Trashwatch

EPISODE 28 – THE LAST AIRBENDER   So it’s come to this: we finally sit down to talk about The Last Airbender , joined by the formerly mysterious Clayton! This week, Chris terrifies Ashley; Clayton discovers a new form of bending; Brian pitches a Blue Spirit twist; Ashley has a unique take on Yue’s hair; and Brandon quasi-redeems M. Night Shyamalan.   BTW: Stab the Moon Fish in the WHAT?!   Starrin...

EPISODE 27 – DROP DEAD GORGEOUS (ft. Christina Bianco)   The fabulous and talented Christina Bianco joins us to talk about the hilarious—if problematic—1999 dark small-town satire, Drop Dead Gorgeous ! This week, Ashley coins a new medical term; Chris conducts a pageant quiz; Brian goes full Charlie Day again; Brandon explains the appeal of tap dancing; and Christina reminisces about Dora the Expl...

EPISODE 26 – LEFT BEHIND: THE MOVIE Well, folks, Brian has thrown us into a minefield with the tragically Nicolas Cage-free Christian apocalypse thriller, Left Behind: The Movie! This week, Chris creates Kirk Cameron’s alter ego; Brandon points out a very unsettling credit; Brian gives the audience homework; and Ashley writes her own version of Dealbreakers . BTW: A Christian haunted house goes ho...

EPISODE 25 – FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR   We don’t know how he does it, but Brandon brought us yet another winner—the family sci-fi comedy psychological horror, Flight of the Navigator ! This week, Brian makes a big bet on the reboot trailer; Chris remembers a bloodthirsty hospital robot (WARNING: slightly graphic); Brandon investigates Big Al; and Ashley is sick of modernist BS.   BTW: Get pumped fo...

EPISODE 24 – TOOTH FAIRY WARNING: We spend the first several minutes talking about unpleasant experiences at the dentist. Feel free to skip to ~8:35 if needed. This week, Ashley recalls an unfortunately named dentist; Brian pitches an indie movie; Chris gets burned by Ashley; and Brandon learns the truth about public defenders. BTW: Fare thee well, Jebediah Flick! Shout-out to fellow podcast Let t...

EPISODE 23 – ALMOST HEROES   As March Mattness comes to a close, we determine once and for all who is the best Matt. Is it Damon? McConaughey? Macfadyen? Or is it Chris’s pick: Matthew Perry, who pairs up with Chris Farley in the pioneer buddy comedy Almost Heroes ! This week, Brandon finds the best place in his home for a Chris Farley painting; Chris brings us more insane stories; Brian is the ki...

EPISODE 22 – THE THREE MUSKETEERS (2011)   March Mattness drags on with Brian’s pick: Matthew Macfadyen in Paul W. S. Anderson’s 2011 opus, The Three Musketeers ! This week, Brian fumbles with his pop filter; Chris reverse engineers Shakespeare; Ashley wrecks all of our 21stbirthday stories; and Brandon keeps us apprised of Dumas BS.   BTW: Find yourself in a jam? Just add mass and velocity!   Sta...

EPISODE 21 – REIGN OF FIRE   March Mattness continues with Brandon’s entry: Matthew McConaughey in 2002’s dragon apocalypse epic, Reign of Fire! This week, Brian gets a new best way to make an entrance; Ashley hides out at the last Kinko’s; Chris finds the worst person on Amazon; and Brandon advocates eating ash.   BTW: Christian Bale stars in Rent of Fire !   Starring: Christian Bale, Matthew McC...

EPISODE 20 – STUCK ON YOU   We kick off March Mattness with Ashley’s submission: Matt Damon in the Farrelly brothers conjoined twin comedy Stuck on You! This week, Chris gets an intervention; Brandon punishes his friend with Epic Movie ; Ashley talks about the grossest line ever; and Brian just wants it to END!!!!!!!! BTW: A troubling amount of troubling cameos! Starring: Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear,...

EPISODE 19 – CUBAN FURY   The Amber Seals wrap up Rom Com Month with a little help from Krista Stauffer of the Speak Easily Podcast! This week, Chris chauffeurs for Micky Dolenz; Brandon develops a car crash fetish; Ashley reveals why she owns bowling shoes; Brian pitches his Broadway mixtape; and Krista comes out of her comfort… box?   BTW: What if Ian McShane’s character was played by Tommy Wise...

EPISODE 18 – ELLA ENCHANTED   Good news, everyone—Ashley has officially joined the podcast as a full-time Amber Seal! Bad news, everyone—Brian made us watch the disastrous 2004 adaptation of the classic novel Ella Enchanted! This week, Brandon reads fantasy personal ads; Brian unveils his Moira Rose impression; Chris has a bad time at Bonnaroo; and Ashley breaks the rules of the Movie Game.   BTW:...

EPISODE 17 – MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND   Good news everyone—Brandon is finally cancelled! It’s all thanks to his troubling Rom Com Month pick: My Super Ex-Girlfriend! This week, Brian considers mid-air coitus; Chris discovers his life is an Ivan Reitman movie; and Brandon comes up with sexy accountant puns!   BTW: We demand a spin-off film about Uma Thurman’s sassy shark friend!   Starring: Luke Wils...

