Today's Topic

In this episode, we "nip it in the poopy bud" to discuss the social etiquette and biological realities of flatulence. The Wake-Up Call : Exploring the realization that aging farts can gain enough decibels to startle loved ones awake. The Maverick Technique : How to fart in a meeting without acknowledging it to effectively gaslight your coworkers. The Love Tent : Navigating the "Dutch Oven" effect...

In this episode, we dive into the looming question of our "golden years." While we briefly considered a pivot to an entire episode on the acoustics of a "trumpet fart," we eventually settled on the financial and existential dread of retirement. Highlights include: The Millennial/Gen Z Reality: Why many assume the world will blow up before they ever see a social security check. The "Neighborhood Do...

Summary: In this episode, we go where no "serious" podcast should: the philosophy of the "Spank Bank." What starts as a high-brow attempt to link Plato’s Allegory of the Cave to pornography quickly devolves into a hilarious confession of male insecurity and confusion. We discuss the "fortress under siege" that is the teenage male brain, admit our total ignorance of the female experience, and prove...

From the Satanic Panic of the 90s to the thirst traps of Baldur’s Gate 3 , we are diving deep into Dungeons & Dragons. In this episode, we debate whether D&D is actually just a math class in disguise or a legitimate cure for dyslexia. We also discuss why "Frog Women" are hot, why adults can never schedule a session, and how vector calculus ruined our childhoods. Plus, we pitch a billion-do...

A spirited and philosophical discussion on the evolving nature of human relationships in the age of artificial intelligence. We dive into the controversial concept of an "AI sidepiece" or "AI girlfriend," exploring whether AI can genuinely fulfill needs for emotional validation, and if so, at what cost to human social skills. The conversation touches on the ease of defaulting to AI interaction, th...

Are you an "empty bowl" person or a monster who dumps leftover milk in the sink? In this episode we tackle the most important breakfast debate of our time: cereal. We trace its bizarre evolution from "goat tit in a turtle shell" to the microplastics in leaky 1990s memorabilia. Will anyone survive the Grape-Nuts challenge (aka "eating sadness")? Does anyone remember Fruit Island Cereal? What's your...

In this episode, we talk about getting serious about... well, being serious. Is being serious is simply the absence of emotion and how it differs from being "professional?" We explore the persona of the overly serious individual, who is the one describes a joke as "quite humorous" rather than simply laughing. Does extreme seriousness is often a mask for incompetence or intense social anxiety? Is s...

This is our Halloween episode drop! In an episode that starts with Halloween and mysteriously ends up at the morgue, we talk about our decidedly different approaches to costumes. One is phoning it in as a "drone bee" to his partner's queen, while the other dreams of creating a giant foam replica of his own head. Our conversation quickly becomes a trick-or-treat bag of topics, from the unforgivable...

a reflection on the upcoming one-year anniversary of Hurricane Helene, the second deadliest in U.S. history, we attempt to understand the lasting devastation in the Southern Appalachian region. The hosts discuss the slow and arduous recovery process, highlighting significant infrastructure damage like the 40 washed-out bridges on the Virginia Creeper Trail and the months-long closure of major road...

What does it truly mean to be serious? Is it a complete lack of emotion, or is there more to it? In this episode, we get down to business to explore the concept of seriousness and its modern-day counterpart: professionalism. We debate whether you can be "seriously happy" and if "being professional" is just a corporate rebranding of an old concept. The conversation takes a turn as we analyze the ov...

This one's for the Reginalds of the world. The guys whose lives are so together, they only play "old man games." But what starts as a discussion on niche simulators quickly devolves into a fierce debate: are Toyota Tacomas for dads or for militias? Join us on a journey that winds through a thoughtful meditation on the economics of big trucks and high gas prices, a delightful rabbit hole of firearm...

We're finally answering the question everyone is afraid to ask: What is "too muscly"? Join us as we drive into our pseudo scientific methods in determining what is considered to be too muscly. What do you think is too muscly? Would you think of someone differently if they said they got this jacked from smoking cigarettes and consuming energy drinks? Is muscularity a turn-on or a turn-off? Do you p...

On this episode of Today's Topic , we’re tackling a controversial subject: violence . We ask a series of hard-hitting questions: Does our exposure to violent media make it easier to watch? Do you struggle with watching violent sports or movies? Is there a "level of violent coolness" in what we find entertaining? And what about the resurgence of "Gladiator-style" combat in modern media? Join us as...

We are the Keurig of podcasts. Our words are like little pods of coffee that fill up the landfills of the internet. That is what we do here. The Garbage Patch Kids of podcasts. Shout out to the artist of the Garbage Patch Kids. Please immortal us into Garbage Patch Kids. You are our hero because you get all the details right. Maybe AI products should partner with Fiver where AI provides recommenda...

Is there a place in this world for a bald woman? We've got archetypes for bald men—the badass, the brainiac, the guy who just grinded too hard—but the rulebook for women seems to be missing. This might be the episode that gets us canceled, but we have to ask: Why does female hair loss feel like a catastrophe? Why are wigs cool for women but a cardinal sin for men? And is the comb over the least co...

This week, we're diving headfirst into the gaming debates you've been having in your head. Is the "obvious path to victory" in Civ 7 a sign of limited strategy, or are we just insane? We're calling out the "illusion of critical thinking" and giving a massive shoutout to No Man's Sky for their epic redemption arc. You all kept at it, and we respect that. Also on the docket: Can a video game actuall...

Today's Topic are sleep stories, where we try our best to be your next sleep story. Who listens to brown noise while they sleep? What we know for sure is that you should never trust a person who does sleep stories – or at least, that's what Disney says. You only need three to make a pattern, but are we doing a good job yet? Was Grigori Rasputin a wizard? Does anyone actually use sleep stories to f...

Oh the thoughts you like think while you mow the lawn. Is the Epstein list still viable? Is everyone who is anyone on that list? Listen in for this special drop for our hot take. Maybe its a L-take. Did Trump win for reasons mentioned? Is Trump our messiah? Were P. Diddy and Epstein closer friends than we know? Is the assessment on the nose or way off? We'll explore the whispered connections, the...

Beyond the clickbait title, 'The Tesla Porn Bot and the BD Battle Bot', we begin today's topic with the humanoid bot conversation. Why humans? Why not spiders? Will robots ever learn to pass the butter? Will they gain free will? Consciousness? What if they choose an addiction to cobalt? Will bots become cultural influencers just to afford parts? (Wait, bots need oil... oh no!) And how on earth did...

You can't rake the yard once the sun sets. Do any humans under 30 want to get into agriculture? Do farmers really use agricultural technologies? Does the Pope control the sun? Sometimes today's topic morphs goes from daylight savings to farmers to guns to rural living to meeting the homeless on streets in surburba to grifting callbacks to drumming up cop business to a thought provoking full circle...

We are talking about Minecraft. Is it the G.O.A.T? Has your grandmother played it yet? Is Steve a better character than Mario?

Random thoughts about time command your responses. What comes up for you when you think of time? How do you perceive time? Do you believe that CFF as a way to measure the perception of time?

Are humans winning too hard? Is this really just an episode about AI? What do you think about the end of the world? Do you think about the end of world as the end of Us?

How do you create something new? Do you like new things? Do you know what you are talking about? Have you ever gone on a knowledge quest? Let us know in the comments.

Are you actively grifting? Are you against the grift? When do you think grifting get its start? Are there any grifting experts? Let us know.