballew talks to the meerkats about the wild events of January 2021 so far. Lukas gushes over the UK royal family, Gabby pees mid-recording, and Bo circles back on the current life of Rachel Dolezal. Listeners bring Bo, Lukas, and Gabby stories of too many dogs in one house, lucid dreams, and fears around squirting.   Follow Bo! - @boboballew   Tik...

The meerkats welcome comedian extraordinaire Espi Rivadeneira to the pod! Lukas fangirls over Espi’s hilarious material, and Gabby bonds with her over their shared method of writing — talking out loud, going so far as to have fake phone conversations on the street as a way to sneakily rehearse. They discuss Espi's time as a teacher, sobriety, COVID recovery, and bringing humor to dark sh*t. Today’...

This week, the meerkats help comedian friend of the pod, Zach Khandakji, conceive a hot new dating app even Shark Tank couldn’t refuse — “Terrible for You,” marketed to people who go for only the worst in potential lovers. Gabby, Lukas, and Zach cover “Bean Dad,” Hilaria Baldwin, and the raid on the Capitol. A brief room tour reveals that at home, Zach’s bedroom doubles as his dad’s office, and on...

As the meerkats waited for their guest, the comedian and Twitter sensation Kristopher Thomas, to arise from his slumber, Gabby reveals her straight-girl behaviors, and Lukas meets the inventor of headphones. Kristopher talks transitioning in quarantine, meeting his super hot girlfriend online, and the “at capacity” copypasta. Another comedian friend writes in about a man who wants to cut off a key...

The meerkats go solo this week while Lukas hangs out with Big Ben in London. They discuss high school (AGAIN, because it never leaves you!), fears of personal intrusion, and means, medians and modes. A listener navigates the strange land of Tik Tok thirst traps, while another struggles with whether to send a notes app confession.    TikTok: @lukastarnold   @hipsoccermom Instagram: @twonosymeerkats...

Delightful as ever is the Meerkats' friend and adorable guest, Matt Albino! Matt, Gabby’s husband of 18 years (it’s true, don’t fact-check it) brings us into his childhood watching the 1994 classic Baby’s Day Out. He regales Lukas and Gabby with a wild tale of his first experience trying comedy, populated by only the host and a Borat impersonator. The first “Legal Gossip” segment comes to the pod,...

At long last, the meerkats welcome long-time friends and comedians Lee Lan and Maxim Allen, who coincidentally happen to be the first heterosexual guests EVER to grace the pod! The gang agonizes over the tragic lack of Ru Paul and Drag Race's flair on “Love Is Blind.” Lee runs us through her various revenge plots, and Maxim describes winning an infamous college competition. All agree that frat bro...

What a blast the meerkats had getting accidentally red-pilled with dear friend Aran Abilock Clemmons! Aran divulges on a childhood of getting called “mature for his age” (gay!), helping Lukas realize just how many adults thought he was gay as a child, too.  Conspiracies abound as Lukas recounts lies from his anti-vaxxer dad, Gabby shows her true colors on women in the workplace, and Aran tells us...

The meerkats return and bring fellow comedian, Dan Frank, into the fold. Priding themselves on the educational nature of the pod, you will learn how to woo Dan, how “romantic” dreams tend to be with people who antagonize us, the benefits of sanitation work, the joy of one-upping bad teachers. Dan also helps the meerkats make sense of a story of broken communication between friends, and everyone en...

Just one day before the election was called, Lukas and Gabby try to do a “serious episode” about their loved ones’ personal brushes with COVID and end up mostly talking about Tiffany Trump’s butthole instead - as your meerkats would! Diversions also include #savebarron, vivid political dreams, and celebrities Lukas and Gabby are going to outlive. New audience submission form up next week — in the...

Comedian/actress/writer/self-proclaimed 75 year old woman Sheria Mattis joins Mom and Pop Meerkat this week! We knew you wanted three very silly comedians to discuss QAnon, early 2000s lesbian culture, MySpace mishaps, cults, and Black female representation in media in the same hour, and this episode has it all. Lukas wants to be pregnant (obviously true) and Gabby thinks she’s rich because she ow...

Please welcome the multitalented Zubi Ahmed to the podcast! Zubi is a comedian, filmmaker, and co-host of the show "Kutti Gang", which features women and LGBTQ+ comedians in the South Asian community. Together, she and the Meerkats reminisce on growing up in New York City, from sleepover culture to warnings of gangs interrupting middle school parties. Zubi also tells Gabby and Lukas the consequenc...

Please welcome to the pod our beautiful, handsome skincare expert and yes, also comedian, Alex Kim! Alex, Gabby, and Lukas share their trials and tribulations of trying to make it in NYC comedy while performing at and hosting open mics. Alex takes us through his coming out story, pet peeves, and church retreat debates over the existence of gay giraffes. Gabby brings us back to her Birthright days...