Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) I expected my stepkid to be a little distant with me at first. What I didn't expect was her extreme and total rejection of me. And not just for a little while — for YEARS. So I’m sharing with you what I wish I would’ve known earlier: that some hesitance from your stepkid is totally normal, but an extreme and disproportionate negative reaction to a new steppare...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) You are not obligated to a life of thankless servitude just because you're in a relationship with someone who has kids. FAR too many stepparents find themselves in the position of primary housekeeper, primary scheduler and organizer, even primary parent. All of this is somehow just assumed rather than discussed (let alone agreed-upon), which can leave you, the...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) Let me just start by saying it’s totally, totally normal to feel some jealousy about your partner’s ex. Even though, if you’re anything like me, all of that feels sooo very 8th grade. I promise it’s not just you. In fact it’s so common, I included jealousy as one of the 7 stages of becoming a stepparent . Anyway, here’s the thing. Your partner's relationship w...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) Letting “blending” become our sole life’s purpose doesn’t serve anyone, especially ourselves. Continuing to push down and push through our mixed feelings and stress and frustration and uncertainty is a sure recipe for burnout. Stepparenting is part of who you are; it’s not everything you are. And you cannot put your own needs and dreams and self-care on hold indefi...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) The stigma against stepparents is so real and so deeply engrained in our society, it’s practically palpable. If you dare to admit you think stepparenting is hard — boy will someone launch a witch hunt against you. But saying stepparenting is hard is just a fact. Just like saying any type of parenting is hard. It doesn't mean we're bad stepparents or that...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) If you're dealing with parental alienation and the idea of a light at the end of the tunnel feels like an impossible dream, don't give up! No matter how hard everything is right now, your family will keep evolving and changing. What you're living right now isn't necessarily your forever. Alienated kids deeply want their targeted parent to see th...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) Stepfamily life, even at its happiest and simplest, is still far more complex than a first family. It's easy to compare a blended family with a traditional family and think crap, this looks reallllly different. We must be failing. But we're not. Different is not "lesser than"— it's just different. Constantly wishing things were easier and l...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) The ex only has as much power as we’re willing to give them. Like the Wizard of Oz, a high-conflict ex is actually just a scared little person behind a curtain who uses lots of smoke and mirrors to intimidate us. Once we stop buying into the story that the ex is all-powerful and in charge of everything, we can create better boundaries, reclaim our own power, and re...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) It’s ironic that stepparents are so often accused of not loving our stepkids like our own. In my experience, having talked to thousands of stepparents over the years, it’s far more common for us to care too much about our stepkids. Sometimes even to our own detriment. If our stepkids don’t seem to like us, we keep trying and trying and trying to win them over. If w...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) There's no set standard for blended families — stepfamilies are very different from each other due to hugely varying factors like visitation schedules, the kids’ ages, how many kids, whether both partners have kids, how the in-laws handle the new partner, how the ex factors in, etc.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Step 1 in blending a family is for you and your partner to w...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) I know that we stepparents, as outsiders, can see all kinds of parenting gaps in the lives of our stepkids. And we can also see all the special gifts our stepkids have... special gifts that are getting lost or destroyed in those parenting gaps.⠀⠀ Because we view ourselves as responsible adults, we think it's our job to step in and help make things better. Afte...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) All unrealistic expectations to the contrary, the truth is… you probably aren't gonna love your stepkid out of the gate. Which is totally okay — they're probably not gonna be your biggest fans on Day 1 either, which is also totally okay. All that matters is your willingness to keep showing up and doing your best. And by that, I don't mean kill yourse...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) The experts say that blending a family takes 5 to 7 years on average, but add some high conflict to the mix and that number jumps up to 10+ years. I know that's a bleak statistic, but I'm actually sharing this info to give you hope in case you’ve been wondering why all of this feels soooo friggin hard — like every day is a brand new 2 steps forward, 3 ste...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) Your partner needs to serve as the connection between you and your stepkid. If they’re not acting as a bridge, then you can find yourself standing on the wrong side of the chasm. You can't stand alone as a stepparent; it's not all on you to "just try harder" with your stepkid. The entire success or failure of your blended family does NOT land en...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) Your partner’s ex doesn’t get to dictate what happens at your house. No matter how big and scary they come across, no matter how convinced they are that they’re in the right and you’re in the wrong. If the custody order doesn’t give them a say in your day-to-day life, guess what: they do not get a say in your day-to-day life. Healthy co-parenting works like a busin...

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!) What we think makes us good stepparents and what actually makes us good stepparents are sometimes exact opposite things. We come into this gig with our own ideas about what being a good stepparent "should" look like: active, involved, hands-on parenting. And then we go so overboard trying to prove that we're not evil or wicked that we end up over-eng...

Hello! If we haven’t met before, my name is Maarit. I’m a former single mom turned stepmom, and the voice behind Blended Family Frappé, together with my husband Dan. Who will probably pop in on this podcast from time to time, as he likes to do. If you know anything about our work, then you know we are ALL ABOUT the deep dive, the research, the in-depth support. And there are a ton of great blended...