True Crimes Against Wine

DEFENDANT: Nicole Scherzinger   EVIDENCE: Anti-Party Red, 2019   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Walla Walla, Washington -- Our Judges sojourn to the hidden deserts of Washington, where they drunkenly discuss feminist theory, celebrity impersonations, and issue a passionate Mario Kart challenge. Rachel tricks Topher into making a shocking confession.

Our judges answer a question about wine flavors and explain how to get the most out of your wine at home.

DEFENDANT: Fergie   EVIDENCE: Ferguson Crest Red Blend "Fergalicious" 2014   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Santa Ynez Valley, CA -- Our judges find themselves trapped in the colorful but dangerous world of 90's pop groups and 2000's mainstream hip-hop as they try to navigate royal imposters, misleading band names, and where to relieve themselves.

DEFENDANT(S): Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie   EVIDENCE: Miraval Rosé   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Provence, France -- Our Judges make a return trip to sun-soaked Provence to check on their property and sip on some new evidence. Rachel flexes her ESP while munching a garlicky snack, and Topher waxes poetic about medieval esthetics. 

DEFENDANT: Sting   EVIDENCE: Il Palagio Roxanne Rosso Toscana   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Tuscany, Italy -- Our judges jaunt out to the sun-drenched hills of Tuscany, where they sample an ancient red grape, discuss family lineages, and ponder such deep questions as, "How much wine is too much?"

DEFENDANT: Lisa Vanderpump   EVIDENCE: Vanderpump Cabernet Sauvignon 2017   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA -- Our judges return to the original scene of the crime in Sonoma County to investigate the alleged crimes of a femme fatale from across the pond. Topher defends Kathy Hilton while Rachel talks about the music video career of her boobs.

DEFENDANT: John Legend   EVIDENCE: LVE Sparkling Rosé   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Cote de Beaune, France -- Bonjour! Our judges find themselves once again in beautiful France as Rachel learns how sparkling wine is made, and Topher learns the difference between a prodigy and a talented nun.

DEFENDANT: Cameron Diaz   EVIDENCE: Avaline Red Blend 2018   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Southern Rhone, France __ Our judges find themselves inexplicably at each other's throats as they taste an intriguing red blend. Rachel is enthusiastic about her love of puppets, and Topher learns to be grateful for however much wine he gets.

DEFENDANT: Jon Bon Jovi   EVIDENCE: Hampton Water Rosé 2019   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Languedoc, South of France -- Our judges are once again basking in the South of France, where Topher learns all about 80's hair bands, while Rachel dives deep into the wealth and privilege of the Hamptons.

DEFENDANT: Mary J Blige   EVIDENCE: Sun Goddess Sauvignon Blanc 2019   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Friuli Venezia Giulia, Italy -- Our Judges head to the culturally diverse, yet exclusive northeastern tip of Italy, where Topher tries his hand at songwriting and Rachel learns some dark secrets about a problematic winery...

DEFENDANT: Sarah Jessica Parker   EVIDENCE: Invovo Sauvignon Blanc 2019   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Marlborough, NZ __ Our judges jet off to the South Island of New Zealand, where they attempt to sort everyone's favorite New York gal pals into their appropriate Hogwarts Houses. Topher goes on a rap strike, and Rachel expresses very strong opinions about a LOT of subjects.

DEFENDANT: Paris Hilton   EVIDENCE: Hogwash California Rosé   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA/Beverly Hill, CA -- In this episode, our judges explore an unlikely connection. Topher learns about the early 2000's club scene, while Rachel tries in vain to educate him about female anatomy.

DEFENDANT: Highclere Castle, aka Downton Abbey   EVIDENCE: Highclere Castle London Dry Gin   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Highclere Castle grounds and estate, Hampshire, England -- In this very special episode, expert witness Andrea presents a new form of evidence to our judges. Rachel and Topher both reveal their royal connections.

DEFENDANT: Post Malone   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Provence, France   EVIDENCE: Maison No.9 Rosé 2019 -- Our judges jet to the sun soaked vineyards of coastal Provence, where Rachel delves into her dream real estate while Topher takes on Big Corporate Lavender.

DEFENDANT: Francis Ford Coppola   EVIDENCE: Sofia Rosé 2019   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Monterey Co, CA -- As our judges get into the nitty gritty of mafia-based filmdom, Rachel reveals a new secret talent involving obscure commercial trivia. Meanwhile, Topher displays an innate ability to confuse literally any movie and actor he comes across. -- ***We experienced some slight audio technical difficultie...

DEFENDANT: Snoop Dogg   EVIDENCE: 19 Crimes "Cali Red"   SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA -- Rachel asks about how wines get their color and learns to stop using food dyes, while Topher tries to navigate the confusing world of dressing professionally on the streets as a gang member.

DEFENDANT: Dave Matthews EVIDENCE: Dreaming Tree Sauvignion Blanc, 2019 SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sonoma County, CA -- Judge Topher gives a lesson on Sonoma County and breakfast wine. Judge Rachel describes her ideal service staff and sheds light on a sh*tty situation.   **PRODUCER'S NOTE** When we started this podcast, we were very green. This is especially evident in the recording quality. We got our...