Thriving Your Love

In this video, we explain how narcissism and vulnerability cannot coexist. Narcissism involves a fear of being oneself and hiding behind a mask of self-confidence. The more we fear being seen, the less able we are to be vulnerable. We hide behind a mask of superiority for fear that people will not accept us for who we are.

In this podcast, we aim to demystify narcissism disorder. Like other mental health illnesses such as borderline disorder and bipolar disorder, narcissism disorder has been looked upon with judgment and prejudice. We try to bring more understanding and acceptance to a problem that affects most of us to some degree.

In this episode, we will give you a helpful overview of where love comes from parent to child and, as adults, partner to partner. This is the critical ingredient to Emotionally Focused Therapy. Our brain is designed for connection, and we seek proximity to others from the very moment we are born. Babies have several behaviors geared to attract others. As they send connection cues to those around t...

During the honeymoon phase we do everything we can to spend time with our loved ones. The desire to be with each other is spontaneous and we might even forgo sleep and work. After the honeymoon phase, nonetheless, we need to be intentional about it. Love rituals are anything that we do to show our partner that they are special to us and that we love them. It can be a simple hug, kiss, or smile. An...

Having a strong connection with our partner makes us feel protected. Our partner is like a shield that helps us to feel safer in the world. We know that we have someone who has our back and this gives us the courage we need to face the challenges of life.

In our desire to help our loved ones, we give them advice or solutions. We think that they expect us to fix their problems when they only want our presence amidst their pain. We would like our love to take all the pain away from our partner's life. However, that's not possible. Although we cannot take their pain away, we can be with them in times of distress. The worst thing is not suffering but s...

In the last video of the series “Healing from Affairs,” we talk about the type of conversation that helps a couple to heal from an attachment injury such as an affair. Couples have difficulty healing from an affair because their communication is focused on attacking and defending. The injured partner attacks the one who committed the affair who defends themselves from the accusation an...

Affairs cause a great deal of shame for both partners. The injured one thinks that their partner betrayed them because they are not good enough. Maybe they are not attractive, charming or special. They conclude that there is something missing about them that their partner found in the other person. The partner who had the affair also feels a great deal of shame. They see the pain they have caused...

Of all the problems that a couple may face, the worst is an affair. It's no wonder that about half of the couples who go through an affair, end up in divorce. It is very common for therapists to help couples who are trying to heal from an affair. Affairs shake the foundation of the relationship and damage trust. They cause immense pain that may linger for a long time. It is very important that cou...

In the last podcast, we talked about the worst of all fears which is losing the love of our attachment figure. In this podcast, we dive into how this fear shows up differently for those who avoid closeness. The fear of being criticized or having a fight causes avoidant partners to distance themselves to protect the relationship. Although they seem cold and distant, they are just afraid of making t...

We continue talking about fear and how it plays out in adult relationships. Our worst fear is to lose the person whom we love the most. When we feel rejected or abandoned, we try everything we can to get reassurance from our partner that they are there for us. If we cannot get this reassurance, we feel desperate and we protest.

Fear is a great survival mechanism that propels us to seek a connection to another human being who can help us feel safe. When our survival is threatened, our brain triggers a series of physiological reactions designed to prepare our body to face the perceived threat. The part of the brain that deals with fear is the same related to attachment which means that attachment is the antidote to fear. B...

Shame is one of the most challenging feelings because it affects our self-esteem and makes us want to hide. We develop shame in our childhood through our relationship with our attachment figures. When we cannot feel connected to them, we think that the problem is with us. Maybe we are unlovable and defective. We feel ashamed of who we are and our need to feel loved, connected, and important to our...

Shame is one of the most challenging feelings because it affects our self-esteem and makes us want to hide. We develop shame in our childhood through our relationship with our attachment figures. When we cannot feel connected to them, we think that the problem is with us. Maybe we are unlovable and defective. We feel ashamed of who we are and our need to feel loved, connected and important to our...

Every relationship has its problems and disagreements are a normal part of them. The secret resides in the ability to talk about the hurt in a vulnerable way. Attachment injuries occur when the injured person cannot trust the other to be there for them anymore. When they talk about the injury, the one who has hurt the other justifies their action and minimizes the other person's feelings. The one...

Couples become disconnected when they do not share what they feel. They might not be in touch with their emotions or be afraid of expressing them. Many times they act upon their emotions instead of making them clear. In this video podcast, we talk about the importance of being vulnerable. When we reveal our emotions to each other in a vulnerable way, we bring our partner closer and we feel more co...

When couples cannot get along, they come up with explanations for their distress. They tell themselves stories about themselves, their partners, and the relationship. They might say that they did not have enough time to know each other, they are too different, or they are beyond repair. They build negative cases against each other to understand why they are so disconnected. These stories fuel thei...

The pursuer feels disconnected from the withdrawer and points out the problem. The withdrawer says there is no problem when the disconnection seems so obvious to the pursuer. The pursuer feels dismissed and ignored and becomes louder to get the attention of the withdrawer who feels attacked and shuts down. The withdrawer may also get mad and explode. As they keep on fighting for their relationship...

Human beings are social by nature. Our brain is designed for connection and from the moment we are born we seek proximity to others. Connection with a loved one makes us feel strong and secure. Our brain works at an optimal level, and we become curious and creative. We are more courageous, and the challenges of life seem less threatening. Like a child who explores the world certain that their pare...