Two Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug Overdose

We wrap up a year(ish) of weekly episodes and decide to move to a new schedule. 

When we are able to see things differently....

Sometimes our old defences rise up when we have unexpected encounters. In this episode, DeAnne and Astrid talk about what happens when something occurs for which we're unprepared. Can we offer ourselves compassion when we fail to meet our own expectations? 

Can we grow our empathy for ourselves when we consciously revisit what causes us pain? Is it possible to reframe our pain into something else? How do we practice this? We discuss.

Are we sad or are we depressed? Is there a difference?  Sometimes we feel like we need a different kind of help.  In this episode, DeAnne brings up the topic of depression and Astrid talks about her ketamine experience. 

What now, after a loss like this? How do we find purpose and meaning in our everyday lives? We need that connection - to be seen and heard. 

Sometimes we find ourselves revisiting the early days of grief. What do we remember about those early days? How far have we come from there? What are the things that trigger those memories? We discuss. 

In addition to our children, what else have we lost in the aftermath of their deaths? Have we gained anything? Does hope have anywhere to land in our lives after this?

Both DeAnne and Astrid experienced physical changes they chalked up to grief. In early grief especially, it can be hard to differentiate between the changes we go through. Is it grief or something else? We change in other ways, too. DeAnne brings up empathy - how we have changed in response to others. Turns out we don't look at people in the same way, now. We allow others more latitude. And m...

How do you find your people? Are there people out there like us and like you? We KNOW there are. How do we find them?

In this episode, DeAnne and Astrid discuss food and grief. What associations do we have between our children who are gone and any foods they might have loved? Do we still make those things?  The conversation segues into a discussion about the things we stop doing because we associate them so strongly with our dead children. 

Sometimes we need to take a break from the work of grief. When your child dies from a drug overdose, the work can be endless. In the end, the timing of our work is our own, the pace is our own. We do what we can, when we can. 

A chance encounter can rock your world. Astrid talks about a recent encounter she had at the grocery store with the mother of the girl her son loved. 

After a few minutes of the last dregs of Christmas talk, Astrid and DeAnne discuss the fact that what has been known to us as Complicated Grief has undergone a name change to Prolonged Grief Disorder. Are we disordered?  When your child dies from a drug overdose, that grief is complicated. There's no way it CAN'T be complicated. But is it a disorder? We discuss. 

Each holiday season will be different. This year, both of us experienced Christmas differently than we had before. It was "better," a shift had occurred, and at the same time letting go of loss is hard. 

At some point, we begin to wake up to our present surroundings. Maybe we realize we want a new top, or want to change the way our furniture is arranged. When we wake up to our surroundings, is it a sign of re-entry into the world? An acknowledgment that life really does go on?  Nothing about grief ever goes in a straight line, but when a shift takes place it can be impactful. 

What are some things we can do to lighten the load of grief after a death by overdose? We talk about some of the experiences that have helped us shift our response to our children's deaths.  Getting unstuck is an adjustment. We become accustomed to despair, and when that shifts, or we move out of it a little bit, we need to readjust to a new way of thinking about our children and ourselves.

DeAnne and Astrid discuss how their Thanksgivings went.  A theme that came up - how do you know when it's time to make a change? We get so ingrained in our habits that sometimes it doesn't occur to us that we can stop doing the things we've always done. Because we want to! In the discussion of revisiting old patterns and ways of doing things, we also talk about what it means to let...

When you experience a devastating loss, friendships can change. Sometimes for the worse, and sometimes for the better. In this episode, Astrid brings her friend Stacey on to talk about how their friendship has changed since the death of her son. 

One of the things I miss most is my sense of connection to my son. I lost it when he died, and now I'm always looking for ways to reconnect. Do you, too?  In this episode, Astrid and Kevin discuss different means of connecting to their son - the things they've tried, what they're open to, and what has worked for them and, sometimes, not worked. What are the things you would try to f...

The title says it all.

In this episode, we discuss the benefits of "giving in." Giving in to how we feel. Giving in to the moment. Letting go of the need to get things done. Sometimes, after trauma, we go through a process of redefining what's important in our lives. Our goals are reduced. What it means to accomplish something has a different definition.  We have found that focusing on the present moment...

Neither of us is a journaler, although DeAnne recently bought a journal with good intentions. What we can attest to, though, is the power of spontaneous writing exercises to help us understand and see ourselves in different ways.  DeAnne discusses her first experience with a writing prompt, a tool many counselors use to help the ones they work with move forward on their healing journeys. Astrid al...

Kevin and Astrid continue their conversation while DeAnne is away. Kevin talks about the different ways he deals with grief, which doesn't currently include therapy. Why is that and what does he do in its place?  We talk about our current relationship and why we chose to not separate or get a divorce. 

DeAnne is out of town, so Astrid invites her husband Kevin, Garrett's dad, to sit in.  What are some of the differences in how two parents can grieve the same child? Do we see the same events differently? Kevin gives his take on the subject of an overdose death.