EPISODE 16 – TWO WEEKS NOTICE   We kick off Rom Com Month with the movie of a thousand plots: Two Weeks Notice! This week, Brian emerges from his film crypt with his ink and quill; Chris gives his Yelp review of Coney Island; Ashley recommends Christian romance novels; and Brandon determines whether or not the word “dab” is hot.   BTW: The Fart-Asses/Amber Seals/Trash Watch Gang are officially Tea...

EPISODE 15 – THE CHIPMUNK ADVENTURE   Show favorite Ashley returns to the podcast to discuss the creepy, racist, high-pitched nightmare that is The Chipmunk Adventure! This week, Brian is the Jon Arbuckle of Jon Arbuckles; Brandon discovers mind-blowing information about the Chipette’s parentage; Ashley turns traitor; and Chris is as mad as hell and he’s not gonna take it anymore!   Plus: We annou...

EPISODE 14 – ROCK-A-DOODLE   The Trash Watch Boys ride a hope chest down an adequate pipe to get away from this week’s baffling disaster: Rock-a-Doodle! Experience excessive narration, an ambiguous timeline, and a chorus of owls in this animated almost-movie that will leave you saying, “I’m a[ll] furry!”   Plus: Meet Jebediah Flick—Amish Moving Picture Critic!   Starring: Phil Harris, Glen Campbel...

EPISODE 13 – PAYCHECK   Brandon has done it again, serving up a nonsensically fun action film that dares to see just how many Chekhov’s Guns it can cram into two hours. Journey to the far-off future of 2007, where subway trains run at a crawl, big corporations destroy the world, and the government straight-up murders people—y’know, pure science fiction! Anyway, a man is pushed.   Plus: Aaron Eckha...

EPISODE 12 – NOW AND THEN   WARNING: This episode is extremely horny and NSFW.   Happy New Year from Trash Watch and special guest Ashley Woodard! Join us as we discuss a heartfelt yarn about friendship, double murders, labyrinthine newspaper articles, and a whole buncha sex talk. Grab some chicken and spiked lemonade and sit back for our take on this coming-of-age story that’s a lot more then tha...

EPISODE 11 – THE NUTCRACKER IN 3D   Good news, everyone—Chris is cancelled! His crime: Making us suffer through 108 minutes of creepy nutcrackers, an inexplicable Uncle Albert Einstein, baffling songs, and John Turturro devouring the scenery as a rat cross between Andy Warhol and David Byrne. On the other hand, maybe this is how 2020 was always meant to end.   Plus: Thanks for the super helpful ad...

EPISODE 10 – I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS   Have you ever woken up in the desert glued into a Santa suit with only three days to get to New York for Christmas Eve dinner because your dad bribed you with a Porsche? If not: congratulations, you’re not the manipulative creep protagonist of this movie! This week, we take a wacky cross-country road trip with a rogues’ gallery of weirdos and try not to le...

EPISODE 9 – SCROOGED   Deck the halls with a good Christmas movie about bad people! Take a taxi with Christmas Past and simp for Karen Allen; get hit with a toaster by Christmas Present; and experience the pure horror of Christmas Future—all set to the Danny Elfman-est of scores! Get ready to add this cult classic to your holiday rotation, or else we three ghosts just might have to haunt you.   Pl...

EPISODE 8 – LITTLE GIANTS   The Trash Watch boys are ready for some (peewee) football! In the small town of Urbania, Ohio, two psychotic old men pit the O’Shea brothers against each other in a Calvinball-esque football face-off, in the process reminding us of the importance of family and (more importantly) Rick Moranis.   Plus: Is your girlfriend always fiddling with her locket? Tune in to find ou...

EPISODE 7 – DEEP RISING   Brian redeems himself with this week’s film about a giant monster attacking mercenaries on an unprofitable cruise ship. Grab a loaf of bread and some greasy sea water and join us as we fight for survival while trying to discover Joey Pantucci’s real name.    Plus: Our new recurring segment—Cabin in the Woods Corner!   Starring: Treat Williams, Famke Janssen, Anthony Heald...

EPISODE 6 – SURF NINJAS (ft. Lexi Vestey) We once again dive into Brandon’s childhood, this time joined by the wonderful Lexi Vestey! Grab your Game Gear and join us on a journey from the sunny beaches of Los Angeles to the sunny beaches of Patusan, battling poorly camouflaged ninjas and quasi-cyborg Leslie Nielsen every step of the way. But remember—Rob Schneider giveth and Rob Schneider taketh a...

EPISODE 4 – MISSION TO MARS   The Trash Watch boys go to space to help Brian exorcise his childhood demons. Follow us on a journey through a less-thrilling 2001: A Space Odyssey, from the pointless barbecue opening to the climactic alien factory sequence, all to answer a question that has plagued mankind for millennia: Why can’t Gary Sinise smile in this movie?   Plus: The Martians forget to turn...

EPISODE 5 – RISING SUN   This week we pay tribute(?) to the late, great Sean Connery with Rising Sun, a movie that is 70% racism, 20% nudity, and 10% technophobia. But all that matters is that Sean Connery says “sempai”—like, a lot.   Plus: The hot new fashion trend—Cargo Panties!   Starring: Sean Connery, Wesley Snipes, Harvey Keitel, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Tia Carrere, Ray Wise, Kevin Anderson, a...