Thought Residencies

Day 7 (Montreal) A few years ago I wrote a story called Past, Present, Future, Etc . And I sometimes think about that "etcetera." As in, I mean, what comes after the future? I feel this might be one kind of solution: a different way of thinking about time. Thinking about time without progress, without growth. There's nowhere to get to, and therefore there's nothing to leave behind.

Day 6 (Montreal) "I took some time off in my forties to try to get better at what I do." Why am I so obsessed with this quote, why do I find it so hard to imagine myself taking time off, trying to get better? Why can't I even imagine what better is? Maybe the thing I imagine most is quitting art to become an activist. That seems what we really need today: less artists, more activists. But I don't...

Day 5 (Montreal) I often say that all my work is about the relationship between art and politics. But now that I'm looking back, that I'm really looking back at what I've done, I actually wonder if it's more about how little art can do in the face of overwhelming political problems. And that also makes me realize how much I want art to do, how much desire I have for art to change things.

Day 4   (Montreal)   Of course, while I'm worried about being "washed up," the rest of the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket. I mean we all know the list: fascism, environmental degradation, the continuing violence of patriarchy, white supremacy, homophobia, transphobia, so much more. And when I say I'm feeling "washed up," I mean, I also mean I feel like I'm in mourning for my life....

Day 3 (Montreal) And then there was another quote, it was apparently something Dr. Dre said to Eminem – I guess I spend a lot of time reading and thinking about Hip Hop, I don't know if that's okay – but apparently what Dr. Dre said to Eminem is: "You have to work really hard to get it, and they you have to work even harder to maintain it." And I've been thinking a lot about this, I mean, is that...

Day 2 (Montreal) There was a quote I heard about a year ago. It's a quote from the Hip Hop producer NO I.D. But actually he's quoting Quincy Jones. And the quote is: "I took some time off in my forties to try to get better at what I do." And I really tried to imagine what that would be like, if I were to take some time off in my forties to try to get better at what I do. I mean, I can't even imagi...

Day 1 (Montreal) So lately what I've been feeling, ah, is quite "washed up." And I don't talk about it very much, I feel a lot of shame around this feeling, I feel perhaps feeling "washed up" is a kind of privilege. And also, I mean, no one really wants to hear about it. But… I thought maybe if I only talk about it for thirty seconds every day, I mean, you can talk about anything for thirty second...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my final thought ah for the month of September. September, which is objectively the hardest month of the year. Or maybe it just is to me um... But I've spent most of this month actually feeling really afraid. A lot. But fear is just the other side of excitement, right? They are like two sides of the same coin. Someone pretty smart told me that. I'm still processing it a...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my eleventh thought. Which is also my second last thought of this residency. And I'm feeling some kind of self-imposed pressure to offer some sort of profound thought, to be thinking something big. Um, but mostly, all I'm thinking about this morning is how much I hate to be rushed. And so, in the spirit of that, I'm not gonna rush it. Today I'm going to slow down, drink...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my tenth thought. So tonight I'm just thinking about family and traditions and rituals. And, I guess, the things that we carry with us. That families carry with them from where they've come from to where they are now. And how special it is that, ah, something like a tradition or a ritual can bring people together from all different parts of the world or parts of the cou...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my ninth thought. Ah, so tonight I am thinking about packing. And my own process of packing and how is has become this very purposeful or intentional system of overpacking. Um, gratuitously so. Ahh, more is more, as they say, but I do wonder when it escalated to this point. Um, when it became so... obnoxious. And I do wonder if there really is or what is the most effici...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my eighth thought. Today I'm just thinking that it's okay to do too much. And it's okay to care too much.  And it's okay to, uh, think too much. Better too much, than not at all, I think. And let's just value things when they're upon us, so we don't regret it when they aren't. And I think that was, like, four thoughts so, you're welcome

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my seventh thought. This morning I was confronted with the very unexpected reminder of just how difficult and complicated my body can be. And I carried the weight of that for most of the day. But, I was also reminded by one of my favorite people in the world that, um, I actually have the right to set my own boundaries and that I don't owe anyone an explanation, um, for...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my sixth thought. I'm in Winnipeg tonight, my hometown, and I am staring out the window, and it is raining and I'm just wondering... how do I put this... uh-um, I am wondering, um, how worth it is to know what someone else is thinking? And how honest are we when we share what we are thinking? What do we know, really know, versus what do we admit? And what spaces let us...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my fifth thought. So, kind of tangential to yesterday's speculations on the truth... um, I've had a bit of a weird day today. Ah, I've spent most of today feeling like, ah, a total imposter. And its something that happens to me from time to time, more often than I'd like to admit. Where I feel like an imposter in several of the different spaces, ah,  that sort of make u...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my fourth thought. So, often when I tell folks what it is I do I'm met with the response: "Ah, that's so awesome! You get to spend your time playing pretend! That must be so fun." And... yeah! I tell stories, I have SO much fun doing it. Um, but when I think about it... I think, actually, my favorite thing about theatre is that it offers an opportunity to tell the truth...

Hey, it's Liam, and this is my third thought.  I met a new student today and when I asked him what his name was in the presence of his grandma and ah another teacher, he got really flustered and seemed super torn about what to say, and so I just asked him, "Okay, well what do you like to be called?" And the way that his face just, y'know, lit up, and it was so clear how much appreciated such a sim...

Hey, this is Liam, and this is my second thought.  It's the first day back for teachers today and I was having a chat with a new colleague about, just, beginnings of things and anticipation and what other words there might be for that...   Kind of like that sick, twisted, nervous feeling when you're, y'know, about to talk to a stranger. You go up to them and then what happens when you don't get th...

Hey, it's Liam and this is my first thought.    Uhh it is the last day of summer. And I spent it laying on the beach, my favorite beach in the world, with one of the best people I know and it was ah really sunny and really nice and warm and uhh I tried to drink a beer but I mostly just ah just laid there and was just wondering and I guess worrying ahh about what's to come. Because it has been a mi...

Hey, it's Liam and this is my first thought.    Uhh it is the last day of summer. And I spent it laying on the beach, my favorite beach in the world, with one of the best people I know and it was ah really sunny and really nice and warm and uhh I tried to drink a beer but I mostly just ah just laid there and was just wondering and I guess worrying ahh about what's to come. Because it has been a mi...

Hello, this is Mariah Horner and this is Thought #14, my last thought.  Today I'm thinking about rigour. I'm thinking about um...the...artists and the people and the peers that I look up most...that I look most up to are those who are rigourous.  And I think that rigor is so sexy. Finishing a thing all the way to the end of it and being relentlessly curious about something that you explore all the...

Hello, this is Mariah Horner and this is Thought #12 (no it's 13).  And last night I went for a run having not ran in a very long time and it felt terrible but also felt amazing and um...I was thinking about one of the reasons I love running so much is that I love...I've never been a very athletic person and I love with running that you always get back exactly what you put in. You just have to sho...

Good morning this is Mariah Horner and this is Thought #12. And this morning I'm thinking about Patrick Conner. I didn't know him before, but I know him now. He was a very celebrated artist - an actor, a director - he worked in Toronto but he also came from Kingston and he worked a lot here.  I'm thinking a lot about him...because...you know...I'm thinking about what it means to really change the...

Good morning this is Mariah Horner and this is Thought #11.  And I don't know if this happens to any of you but sometimes I wake up and I have an immediate thought about something that is gonna happen during the day. Often for me it is breakfast....immediately when I wake up I know what I want for breakfast. But TODAY when I woke up it was a beautiful fucking day, it is blue skies all around in Ki...

Hello this is Mariah Horner and this is Thought #10. And...this morning I'm very tired [laughs]...and I'm really tired because I stayed up very late with a friend of mine who is going through some very difficult stuff and as I was leaving his house I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him but I stumbled all over my word choice because....I feel like the word proud carries some patronizing tones...